In Shadows Growing Wings
by ineedacatalyst
Summary: Castiel has always been different and he's never known why. When tragedy strikes his family, he's forced to strike out on his own and finally discover his true nature. Along the way, he meets the Winchesters, who change his life irrevocably. When the apocalypse begins, Castiel realizes that he must choose a side or risk being put in the middle of a war between Heaven and Hell.
1. Chapter 1

Obligatory Nephilim fic. When it became canon on Supernatural, I had the geek out of the century and immediately started writing. You have no idea how long I'd been waiting for it. This was intended to be a one shot, but as usual, it's turned into something much larger and I'm not sure where I'm going to take htis. Don't worry, Castiel is only a whiny teenager in the first few chapters, then the Winchesters and some angels appear and I throw them all into the middle of the apocalypse. Definitely an AU, but a lot of homage is paid to canon. Title is taken from an AFI song, appropriately titled "The Nephilim." Enjoy! :)

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_Prologue _

Castiel has always known he was different.

He looked and felt different. Strange occurrences constantly happened in his presence. Since he was a little child, he suspected that there was something cold inside of him. Something that never felt completely human.

When he was in kindergarten, he fell and skinned his knee on the playground. A teacher's aide rushed over and helped him up. When she asked to see the wound, it healed in front of her eyes. The aide thought that it was a trick of the light. A week later, Castiel fell off the slide and scraped his elbow. He was barely six at the time and he was screaming bloody murder. His elbow wasn't cut very deeply, but it hurt worse than his knee. The same aide rushed to his side, seeing blood and dirt, actually relieved at the sight of it, because it proved she wasn't insane. Despite this relief, the wound once again healed before her eyes, albeit a little more sluggishly this time. The aide quit her job later that day and Castiel knew, even then, that it was because of him. The look of horror that crossed her face upon when she saw the wound heal is still one of his most vivid memories.

Around the age of nine, Castiel developed a temper. It was a normal temper for a boy his age, but unlike other boys his age, if he got too upset, any glass around him would shatter. At first, he didn't make the connection. After all, who would? When his mother grounded him for the first time, making him so angry that he could kill her, the lights in the kitchen exploded. When a boy at school cheated off him on a math test and Castiel noticed but did nothing to stop it, the window on the other side of the room shattered, causing minor injuries to the students sitting near it. That day, he was reminded of the kitchen, but he still didn't think it was possible He finally admitted that it might be him, somehow, some way, when he found out his stepbrother was going to college halfway across the country and he got so upset that every window in the house, on both floors, shattered simultaneously. By the time he was 12, he'd learn to bottle his emotions.

Castiel's freak status was confirmed when he was 13 and inadvertently realized he could read minds. He cut himself deeply after this happened, crazed with grief because he knew his normal life was now completely over. He didn't want to die, but he wanted proof that he could at least _bleed _human blood. The wound was so deep that he almost fainted. It healed in ten seconds. At this point, he wrote himself off as a nutcase with no grip on reality whatsoever or as some kind of monster.

He hoped he was crazy, he really did. He remembered the teacher's aide, the exploding lights, and the disappointment and realization that covered his mother's face every time something weird happened in his presence and he knew he wasn't. He was a freak, a mutant, a monster, pure and simple. Being crazy would be too easy.

Castiel gave up on trying to be normal at that point and started reading X-Men and hoping for the best.

_2001- Age 14, Pontiac, Illinois_

Castiel maintained his optimism into his early adolescence. He assured himself that there were others like him. There were other people who weren't completely normal. There were conjoined twins, people with tumors the size of basketballs, geniuses who could compose symphonies at the age of three, and others with abilities unmatched by the rest of humanity. Something made them different, just like he was. He knew about a man who got a brain injury and woke up knowing Portuguese. That was almost as bizarre as mind reading. By the time Castiel was 14, he was convinced it was his brain, not something otherworldly, that made him the way was. He spent hours in the library, poring over books about the human brain. This seemed like a strange thing for someone who was barely into adolescence to do, but Castiel became convinced that his strange abilities, his "psychic phenomena," and even the instantaneous healing were related to his brain. Clearly he just used far more of his brain that normal people did. He was simply more evolved. The more he read about the brain and the amazing things it was capable of doing, the better he felt about himself.

When he was 14, he decided to tell someone about what he could do. By now, his list of freakish traits was quite large, seemingly growing as he aged, and it was getting difficult to hide them. He decided to tell his sister. The rest of the family looked at him like he was a science experiment, but Anna accepted him. After all, it was Anna who told him about the man who woke up speaking Portuguese. She seemed so fascinated by it that Castiel knew she might believe it and eventually accept it. He said it as casually as he could one day when they were home alone, watching a movie. He simply stated "I can read minds." This trick was the easiest to explain, mostly because he could show her. She reacted exactly how he expected her to react.

Anna burst out laughing. "Oh, Cassy! I love you! Such imagination!"

Castiel's heart twitched in a warm, happy way every time she said that. Anna was his stepsister, but they were so close in age that she was his best friend and his only ally in the Milton household. He knew telling her first was the best route.

"I'm not kidding." He leaned in and grabbed the remote and paused the movie that was playing. "Anna, I can show you."

With that, Anna stopped laughing, turning to face him, her bright hazel eyes burning. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. She squinted at him, reading his face. She knew his face better than anyone. Slowly it dawned on her that he was being completely serious.

"You're serious." She said slowly. "Cas, come on."

"You know I'm different. I always have been."

The concern on her face grew. He decided that he'd picked the right trait to show her because right now, she was broadcasting her thoughts loudly and it'd be easy. He concentrated on her face, drawing her gaze into his. Castiel was thankful that he didn't persistently hear thoughts. If he did, he'd go insane. Sometimes if someone around him was really emotional, he'd pick up what was in his or her head without trying. This was rare. Usually he had to concentrate and will his way into their brains. Right now Anna was letting him, even though she clearly thought he was losing his mind.

"Oh dear, sweet baby Jesus. What is wrong with Cassy? Has my little bro gone completely insane?" He intoned, repeating the words that had just ran through her mind.

Anna's eyes widened.

"What the fuck? Jesus Christ, how is he doing this? Why is he staring at me? It's creepy. Sometimes I think about Bill Clinton when I masturbate." Castiel repeated. He grimaced a little bit when he said the last part.

Anna's mouth fell open.

"You certainly take the lord's name in vain a lot." Castiel said. He smirked at her. "Let me guess, you thought the last part on purpose to see if I was legitimate or not."

"Castiel." She breathed. "How long have you been able to do that?"

"About a year." He admitted. "There's other things too, but they're way weirder."

"Weirder than reading minds_? _Cas, doesn't that drive you nuts? Hearing what everyone thinks all of the time? Why can you do it?"

"I don't always hear things. I have to work at it and I have to concentrate really hard. It doesn't flow, which is obviously a relief. The only time I can hear thoughts without trying is if someone is very emotional. Their thoughts are loud and it's out in the open for me to hear. The answer to your second question, well, I don't know. I don't know why any of this is happening to me."

Castiel felt immense relief telling her this, even though these were small things. It felt so good to tell someone this, to not have to hide it anymore. He couldn't wait to show her what else he could do, share his entire self with her. He'd never been able to do that, not with anyone.

"What are you?" She asked, still in disbelief. "Humans can't do that. No one can. It's never been proven. What else can you do? Do I even want to know?"

Anna's eyes remained wide and she actually backed up a little bit, as if he were infectious. She didn't look disgusted, but shocked and a little bit terrified.

Castiel felt like he'd been slapped. He'd expected her to laugh and think he was crazy, at least before he showed her. He'd thought she'd think it was cool, that he was brave for hiding these parts of himself for so many years. He was so young and it'd been so difficult, especially before he understood that he was different and that he had to hide it.

"Anna, of course I'm human." He whispered. "What else would I be? An alien?"

"I don't know, Cas! I mean, you read my freakin' mind! It's scary!" She cried.

Castiel just sat there, not knowing what to say. He didn't know if he should be angry at his sister or himself. Maybe this was normal and her reaction really wasn't that bad. It wasn't as if there was a "coming out guide" for people like him. He squinted at her, caught her gaze again. He wondered what possibilities were floating through her head. Did she seriously think he was an alien? Was his sister, his best friend, scared of him? Did she want to get away from him?

"Anna, what could I be? Really? Do you think I'll hurt you?" He murmured, boring his blue eyes into her hazel ones. He chewed his lip and concentrated on her, plunging deep into her brain.

_I know he's not my brother, not really, but he's family. I like him more than Benny. He's my best friend, I love him, I love him but what is he? What could he do? I'll never have a private thought again. I don't want him knowing everything. It's scary. He's scaring me. Why? What could he do? He looks like Cas, he sounds like Cas, but Cas never scared me. Never scared me._

She loved him and she was scared. Castiel sighed and broke the gaze. When he did that, Anna blinked, as if she'd been in some kind of trance.

"What happened?" She asked, sounding confused. "Did you say something? I kind of blanked there for a minute."

He sighed again. "Nothing, Anna. I promise, I won't hurt you. I don't want to know what's in your head. I know that stuff's private. I just wanted to tell someone. I guess I was wrong."

Anna softened. "Cas, I'm sorry. You've never told anyone?"

"No. Not seriously."

"I'm glad you told me then. It's just kind of scary, you know? One minute you're my snot-nosed little stepbrother, the one I'm going to have to drive everywhere when I get my license next month, the next you're telling me you can read my mind. It's just freaky, I guess."

"You'll still have to drive me everywhere." He said, smiling at her.

Anna just laughed, even though she was still tense. "So, out with it, I guess. The whole she-bang. Since you told me that, I'm assuming you want to tell me everything else."

Castiel's heart ached again, in a really good way, when she said that. He never thought he'd be able to tell anyone in his family. After all, he was already so much different than them. He wasn't big and strong like his stepbrother Benny, who was currently playing college football in Nebraska. He wasn't gorgeous and funny like Anna. He'd always been the odd one out, ever since his mother married Steve Milton six years ago. Even before that, he'd felt cold, as if he were on the outside looking in. His mother had never looked at him with tenderness in her eyes and Steve Milton treated him like an annoying pest on his worst days and with a distant fondness on his best days. Instead, he was just Castiel; twitchy and strange, with a large brain that thought too much and the social grace of an elephant. He'd be weird without his freakish traits. With them, he was a mutant. Anna didn't see him that way. His sister loved him and accepted him, no matter what he looked like or what he did. She always had, as soon as he and his mother had joined into the Milton household.

Castiel was grateful. He trusted her with these parts of himself and he knew innately, even though she was scared, that'd she still accept him and treat him like she always had. It didn't matter what he could or couldn't do. It didn't matter that he wasn't a normal human being. He trusted her with his life, so he told her everything.

Castiel hated riding the bus. He hated living out in the middle of nowhere and going to a school in town, a 25 minute drive from his home. Due to the distance, he was on the bus almost two hours a day. Today he was sitting in silence, surreptitiously listening to his Walkman, desperately hoping that the people around him would continue ignoring him. The school bus smelled like a mixture of erasers and cleaning solvent, the kind that was used to clean up vomit. Even worse than the smell were the kids around him, who spent their hour on the school bus screaming at each other, gossiping, and occasionally harassing nerds like him.

A spitball flew over his head and he sunk lower into his seat, trying to make himself as small as possible. The teasing and the bullying weren't merciless as it had been when he was younger. There were others who had it much worse than he did. Castiel felt guilty, but he was thankful for this. He kept to himself and he was the stepbrother of the legendary Benny Milton, and that made him less of a target. These days, they picked on him more for his small size than his love of comics and science. Occasionally they picked on him for his supposed homosexuality, even though Castiel wasn't interested in much of anyone, let alone someone of the same gender.

"Oh, Cassie!" A voice cried. "Watch out, little girl Cassie!"

A hulking 10th grader named Brian Cooper threw more spitballs at him. Brian was big and dumb and he reminded Castiel of a cow. He seemed like someone who would eat a lot of red meat. Every day for the last month, the guy had called him "Cassie" and thrown spitballs at him. He didn't think Brian had anything against him personally, picking on him more out of boredom and convenience since his assigned seat was across from Castiel's. As far as Cas was concerned, it was pretty unoriginal and unintelligent taunting. He hated it though because Anna called him "Cassy" and Brian's cruel taunts sullied the playfulness of the nickname.

Castiel groaned inwardly and tried desperately not to get angry. He was excellent at controlling his temper and hadn't made any glass shatter in six months now. He usually ignored Brian, but today it was wearing on him. He'd received a C on a physics test and a he had a bad headache that had been nagging at him for two days now.

Brian rustled through his backpack and wadded up a piece of paper. He threw it across the aisle and it hit Castiel in the side of the face. He groaned again.

"Brian, are you 12? Spitballs? Throwing things at me? Really? Are you that moronic and unoriginal?" He snapped, turning to face his tormentor.

The 10th grader looked surprised that Castiel had spoken up. Castiel glared at him, shooting daggers his way, almost willing Brian's head to explode. It hadn't happened yet, but hell, maybe it could.

"Cassie, are you developing a set of balls?" Brian asked, smirking.

"Just stop it, okay?" He said desperately. "Benny won't be happy." He added.

Benny was 21 now, possibly about to be drafted into the NFL. Everyone in their small Illinois town knew about it. Castiel rarely played this card, but sometimes it helped that your brother was 6'3" inches of bulk and muscle. Brian might be large, but Benny could flatten him in a second.

"Benny's not here, little Cassie. Are you going to get big sis to defend your precious honor next? If you get her to sit on my face, I'll stop." Brian taunted.

Castiel gritted his teeth. He hated it when people talked about Anna like that. He heard a crackling noise. He looked up and the dim bus lights above his head were flickering. He gulped and breathed in deeply.

_Breathe, breathe, this moron isn't worth it._

"Little Cas likes to get it up the ass." Brian sang. "Hey, have you told Benny you're a faggot yet, Cassie?"

"Shut up." He groaned.

"Cas likes it up the ass, everyone!" He yelled out, hoping the three other people on the bus would think it was genius.

"Sit down and shut up!" The bus driver cried from the front.

"Hey Cassie, have you ever seen Anna's tits before? Mind taking a picture for me?" Brian asked. He put a piece of paper in his mouth and chewed it up and then spit it across the aisle.

The spit ball hit him on the side of the face and that made him lose it. He spun to face Brian, moving to the edge of the seat. The lights above him flickered rapidly.

"Shut the fuck up, you goddamn Neanderthal!" He hissed again, his voice low and angry. He locked eyes with the bully and squinted, seriously willing the guy's mouth closed.

Brian started to respond, but then his gaze caught Castiel's. Brian's eyes widened. "Your eyes…" he started, his voice shaking.

It didn't matter. Castiel was gone.

"Don't you ever fucking say anything about my sister again. Don't talk to me!"

The lights above Castiel's head exploded and the window next to Brian's seat shattered, sending tiny shards of glass flying at Castiel's tormentor, spraying his eyes and the bare skin on his face and neck. Castiel moved quickly, pulling himself into a tiny ball to avoid the glass. Brian screamed in agony as the glass cut into his skin.

The bus driver yelled something that Castiel couldn't understand and pulled the bus to a screeching halt. For a few minutes, it was chaos. People thought they heard gun shots and that Brian was dead. Castiel just sat there, numb, watching as the bus driver called 911. Brian was groaning and crying. The cuts didn't look too deep, but glass had flown into his eye and the effect was frightening. It looked like his bully was crying blood.

The bus driver hurried the remaining students off the bus and they were told to wait on the side of the road and wait for the police to show. The ambulance arrived first and Castiel watched in a detached way as they lifted Brian off the bus on a stretcher. He didn't think Brian needed a stretcher, but the 10th grader had been reduced to a crying, flailing mess. Castiel dug into his brain as he passed by, trying to get a sense of what the bully thought had happened to him. His head hurt, but he had to know what the boy thought, in case he'd do something crazy like try to "out" Castiel, even though no one would ever believe him.

_My eyes, my eyes, I can't see! I can't fucking see right! It's all blurry! Did he blind me? Ouch ouch, I want my mom! My eyes! Oh God, it hurts. My eyes. What did he do to me? What was wrong with his eyes? I can't see! I want my mom. It hurts so bad! Oh God, I hurt. His fucking eyes, was that what did it? How did he do it? I want my mom._

Brian's thoughts were a tangle of pain and fear. He wanted his mother. Castiel suddenly felt very sorry for him. Brian was a moron, but he didn't deserve this. Now he was injured, possibly semi-blinded, just because Castiel couldn't control his temper.

Suddenly his stomach lurched and he walked up the side of the country road, needing to get away from Brian and all of the action around the bus. He was overwhelmed by nausea. He bent over and hurled onto the grass. His head was suddenly throbbing, temples pulsating with pain. It was the worst pain he'd ever felt and he sure he was having a brain aneurysm He heard a high pitching ringing noise in his left ear and his vision blurred. He blinked rapidly, trying to refocus and suddenly the sky was upside down, rising up to meet him, everything went grey, and he passed out.

He woke up in his own bed in a darkened room. Anna was sitting in a chair next to the bed, reading with a small flash light.

"Anna? What happened?" He groaned.

Anna gasped a little and set down the book on his bedside table. "There was… an accident on the bus and one of the kids got hurt. You saw the blood and passed out. That's what they told us anyway."

"Brian Cooper. The glass broke. Oh God, I hate this. My head, it's throbbing. It hurts. I can't believe I did that. How badly is he hurt, Anna?" He whispered, a few involuntary tears escaping his eyes.

"Did you hit your head?" She asked, sounding worried. "They saw you go down and said you didn't. The EMT checked you out and said it was fine, that you just fainted."

"It just hurts. I don't know. I get them all of the time now." He whimpered. "I did this. I hurt him and I'm being punished."

"You didn't do it on purpose." She murmured. She reached over and took his hand. "Cas, when you told me about what you could do all those months ago, I was scared. I didn't know people like you existed. I know you though and I know you didn't ask for this. You're also my best friend, my favorite brother and I know you'd never hurt anyone on purpose."

Castiel just nodded a little bit. Anna went into the kitchen and got him an ice pack. No one else came to see how he was doing, including his mother, who was acting like the entire incident was his fault.

Maybe it was he fault. Maybe he had done it on purpose.

Castiel thought about how he'd stared at Brian, taking in his gaze, directing all of his anger and his energy at the bully. No one else had seen it, but even though Castiel hadn't been trying to make the glass shatter, it had. Not only that, it had flown at Brian like it had a mind of its own. Castiel, even though it was just for a second, wanted to hurt the bully. He really had wanted to hurt him. In the darkest corner of his mind, he had to admit that he had liked it, just a little bit.


	2. Chapter 2

After the accident on the bus, things in Castiel's life became strange, and this was really something special, considering what he could do.

First off, there was the pain. It was nearly constant physical pain. He started getting headaches on a daily basis and each day, they got worse. The ringing in his ears came and went and it made his headaches worse. The pain from his head moved down to his shoulder blades and all of the skin in that area dried out, constantly itching and achy. Castiel had never been injured and he rarely got sick, but in the weeks following the bus accident, he felt like an old man.

His "special powers" as Anna had dubbed them, became erratic too. He'd slip into people's brains without realizing it, tromping around in their private thoughts like it was his own personal vacation spot. He started hearing people without focusing and he was terrified that it'd become a nonstop stream of chatter in his head. His emotions became erratic, mostly because of the pain, and every other day, glass would break or light bulbs would flicker. Anna started driving him home from school so he wouldn't have another incident on the bus. One day he was home alone and desperately wanted the remote control. The remote control started to float over to him, very weakly and then it exploded. He didn't know to explain that. He never told Anna. Most troublesome was the cut on his knee. He tripped one day and skinned his knee and it hadn't healed. It was a tiny cut, but he'd had the freaky invulnerability for so long that he thought he might be dying because it didn't heal right away.

Brian Cooper received 40 stitches on his arms, face and neck after the accident and his vision was halfway gone in his left eye because a piece of glass had sliced an optic nerve. He'd have to get surgery to repair it. There would be no more baseball for Castiel's bully for a very long time. Whenever Cas saw him in the hallway, Brian would turn and go the other way. He was _scared _of Castiel, which had never happened before.

One day, a month after the accident on the bus, Castiel's head was throbbing, his ears were ringing, and he decided to find out why Brian was scared of him. He couldn't do anything about the pain in his head or the ringing in his ears, but he could try to find out what it was about him that suddenly terrified his ex-bully. He approached him at lunch and when Brian saw him approaching his table, which was filled with beefy football and baseball players, he actually looked terrified.

"Brian?" Castiel asked. He glanced at the table. No way did Brian's friends know that he was afraid of nerdy, skinny Castiel Milton, the odd one out of the shining Milton family.

"What do you want, freak?" Brian snarled. His friends started laughing, but Castiel heard his voice waver. Cas dipped into his brain, eager to hear what he was thinking. Maybe he wouldn't have to talk to him face to face and embarrass himself and his former bully.

_Oh God, what does he want? Just go away. GO AWAY. I don't want to look at you. Get away from me, you freak of nature. Oh God, he's not leaving._

Castiel couldn't help but smirk a little. He did feel bad, but Brian was still being kind of an asshole despite his fear, and it gave him a little boost to realize just how terrified he was of him.

Castiel lowered his eyes, looked at the ground, trying to look ashamed of being such a nerd, such a freak, in the presence of the jocks. The ringing in his left ear was dying down. He cleared his throat.

"Um, Brian, it's about Anna." He muttered. "She… wanted me to talk to you."

The other jocks began hollering, voicing their approval. His stepsister was a hot commodity. She was one of the most popular girls in the 10th grade and it was for all the right reasons. She was gorgeous, funny, intelligent and kind. She was also the younger sister of Benny Milton, who was the golden boy of Pontiac, Illinois. Every heterosexual boy in their high school would date her, even if he meant talking to her dweeby freshman brother in public.

"Okay. Awesome." Brian said, some of his unease showing.

He followed Castiel out of the cafeteria into the empty hallway. Cas turned to him. "Brian, why are you scared of me?" He asked simply.

"You don't think I don't know that it was you who did this to me?" Brian responded, his voice quavering even more now that they were alone. He pointed to his face. He was wearing glasses and the lens over the left eye was about a quarter of an inch thick. "I have to wear these all of the time. If I don't, I have to use one of those sticks that blind people use. You could have killed me. Some of that glass could have sliced my throat open."

"I didn't do anything to you." Cas said, trying to keep his voice steady. _Did Brian really know?_

"Your eyes, man. Your fucking eyes. It happened when you looked at me with those eyes. I've never seen anything like it. I don't know what the hell you are, but stay away from me." Brian said.

"My eyes? What do you mean by any of that?" Castiel asked.

_What the hell is he talking about?_

"Look, just leave me alone. I don't bug you anymore. I'll make sure my friends don't either. I'll get them to leave you and your sister alone. Just please, stay away from me. I see your eyes in my nightmares. Isn't that enough for you?" Brian said. He was backing up.

"What happened with my eyes? What are you talking about?" Castiel pressed.

"I'm not crazy. The second they lit up, the window exploded. You looked at it and made it explode."

"What are you talking about? My eyes don't light up. The window, I didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry." Castiel said desperately.

"You did do it! What the hell are you?" Brian whimpered. "Please, Castiel, stay away from me."

"What did my eyes do?" Castiel said. "Please, just tell me what you're talking about. I promise I'll leave you alone."

Castiel was getting desperate. With all the other weird shit that had happened in his life, it wouldn't surprise him if something like this happened. He truly was beginning to wonder what he was. Maybe he wasn't human. The ringing in his ears began again and his head throbbed even harder. Pain suddenly shot through his shoulder blades. These days he always hurt, he always was in pain. He couldn't help it, he groaned out loud.

"What's wrong with you?" Brian asked. "You look sick."

"Please, what did they do?" He begged.

"They lit up, okay? They lit up, all freaky bright. Your eyes became white. Pure white. They almost glowed. I'm going to see them in my head until I die and looking into them made my head hurt. Now, please, leave me alone." Brian said, looking down at the ground.

Castiel nodded. "I'm sorry for hurting you." He whispered, almost doubling over.

Brian just nodded and took off running down the hallway. Castiel knew he had to leave. The pain was growing worse by the day and with this new revelation about his "glowing eyes" (which sounded ridiculous) he had to do something. He didn't know what, but he'd start by leaving school. He stumbled to the hallway door, relieved the school as empty because it was lunch. He darted off school property, fumbling for his cell phone. He dialed his mother's number.

"Hello?" She said. "Cas, why are you calling me in the middle of the day?"

"Mom. I'm sick. I feel like I'm going to die. My head, mom, it hurts so bad. My shoulders and my head." He whimpered. "Can you please come get me?"

"Honey, go to the nurse and take an Advil. It'll be okay."

"I can't, it hurts too much. Something is happening to me. Please come get me. I need to go to a hospital."

"No!" She said sharply_. _"Castiel, you do not need to go to a hospital. It's just a headache."

"I hurt every day, I'm sick. I need help. Please come pick me up." He said, almost sniveling. He knew he sounded like a baby right now, but his head was pounding and his body felt like it was being torn apart from the inside out.

"You know I can't leave work."

"Please mom. Why do you hate me so much? Why? I am in so much pain. If you won't take me to the hospital, please just come get me and take me home so I can go to bed."

She sighed, sounding resigned. "Castiel, I don't hate you. Go to the nurse. I'll come get you"

"I already left. I hurt too much. I feel so sick, please."

"Meet me at the McDonalds a block from your school." She said, her voice sounding annoyed, like Castiel was some kind of pest.

"Okay. Thank you." He hung up the phone, trying not to smart over the fact that she didn't say _I love you _when he asked her why she hated him.

_I must be something awful. She must know._

He stumbled into the McDonalds and the pain in his shoulders intensified. He went to the bathroom, which thankfully was one stall only. He locked the door and stripped out of his shirt, determined to identify the source of the pain in his shoulders. Today they hurt more than they ever had.

He stared at himself in the mirror. He was scrawny and pale and looked the same as he always did. His shoulder throbbed and he turned to examine them. When he saw his bare back, he almost fainted.

"What the fuck?" He whispered.

His shoulders blades were completely black and blue, as if he'd been hit by a car. These injuries had not been there this morning. Nothing had happened to cause these injuries. The worst bruising was located in between his shoulder blades, about four inches below the top of his neck. Two identical bruises, both about as wide as his fist, sat parallel to each other on each side of his spine. They were ugly, a dark mixture of purple and black, with broken blood vessels evident through his pale skin. He touched one of them and gasped out in pain. They were swollen too. The area around the worst two bruises was a lighter purple, and the bruises looked almost feathery in texture. They extended all the way across his shoulder blades. He ran his finger over them and felt something strange. They felt… rough, not like his own skin.

"What's happening to me?" He whispered.

His cell phone rang, bringing him out of his trance. He gulped and put his shirt back on, eager to get home. As he walked out of the bathroom, a man's eyes slid across him. Castiel felt them, slithery and cold, like an eel. The man smiled at him, looking at him if he were a piece of meat.

"Hey there, little angel." The man said. He winked at him.

Castiel, too nervous about the bruises, didn't even look at him.

"My, my, I haven't seen something like you in ages…" The man started.

He was interrupted by Tina Milton, who was huffing and puffing like she'd run a marathon. She looked annoyed.

"Get away from my son, you old pervert!" She snapped. "Come on, Castiel."

"Now, now. Castiel, what a name. What a little angel you are." The man cooed, ignoring Tina Milton's stare.

Tina looked disgusted and just shot him another death glare and they walked out of the restaurant. Castiel's mind was reeling so much from the sudden appearance of the bruises and Brian's confession about his eyes, that he hardly noticed the way the man continued watching him. Castiel was sure that something terrible was happening to him. He didn't want to live to see what it was.

As soon as they were in the privacy of the car, he burst into tears. Tina Milton, who was usually completely put-together, her face a mask, actually looked stunned.

"Mom, what am I? What's happening to me? Please, just tell me." He blubbered. "Why won't you take me to the hospital? Why do I have bruises on my shoulders? Please, tell me. Mom, please."

Tina stiffened. "There, there, Castiel. Honey, don't worry. You're… you're going through puberty, is all. It's, um, it's different for everyone." She leaned in and gave him a stiff hug.

"Mom, why don't you like me? What did I ever do?" He sobbed into her expensive wool cardigan and she stiffened even more.

"Honey, Cas, baby. I love you. I like you. I just… Honey, I'm sorry. Let's go home, we'll talk there."

She pulled away and turned on the car. Castiel sat there, miserable.

"What do you mean, I'm going through puberty?" He whispered. "Mom, I'm almost 15. I'm almost done with it. What does that have to do with bruises? What does that have to do with me… well, everything about me? Why won't you ever take me to the doctor? I don't think I've ever been to a doctor."

"You are very healthy, son. You don't need to go to the doctor." She said awkwardly.

When they got home, Castiel noticed that his sister's car was there. He'd forgotten that she'd stayed home sick with a bad cold that day. He smiled feebly. At least they'd get to be sick together. The prospect of watching Maury with Anna was almost enough to make him forget about mystery bruises, glowing eyes and being an absolute freak of nature whose own mother couldn't stand him. His mother pulled up next to Anna's car, showing she intended to go back to work, and they walked around the back.

They stopped dead in their tracks.

The back door was table and chairs they kept out on the back deck for barbecues in the summer were knocked over and askew.

There were blood spatters along the white paint of the door.

Castiel could feel it in the air.

Something was very wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

I posted this yesterday, but for some reason it was deleted O.o

I'll post chapter 4 later tonight.

* * *

Cold fear swept over Castiel as he observed the scene on the porch. All of his instincts were screaming at him to flee, but all he could think about was his sister.

"Castiel." His mother whispered. "Slowly, we are going to move off the porch."

"Mom." He hissed. "Anna is in there."

"We're going to call her. Make sure she's okay. We are going to go back to the car first though and lock the doors."

His mother reached over and put her arm in front of him, as if she were forcing him to move backward.

"No." He hissed. "I'm not leaving her in there."

"Call 911." He whispered. "I can handle this."

He set his stuff down and tiptoed into the house as quietly as he could. His pain was forgotten. All he could think about was Anna. Protecting Anna, killing someone if they hurt Anna, and saving Anna. If anything happened to her, he wouldn't be able to live with himself.

All of the lights were on in the house and he heard the television playing in the living room. It was quiet, which was ominous in a way that he didn't like to consider. He turned the corner into the living room. A man sat on the couch, wearing khakis and a blue shirt. He was plain looking, with thinning blonde hair and a thin build. His legs were crossed, almost daintily. It took a second, but he realized who it was. It was the man who'd flirted with him at McDonalds.

"Oh, hello my little angel. How d'ya feel about me clipping your wings?" He asked, his voice silky and low. He grinned at Castiel and his eyes turned black.

Castiel screamed and turned to run out of the room. He didn't know where Anna was, didn't know how this man had known where he lived, but he knew he needed to get out of there. He knew the man was something horrible. The man was faster than him and leapt off the couch and grabbed Castiel by the back of his neck and threw him to the ground. Pain shot through his shoulders where the bruises were and for a second he saw white.

The man stood over him, one leg on each side of his body, and the man's eyes still black. He grinned again, showing a mouth full of crowded teeth. He bent over and grabbed the front of his shirt, lifting him off the ground.

"Oh, you are a rare treat." The man cooed. "I didn't think any of you remained. I thought that Michael had destroyed every single one of your kind."

Castiel struggled and the man moved his hand down to his throat, closing off his airway. Castiel gasped and tried to get away, but the man was inhumanly strong. He put his hand on the man's face, trying to push him off and there was light. White light poured from his fingertips into the man's face. The man howled in pain and withdrew, stumbling backwards, clutching his face. The white light had burned the man's skin and he was clawing at the singed skin on his cheeks.

Castiel just stared at his hand for a minute, not having any idea what had just happened, but then he knew it might be his only chance to escape. He got back up and fled the living room, into the front of the house, going for the front door. On his way out, he tripped over something. He fell face down and tried to scramble to stand up. Then he saw what he'd tripped over.

It was Anna.

Anna's body was lying in front of the front door, her throat slit all the way across. Blood was pooled underneath her small body and it was still dripping from her throat, indicating that she had been killed very recently. She was positioned on her side and her eyes were open, staring into space, at nothing. Her hands were covered in blood and so was the doorknob, indicating that she'd put hands to her throat and then tried to open the front door. Clearly she hadn't made it, because the door was still locked and there was blood streaked from the doorknob down to the floor, where she'd collapsed. Her last action had been her trying to escape.

Castiel felt like he stared at her for a very long time. It must have only been seconds since he escaped the murderer's grasp because suddenly, his mother was pulling him up off the floor, screaming at him that they had to get out before the man recovered. He barely heard her though. All he saw was Anna's body. Anna was dead. This man had killed her because, for some reason, he wanted Castiel.

"Come on!" She screamed and it sounded like they were under water.

She grabbed him by the arm and began to drag him to the back of the house, to the open back door. Suddenly his mother went flying backward, landing in a heap next to Anna's body. The man stood there, arm out, indicating that somehow he had thrown Castiel's mother without touching her. The man was grinning and the skin on his cheeks was singed red, where Castiel had touched him.

"Neat trick, but somebody isn't at full power yet! You're still going through puberty, aren't you little one?" The man said.

"You killed my sister!" He screamed.

The man burst out laughing. "She's not your real sister. Obviously not. If she were, I'd have possessed you and taken her. She's a lot prettier and I only need one." He pointed to Castiel's mother. "I assume that's the Virgin Mary?"

Castiel let out a scream, halfway planning to jump the man, but the man just flicked his wrist and Castiel was thrown against the wall. The man was holding him there was some kind of unseen power. He sauntered over to Tina Milton and lifted her up off the ground. Castiel struggled to get away, but he couldn't move.

"You?" He said, his voice filled with disgust. "They saw you special enough to gift you with something as spectacular as that boy over there? My, my, the fly boys have definitely let their standards drop in the last few millennia." The man said, clicking his tongue.

"I know what you are. You know they won't let you take him." She spat.

"Mom!" He yelled. "Let me go! Don't hurt her!"

Castiel struggled to get away, tried to summon some kind of force to escape the invisible grip the man had on him, something like the white light he'd emitted earlier. The man ignored him, but lifted his hand up and squeezed the air as if it were someone's neck, and Castiel was suddenly unable to move at all.

"So, who does he belong to? I didn't know there were any fly boys slumming it on this shit hole." The man spat.

"You can't have him!" She yelled into his face. "He won't let you take him!"

"So, you won't tell me who the daddy is? No, I'm sure he'll just kill him, like they killed the others."

Castiel tried to open his mouth to speak, but he physically couldn't. Whatever hold the… demon… had on him, it was affecting him completely.

"What do you want with him?" Tina asked, pleading all of the sudden. "What good could a child like him do for demons?"

"I felt him from miles away and it was something wonderful. Do you have any idea what this boy is capable of doing? What power he'll have once he has his full grace? Right now, he's a meek thing, but his wings, well, they're sprouting as we speak. Possessing him would make me one of the strongest demons alive!" The man said, grinning at her, his eyes flashing black again.

Castiel struggled some more, willing the force holding him against the wall to break. He stared at his mother, who was pleading for his life. Castiel didn't even know that she cared enough about him to plead for his life. At the same time, it was evident that his mother knew exactly what this man was. The way she was referring to Castiel indicated that she knew what he was as well. She had known all along. Rage flared through his body, directed at both his sister's murderer and his mother. He gritted his teeth, feeling his blood boil, pure rage overtaking him, and with that, the demon's hold broke.

The demon sensed it and whirled around, lifting Tina Milton completely off the ground, so she was standing in front of him like a human shield. The demon made a motion with his hand and a large hunting knife flew into his hand. It was stained with blood, Anna's blood.

"One more inch and I'll gut her. You really want her blood on your hands too?" He snarled.

"What are you?" Castiel growled.

"He's a demon." Tina whimpered. "He's a filthy, unclean demon from hell."

"Mommy's right. I am a demon. Name's Balzac. Don't move another inch or I will kill her." He warned again.

"What do you want with me? Why did you kill my sister?"

"I came here to retrieve you, my dear boy. Found your big sister instead. Oh God, she was pretty. I was going to possess her, but she fought and that made me mad." He said, grinning again. "Still might possess her though."

"What am I?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady. This creature obviously intended to kill him. He at least deserved some answers before he died.

"You're certainly not human." He spit, saying the word 'human' like it was a disease. "Well, maybe you're a little human, but mostly not. The fly boy who knocked mommy up clearly had a lot of power. Did mommy never tell you? You're a freak, Castiel, a half-breed, an abomination that God himself will smite."

Castiel choked. The anger swirled through him, making him numb. He was no longer afraid of this beast. He blinked, once, twice, staring at his mother, who was still in the demon's grasp. His entire life, she had lied to him. This demon had no reason to lie. He'd recognized that Castiel was different immediately. That had never happened before.

"How did you know?" He asked brokenly.

"Those wings you're growing, those puny, pathetic wings, they might not be the real thing, but anyone who's tuned in at all can feel how the air changes when you enter a room. I could feel your grace from 100 miles away. Why else do you think I'm in this pathetic town today?"

Castiel blinked and the windows in the kitchen shattered and the lights above the demon's head began to flicker.

Balzac burst out laughing. "That's my boy!"

Castiel felt his rage spill over. He let out a scream, a feral scream and launched himself at the demon, knocking his mother out of the way. He was on top of the demon and he shoved his hand on the demon's face, the face of the monster that had murdered his sister. Bright white light seeped from his fingers into the monster's skin, into the very core of the monster's being. Balzac yowled like a banshee, screaming in pain as his eyeballs burned and his life force drained out of the human body he was wearing. It took an agonizingly long time for the demon to die, but when he did, Castiel knew he was gone. He'd felt the demon's life drain away into his very palms.

Castiel tried to stand up, staggering. He looked over at his mother, who was a few feet away, curled up in a fetal position, sobbing into her hands. He stared down at his own hands. There was no blood on his hands, nothing to indicate the presence of the light that had just poured out of him. Whatever had killed the demon had come from somewhere unknown. Castiel had never seen anything like it. He had never felt anything like it. The feeling that washed over him when he killed the demon was absolute. Every emotion had disappeared and all he felt was power. Now that it was gone, he felt like a 14-year-old kid who wanted his mother and wanted to cry over his dead sister.

"Mom." He said raggedly. "Mom, please."

He crawled over to her. "Mom." He whimpered.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed. "I never should have had you. I knew this day would come. Anna is dead because of me and you… look at you."

"Mom?" He said brokenly. "What am I? Please. Nothing he said made sense."

"You're not human." She whispered, choking back a sob. "I thought you'd be human, more human anyway, but what you just did, well, you're connected to it. More connected than I ever thought possible."

"Connected to what?" He cried. "What the hell am I? What is happening to me?"

"Connected to the host. To others like you. Castiel, your father wasn't human. Your father is an angel."

Castiel backed away, feeling like she'd just thrown acid into his face. "You're insane." He hissed.

"I wish I was. I wish this was a nightmare. I wish you and your poor dead sister were a delusion. I wish none of this was real." She cried. "He was just so beautiful. Then you were so beautiful and I couldn't… I couldn't let them take you."

"Who is my father? What is happening to me? What am I?"

"You've always known, haven't you? What else can you do, Castiel?" She asked, her eyes suddenly wild. "Can you bring Anna back?"

"You've known all this time? Known I was different? You treated me… with such coldness growing up. I was all alone, going through this by myself. Mom, I'm a freak!" He yelled. "I've been a freak since I was 4 years old!"

She hung her head. "I'm sorry. I thought you might be normal. I thought there was a chance. Castiel, please, try to heal Anna. Please."

"I can't! What are you talking about? Anna is _dead _because you lied to me for years. If you had told me, if my father, whoever the hell is, was here, Anna would be alive! I wouldn't have… been so alone for years!"

"Try to heal her! I'll tell you everything." She cried, fresh tears falling down her face.

Castiel crawled over to Anna, whose body was cold now. He placed his hand on her cheek and tried to will the white light that had come out when he'd killed Balzac. Nothing happened. The pain in his head and his shoulders was gone for the first time in months. He knew it had something to do with killing the demon.

_Anna's dead and it's my fault. Anna died horribly, terrified and alone, because I'm not even human._

He and his mother sat there for a long time with Anna and Balzac's bodies. He kept his hand on Anna's face; trying so hard to do something that he knew innately he wasn't capable of doing. He hadn't known he could shoot out the white light that killed the demon, but he had, and when it had come streaming from his fingers, somehow it hadn't surprised him. He knew he couldn't heal Anna though. He wasn't strong enough.

Finally, his mother stood up. She looked so broken. She was usually so controlled and so cold. Now her hair was messy and she had blood on her face and her clothes were ripped. It was the first time Castiel had ever seen her like this, unwound and showing any kind of emotion at all. She disappeared from the room for a few minutes and returned with a small box. It was made of some kind of wood and had ornate carvings on the top that Castiel didn't recognize. She wordlessly handed it to him.

"Everything you want to know is in there." She muttered.

"What are we going to do?" He whispered, clutching the box.

She turned to him. "You have to leave."

"What?"

"Now that you've killed a demon, word will get out. They'll start coming after you. Demons, angels, god knows what else. They'll want you. God only knows what you'll become once you have all your grace. You're a nuclear weapon waiting to be detonated."

"What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? What is 'grace'? What is happening to me?" He cried.

"Leave. Just… leave me. You can't stay here, Castiel. You're putting everyone in this town in danger just by remaining. Everything you need to know is out there." She said coldly, her typical demeanor returning. She walked over to the cabinet and pulled a knife out.

"Mom…" He said, his voice heavy with warning. "What are you doing with that?"

She turned away and Castiel watched as she cut herself with the knife. He didn't know what to say. She hadn't cut herself enough to cause any real damage. She rubbed her finger in the blood and began to draw something on the wall. Castiel looked down at the box. Whatever she was drawing in her own blood resembled the carvings on the box she had given him.

She turned to him. "Castiel, I'm so sorry. I never should have brought you into this world. When you're gone, please stay away. You're not part of this family anymore." She said brokenly. She placed her palm onto the wall and Castiel felt himself catch on fire, white hot pain flashing through him, slicing into each of his molecules, cutting into him at his very core.

Castiel landed halfway across the world in a rural town in Japan. He awoke, still clutching the wooden box. His own mother, his only living flesh and blood in the world, had banished him.


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel's first few hours his own were the worst of his life. When he landed, because there was no other word for it besides that, he'd lain in the dirt for a very long time, praying for death. His sister was dead. His mother had lied to him for years about his origins. It was confirmed, he wasn't human, and now he was alone. All he had were the blood-soaked clothes on his back and a strange wooden box that he wasn't sure he could even open.

When death didn't come, which would have been merciful and beautiful, he got up began to trudge through the field where he'd landed, hoping to find a house or a store where he could clean up and possibly get some lunch. So far, today had been the longest and worst day of his life.

He had no idea how his mother smearing blood on the wall would have sent him here. He didn't even know where here was. He'd tried to get a sense of his location when he'd landed, but all he was able to glean from his surroundings were that he was nowhere close to home. For one thing, it was _hot _and right now, Illinois was mild, the temperature not really spiking up past 70. He was also surrounded by mountains and as far as he knew, there were no mountains anywhere close to home. It was also remote. He couldn't see any roads, couldn't see any houses or stores. Wherever he'd landed, it was truly in the middle of nowhere.

He thought about the day's events. In his mind, they seemed unreal. It hadn't really hit him yet, especially Anna's death and the appearance of demons. He hadn't even known things like that had existed, yet one had showed up at his house and turned his life upside down.

When he thought about his sister, he felt sick. Anna, beautiful and kind Anna, was dead. He thought about how she'd made him feel normal, despite his freakish traits. He remembered how after she had gotten used to the notion that Castiel was different, they'd go to the mall to people watch and play 20 questions. She'd point out the weirdest looking people, men who looked like trench coat flashers and women who looked like cat ladies, and she'd try to guess what they were thinking and then he would confirm or deny. When his temper began to spiral out of control the last few months due to the constant headaches and shoulder pain, she purchased yoga and meditation DVDs and they began doing yoga and practicing mindfulness in order to keep his emotions under control. Anna, who drove him to school and spent time with him during the weekends, even though she had more exciting places to be. Anna, who he'd helped pass physics. Anna, who had been the one constant in his life since he was seven years old, she was dead.

His misery compounded the further he walked when he became aware of more basic needs. For one thing, he needed water. It was at least 85 degrees outside and he hadn't consumed any water since the morning, which seemed like a different lifetime now. He hadn't eaten since this morning and he was beginning to feel exhausted. Without water, food or sleep, he didn't know what would happen to him. He knew he didn't want to die of starvation or dehydration.

Castiel groaned, realizing that his predicament could become dire very quickly. He sat down on the ground, trying to figure out what to do.

"Maybe the box has a gun inside it and I can shoot myself and spare myself any more days like this." he muttered to no one in particular.

He tugged at the lid once again, trying to pry it off. He smashed it on the ground, trying to break the lid, with no success. He stared at it, trying to think of what he was doing wrong. It was small, no bigger than a jewelry box. He ran his fingers over the carving on the lid. He thought about the strange smears his mother had put on the wall. The carvings on the box resembled it and whatever the sign on the wall had been, her blood had activated it.

"It's worth a shot." He murmured.

Not having anything sharp at his disposal, he leaned over and bit himself on the wrist, tearing away a sizeable chunk of flesh. He rubbed his bleeding wrist on the box and watched. The symbol on top of the box reacted to his blood, and the carvingburned and crackled_, _and was singed black. He looked down at his wrist, which wasn't healing. It didn't surprise him. He was still exhausted from the "battle" with the demon earlier.

The box popped open and inside, he found two things. One was an envelope with his name on it, sealed shut with a strange brand. There was also a vial containing something he couldn't identify. Castiel lifted it to his face and stared into it. The vial was filled with some strange white fog. Staring at it actually hurt his eyes a little bit, but somehow, it looked familiar. He tried to open the vial, but he couldn't do that either. He opened envelope and amazingly, inside there was a letter that was written in English. He began to read it.

_Dear (strange circle with lines and triangles around it),_

_If you're reading this letter, it means that Christina has come clean with you about your origins, or something has happened and you have discovered this box and this letter. I sincerely hope it is the former and that you won't need what's in the vial or me. I know your mother though and I suspect she would never tell you the truth, not until you were older and needed to know what was happening. You might wonder what the symbol next to 'Dear' is. That is your name, my boy, your given Enochian name. I believe in English it is spelled "Castiel," which does have a nice ring to it._

If you're of age, meaning a teenager in human years, you might notice you're going through some changes. I'm not talking about your voice changing. I'm talking about your grace. You probably are in a lot of pain and you might have wings by now. I wish I had been there to help you through the beginning of that. If you haven't realized by now, you are different than other humans. You're special; possibly even one of a kind. For this reason, I have done my best to protect you. No angels will find you or your mother and I pray (well, I don't pray, not anymore) that you are safe from anything else that might want to harm you. When you grow up, you will be very strong. I'm not even sure how strong, since you're my first and hopefully my only. Spiderman, quoting Voltaire, once said "With great power, comes great responsibility"—I instruct you to live by these words, even though I have not. You are your own man, but your abilities will set you apart from the rest of humanity. You might hate me and your mother for what we've done to you, singling you out, but your power is a gift, Castiel. Use it wisely.

If you read the bible, which I doubt you do, based on your mother's experience with me, you'll know that it dubs you "Nephilim" which translates into "giants." It doesn't mean in stature. You are the product of a human and an angel. Your mother is a special human and I am very different from most angels, and this is why I stayed away from them, among humanity. You are a result of this. I loved your mother once and I have always loved you, even though I haven't been there. If you are reading this now, there is a chance you might need me.

In the box, you will find a vial containing the tiniest speck of my grace. Due to some spell work I did when you were a baby, you are hidden from all angels, including me. You will need this grace to open up our connection, to bring me to you. I would love to meet you, even if you aren't in trouble. As with most Enochian spells, the vial requires blood to be opened. Prick your finger, place your finger on the vial, and say the words below. It doesn't matter if you mispronounce them. I will see you soon.

Love,

_Gabriel_

Castiel stared at the letter, which was written in beautiful script, clearly by someone with a light hand. His mother had said all of the answers he needed would be in the box. The letter was from Gabriel, who must be the "angel" who also happened to be his biological father. She must have meant that summoning Gabriel would give him the answers. Castiel wasn't sure that he wanted to summon Gabriel, who supposedly wasn't human and must also some kind of freak who is into interspecies romance. He remembered his mother saying "he was so beautiful!" and he wondered what Gabriel looked like. Would he have wings? Would he carry a harp and wear Birkenstocks? If Gabriel truly was an angel and angels existed, why was he separated from the rest of the angels?

Castiel stared at the words at the bottom of the letter. He didn't recognize the language, but he assumed it was Latin or Hebrew, since Gabriel was an angel. Castiel looked around. The field was empty and the sun was getting hotter, beating down on his bare skin. He was getting thirsty and he was so tired that he felt like he might pass out.

"I truly have nothing left to lose." He murmured to himself.

Castiel felt like he was going crazy. Was he really about to do a blood spellto summon an angel? Everything that had happened that day was out of this world and his life was only getting worse. It couldn't hurt, and if Gabriel really was his father, maybe he could help him. Castiel's wrist was still bleeding, so he rubbed some of that blood on his index finger and rubbed it on the lid of the vial. He said the words at the bottom of the page, stumbling over the vowels.

The vial's lid popped off and the glowing white mist, Gabriel's "grace," as he'd called it in the letter, flowed out of the vial and into the gaping wound on his wrist, mingling with his own blood. When the "grace" hit him, his wrist instantly healed and Castiel was overcome by a sudden sense of tranquility. It felt so right. He also felt clean, all of his guilt from earlier in the day, washed away. He sighed, hoping the feeling would never fade.

He heard a flapping, a rustling, that sounded like wings. A man had suddenly appeared in front of him, seemingly coming out of nowhere. Castiel's feelings of peace faded slightly when he saw the man. He didn't look like an angel at all. He was short, possibly even shorter than Castiel, with messy brownish blonde hair and the beginnings of a beard. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. He didn't have wings or a halo or a harp. He looked like Castiel's English teacher, not an angel sent from Heaven.

The man grinned at him. "Hey kid."

"You're Gabriel?" He asked in disbelief.

Gabriel just smirked a little bit. "Friends call me Loki, but you can call me Gabriel, since we're related and all."

Gabriel held out his hand and pulled Castiel up off the ground. He took in Castiel's appearance, the blood soaked shirt, his narrow shoulders, the messy hair and the deep circles under his eyes. Castiel felt embarrassed to look this way in front of an angel, even though Gabriel himself wasn't that impressive. At least Gabriel was clean and could transport himself all around the world.

"So, why'd she send you to Japan?" Gabriel asked, raising an eyebrow. "The blood, I assume that's not yours?"

"I'm in Japan?" Castiel asked in disbelief.

"Yes. Now, what happened?"

"A demon came after me." He muttered, not mincing any words. "It killed my stepsister and my mom sent me away."

Gabriel's face changed and suddenly, Castiel became acutely aware of the enormous power that this small man had. He could feel it coming off him in waves. Gabriel was angry and Castiel could tell that this wasn't someone you wanted to piss off.

"What happened to the demon? Did it hurt you?" He asked darkly.

"I killed it." Castiel said warily.

Gabriel's face changed again, from a look of anger to a look of surprise. "_You_ killed it?"

Castiel just nodded. He was so tired of all of this.

Gabriel was actually silent for a moment, as if he'd never suspected that Castiel would be able to do something like that. He just nodded and he looked a little proud. "Alright kid, let's get you out of here. You look like you need a shower, a warm bed and copious amounts of alcohol." Gabriel said.

Castiel opened his mouth to say something about how he wasn't old enough to drink, but shut it because right now, he was willing to try anything to make himself feel better. Gabriel placed a warm hand on his shoulder and he was transported across the world again, this time to a lavish apartment in London.

When they landed, Castiel's stomach turned over and he almost hurled. "What, how did you do that?" He gasped.

"It's called flying. One day you might be able to do it too. Have your wings come in yet?" Gabriel said.

"My _wings? _I don't HAVE wings. I'm not THAT much of a freak." Castiel said.

Gabriel just chuckled. "She didn't tell you much, did she?"

"She didn't tell me anything. I didn't even know… angels and demons existed until today."

Gabriel looked unsurprised. "What's your favorite food?"

"What?"

"You look hungry. There's a bathroom with a Jacuzzi in there. Go get cleaned up, try to relax a little bit, I'll conjure us some grub and I'll tell you everything you need to know."

Castiel thought for a minute, almost ready to demand answers, but then his stomach growled and he became aware of how disgusting he must be.

"Cheeseburgers. I like cheeseburgers and onion rings." He said slowly.

"What's the best cheeseburger you've ever had?"

Castiel shrugged helplessly.

"Alright, well, go get cleaned up. There should already be some clothes in there for you. I'll get you some dinner and if you're up to it, I'll tell you everything you need to know."

Castiel wandered into the bathroom. This apartment was the nicest accommodations he'd ever seen. He'd known immediately they were in London because he'd looked out the window and had seen Big Ben. He'd always wanted to travel and now he'd been to Japan and London in one day.

Sure enough, there was a Jacuzzi and a towel rack draped with a fresh set of clothes that looked his size, a bathrobe, and a huge towel. Castiel wondered where everything had come from, because there was no way Gabriel could have seen him coming. Ultimately, he decided not to think about it.

After the longest bath in the history, Castiel almost felt human again. He ventured out of the bathroom into the massive dining room. Gabriel was sitting on one of the plush chairs and an absolute feast of cheeseburgers, onion rings, salad, beer and soda sat out in front of him. Gabriel nodded at it.

"I got it from a seaside shack in New Jersey. Best damn burgers I've ever tasted." The angel said, smiling at him and this time it was a little less of a smirk.

"You went to New Jersey while I was in there?" Castiel asked. "Is this where you live?"

"Yes I did, and sometimes I live here. I've got a few places squired away. This one's the most kid-friendly. Speaking of that, how old are you anyway?"

"You don't know?" Castiel asked darkly.

"Castiel, I'm an angel. I've been alive for longer than you can comprehend. Time means nothing to me anymore. It's nothing personal." Gabriel said, shrugging a little bit.

He seemed like he was being honest, so Castiel cut him a break. "I'm 14. My birthday is in two weeks."

"Fourteen. I'll be damned. You're so young." Gabriel said softly. "You're a child."

Castiel just nodded a little. Right now he certainly felt like a child, helpless and small, lost without his family and his big sister. He sat down at the table and began to eat. Gabriel watched him with curiosity, as if he had never seen anyone eat before. The burgers were indeed the best he'd ever had, and so were the onion rings. He ate all of the food, drank the beer and the soda, as well as two bottles of water. It was probably the most satisfying meal he'd ever eaten.

"I'll say one thing. You certainly have an appetite. That's human." Gabriel observed as Castiel finished off the last of the food, a salad.

"You don't eat?" Castiel asked.

"I don't need to eat, but I do. Quite often, in fact, especially treats. It's one of the best earthly pleasures your species has been afforded."

"Why do I need to eat if I'm like you? I was so hungry I almost passed out."

"You're part human. Humans need to eat." Gabriel said. "You hear Nephilim and you think something undeniably powerful, something huge, something more angel than human, but sometimes they're a scared kid who likes cheeseburgers."

"Am I the first you've met?" Castiel asked. He didn't even understand what "Nephilim" meant.

"The first child. The others, and believe me, there were only two, well, their grace had taken over. They were mostly angel. You're more human than angel right now, although that is changing, especially if you can already kill demons. But God, you're a kid, you're so young, so innocent." Gabriel actually looked pained as he said that.

"Why do you look like that?" Castiel asked, pointing at him. "My mother said you were beautiful."

"What? This isn't beautiful?" Gabriel said, smirking a little bit, skimming his hands over his chest. "This is a meat suit. A vessel, if you want to be accurate. I've been wearing him for about 300 years now and he's like home. Hell, the dude whose body this was? I let his soul die in 1925, so I guess this body is as close to home as I'll ever get."

"Why can't I see what you really look like?" He asked bluntly.

"There's a good chance it'd kill you. Your mom is special, kid, she can see us in our true form. I don't know about you though and I don't want to risk it. The real me, well, remember that vial? Think about 2000 feet of that, but burning, glowing, white. Think wings the size of this building. Lots of wings. Think of wavelengths of grace, pure grace. That's the real me." Gabriel said. He didn't say it in a conceited way. He was matter of fact and this made him even more terrifying.

"Jesus." Castiel muttered. "So that misty stuff in that vial, that was grace? That was you?"

Gabriel just nodded a bit. "That's you too, although not as extreme."

"Is this not really me?" Castiel said. He felt slightly horrified. He couldn't imagine not having this body, the one he'd grown up in, the one that he knew so well.

"No, that's you, narrow shoulders, blue eyes, wings, and all. That body is yours. You have grace inside of you though, as well as a human soul. You're very special, Castiel. Now tell me, what happened at home? Why did Christina banish you?"

Castiel ignored the comment about wings. He didn't know why Gabriel kept referencing them. He didn't have _wings. _

"A demon came to my house. It said that it sensed me. It said it wanted me. It killed Anna before we got there and then it tried to kill my mom. I killed it first." Castiel said grimly. He'd reduced the story down to its simplest bits. He never wanted to think about it again.

"Did you burn it out of its body?" Gabriel asked cautiously.

"Yes, with this white light. I'd never seen it before. Not until today. I was scared and angry and that's when it came out. My mom… she said she never wanted me and that I couldn't come home. She sent me away by smearing blood on the wall and touching it."

"Goddamnit, Christina." Gabriel swore. "I'm sorry kid, I taught her banishing sigils so she could send other angels away. Not send you away."

"She banished me?" Castiel asked in a tiny voice.

Gabriel's face softened. "I'm sorry, Castiel."

Castiel didn't respond. The fact that his mother had, quite literally, banished him, to the other side of the globe, hurt more than he could say. He'd always suspected that his mother didn't really want him, that she saw something off about him. She'd always been cold toward him, while treating Anna and Benny, her stepchildren, with a sense of warmth and kindness that had made him extremely jealous. When they'd joined the Milton household, it appeared that Tina was getting the family she always wanted. Castiel had always wondered why she had treated him the way she did. Now he understood.

"Can you bring Anna back?" He asked, blinking back tears. "She died because of me."

"It wasn't your fault. I should have… protected you from demons like I did from angels. I never dreamed they'd sense your grace. I thought the warding I put on you and your mother was strong enough. As for your sister, I'll… see what I can do."

"Why would you protect me from angels? Aren't they good?" Castiel felt very small, very alone. Having angels watching over him suddenly sounded very nice.

"No. Castiel, they're not. They're not evil, not intrinsically, but most of them don't have emotions. Angels don't have free will. They do whatever they're told, following orders, even if the orders are cruel and unjust. There's a reason I left." Gabriel said. His voice was soft, as if he was trying to pad the truth, make it easier for his son to hear. All traces of his sarcastic demeanor had faded.

"Would they kill me?" He asked.

Gabriel didn't say anything and Castiel knew the answer. He remembered the demon Balzac's words, how he'd called him an "abomination that even God would smite." Gabriel himself had said he might be "one of a kind." He was the product of an interspecies coupling, an immortal, possibly all-powerful being mating with a weak human woman with selfish desires. Clearly, a being like him wasn't natural. He wasn't meant to exist and now he was alone in the world.

While Castiel felt guilty about everything that had happened, he knew it wasn't his fault. Being alone wasn't his doing and it was never what he had wanted. He hadn't asked for his mother to fuck an angel. That was actually the most sinful thing he could think of a human doing. He hadn't asked to be born. He hadn't even known what he was until four hours ago.

He thought about this in silence for a few minutes, while Gabriel watched him. Like everyone else, Gabriel was staring at him like he was some kind of exhibit at a zoo. This is when Castiel began to get angry.

"Why then? Why would she have me? Why would you let me live? My mom obviously hates me and you weren't around until now. My sister is dead because of me. Why not let the other angels kill me? Maybe they're right. Maybe the demon was right. Maybe I am an atrocity!" He yelled.

Gabriel looked up at the ceiling. The lights in the apartment were flickering and the enormous chandelier above them was rattling.

"Calm down, Castiel." Gabriel said, trying to keep his voice soothing. "Come on, kid, rein it in, you don't need to get so angry."

"This is your fault! Her fault! I never ever asked to be born. I didn't want to be a freak!" He screamed at Gabriel.

The lights exploded. Castiel felt the ringing start again in his ears. Gabriel's eyes widened. The window in the dining room shattered. Suddenly, Castiel was angry, so angry that he was no longer scared of Gabriel or demons or the other angels. He hoped he was making a ruckus and that some "angel" would pop out and kill him. The ringing in his ears grew louder. The chandelier's glass bulbs shattered, the room began to quake and Gabriel actually looked momentarily terrified. The last thing Castiel saw was the angel reaching forward and touching him on the forehead. After that, it was nothing but darkness, swallowing him whole.


	5. Chapter 5

This is the last teen!Cas chapter, although I had a lot of fun writing from this perspective. :)

Thanks to everyone for reading! I wish I knew how to properly respond to individual reviews.

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Castiel awoke in a dark room, in a large, plush bed that was nothing like the uncomfortably small bed from his room at home. He blinked and sat up.

_Maybe it was a nightmare. Maybe I dreamed all of that and it was some horrible nightmare. There's no way any of that was real._

Gabriel popped in, a surly grin on his face. "Hey kid." He said.

Castiel groaned. It hadn't been a nightmare. Anna was still dead. He was still a "Nephilim" and this jackass was still his biological father. "What did you do to me?" He snapped.

"You needed to rest. Believe me, I didn't think you'd be out for 26 hours. I just did the easy part and put you out. I had to assuage that temper of yours somehow." Gabriel said.

"26 hours?" He asked, his mouth falling open. He didn't even know it was possible to sleep for that long.

"It is." Gabriel said, winking at him.

"Don't read my mind!" He yelled. "I can't read yours, so it isn't fair!"

"Chill kid. Now you know how it feels. Just out of curiosity, why didn't you read Christina's mind? I'm sure she thought about this from time to time." Gabriel said.

It was a good question.

Castiel swung his leg out from under the covers. "I couldn't even do it until last year. I didn't want to read her mind. I don't want to read anyone's minds." He confessed. "I didn't want to find out how she really felt about me."

Gabriel smiled a little bit, but he looked sad. "Get up. I have news. It's not all good news, but some of it might make you feel better and maybe make you hate me a little bit less."

Castiel got out of bed and he realized that he was starving. He hadn't eaten anything but burgers in two days.

"Hey Gabriel, um, can I have some breakfast?" He asked.

"Already took care of it. Waffles?" Gabriel said. "You seem like you'd like waffles. If not, I can get you something else. Be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail."

Castiel nodded a little bit. "I love waffles, actually." He said, a very hesitant smile coming across his face.

For the first time, in as long as he could remember, he felt human. His love of waffles was human. The fact that Gabriel knew this and cared enough to get food for him made him feel a little better about the angel. They wandered out into the living room. Castiel looked around. The evidence of his temper tantrum was gone. The windows weren't broken and the lights were on. The chandelier was missing though.

"It's just glass. I can fix glass." Gabriel said absently. "I'm quite fond of that chandelier though, so it's gone until you can control your temper."

"Sorry." He muttered, slightly annoyed that Gabriel was reading his mind again.

The dining room table was once again covered with a feast. Donuts, waffles with syrup, fruit, various juices, and the best smelling coffee he'd ever encountered. Castiel's mouth watered at the sight of it. He sat down and began to shovel waffles into his mouth. God, he was so hungry.

"So, while you're… inhaling that, I'll give you the good news. I popped over to Pontiac, Illinois while you were napping and fiddled with your family's minds a little bit. Tina, your stepbrother, and that awful stepfather of yours won't remember anything about the demon or you being banished. All they'll remember is a robbery, a horrible, human tragedy that took you and your sister's lives. Now your mother will mourn you as her human son, just as she should." Gabriel said. He looked satisfied with himself, having spun a lie that created a proper human tragedy and relinquished Castiel of any responsibility in the horrible event.

Castiel stopped eating. "Is that what you consider good news? You messed with their heads? I'm dead to them? Why would I be?" He asked. "Why would they mourn me? I'm not dead."

"Finish your breakfast." Gabriel commanded.

"No, why can't I go home? If you can mess with their memories, why can't you just make them forget what I am so I can go back?"

Gabriel sighed. "You can't go back there, Castiel. Anyway, here's the bad news. There were demons watching your house. A whole mess of them. They were waiting for you. I killed them, each and every one of them. I warded your house and your family so demons won't come after them, but if you go back, the demons will return."

"Can't you ward me?" He asked, setting down the fork. The waffles suddenly tasted less amazing.

"Unfortunately not. It doesn't work that way, kid. Especially not now, when you're at this age. You're… a lot more powerful than I expected you to be. I didn't see it until yesterday when I had to put you to sleep. With those eyes, that temper, and those wings, you'll stand out to everything demonic within a hundred miles. You're just going to get stronger and you need to learn how to control it. It's best that you stay with me until you're old enough to protect yourself."

Castiel felt himself go cold. This was his life now? He'd spend it with Gabriel? He couldn't go home? Couldn't go to school?

"You weren't happy there." Gabriel said. His voice was soft, but very deliberate. "You said so yourself. With me, it will be better. I'll get you back into school, I promise. Kid, I'll do my best for you until you're old enough to take care of yourself."

"What about Anna?" He said, his voice finally breaking.

Gabriel shook his head. "I'm sorry, Castiel. I can't bring her back. I can't bring anyone back."

"But why not? My mom said…" He started. Tears prickled his eyes. He'd been so sure that Gabriel would be bring her back that he'd quit mourning her death as soon as he'd met the angel.

"I ran away eons ago. I'm cut off from the Host, from that kind of power. I'm stronger than most angels, but to bring people back, to heal them, you need to be connected to Heaven." Gabriel murmured. "I'm sorry."

"Where is she?" He said. His voice came out as a choking sob.

"She's in Heaven. She's happy and at peace."

"How do you know?" He whispered.

"She sounds like she was an amazing sister, Castiel. Believe me, the only place she would go is Heaven." Gabriel said. He reached over and awkwardly patted him on the shoulder.

"If you can't bring her back, then wipe my memory too. Make me forget about her." He said desperately. "I can't live with myself knowing that she died because of me."

"She didn't die because of you. She died because of me and your mother. She died because we never told you the truth and I wasn't watching over you like I promised and for that, I am so sorry." Gabriel said, lowering his eyes.

"Still, wipe it. Please, Gabriel. If you want to make up for everything you didn't do for me, wipe my memory. I know you can do it."

Gabriel just shook his head. "Doesn't work that way with angels, kid."

"I'm not an angel!" He cried. "You told me just yesterday that I'm part human! I don't even have… all of my grace, or whatever, yet."

"I still believe that. You've got your humanity, yes, but you also have enough grace in you to blow away a small town, Castiel. You're more connected to the Host than I am. With that soul of yours charging it and feeding it, you're going to be turbo charged in just a few short human years.

"Am I going to become an angel?" He said with disbelief. "Are you telling me, I'm going to become like you?"

"No, but you are going to be something else. Cas, you have the mojo. You just need to learn how to use it." Gabriel said, his trademark grin coming back. "That's where I come in."

Castiel noticed a change in Gabriel when he said that last part. The angel no longer looked sad about Anna or Castiel's fate. He looked eager. His eyes were glowing with excitement, as if he was imagining the great things that the two of them would do together. Castiel considered what Gabriel had told him about angels. They felt no emotions, they only followed orders. Gabriel might not follow orders, he might love free will and living life on his own terms, but that didn't mean he felt anything for Castiel, let alone any other humans Castiel might care about. Gabriel might be his biological father, but that didn't mean he cared for him at all.

Gabriel looked at him squarely in the eye. "Kid, I have emotion. Too much of it. Why do you think I left? Why do you think I protected you and killed dozens of demons to protect your human family? Now, finish your breakfast and then I want you to tell me all about what you can do."

"I'm not going to stay with you." Castiel insisted, glaring at him. "You just want to see what I can do. You don't care about me."

Gabriel groaned. "You are a dumbass. If I didn't care about you, would I be here? Would I have left an orgy with five French supermodels to come rescue you from that field in Japan? No, I wouldn't have. I could have left you, but I didn't, and I promise, I'm not going to leave you until you're ready."

"You have a funny way of showing it. Where were you for all those years? Why did you just call me a dumbass? Who calls their grieving son a dumbass?" Castiel cried.

"Castiel, I'm not human. You can't expect me to treat you the same way a human parent would. Fuck me, kid, I'll treat you better than they did. I won't lie to you. I'll help you instead of banishing you. You just have to accept it. You're stuck with me." Gabriel said, a smile settling on his face when he said the last part.

"If it's staying with you and becoming even more of a freak, or chancing it as a human by myself out there, I'll leave. I'll be fine."

"No you won't. You'd be fucked, dead within days, killed by demons or your own stupidity. You have no other choice. Where are you going to go? How are you going to live? What, are you going to get a job? You're 14. You can't even control your emotions, kid!" Gabriel taunted.

"I'll be fine." He hissed. One cue, a light bulb exploded.

Gabriel let out a loud guffaw. "Come on. Let's move onto happier things. Why don't you show me your wings? Let's see if they're big and impressive as mine are."

"I don't have wings! I'm not a disgusting freak!" Castiel yelled.

Gabriel just grinned. "Those bruises on your back? Those headaches, all that pain you're feeling? Kid, mom wasn't lying. You're going through puberty. Angels go through it too, believe it or not. The ringing in your ears, well, that's your grace. The worst part for angels is when your wings grow in. Lucky for you, yours are a lot smaller, so it'll be over quickly. You just can't see them. They're hidden, just one little dimension away."

Castiel just stared at him, contemplating whether he wanted to slap or hug Gabriel. It was bizarre to consider, but he thought about the pain he'd been in for the last 6 months. The way it was getting harder to just walk normally because of how badly his shoulders hurt, the way he constantly felt weighed down. He thought about the bruises that had appeared out of nowhere and how some of them had resembled feathers. He thought about the near constant headaches. The bruises and the headaches didn't seem like they mattered now, but they were still there and had to be related to something.

"Do you want to see them?" Gabriel asked. "Until you get used to them, they're just going to be a pain in the ass. Seeing them and getting used to them, will help you adjust."

"Will they be out at all times? Will I be able to go out in public?" Castiel asked. He couldn't believe he was entertaining the ridiculous notion that he had wings.

_"_Nope. I don't understand the extent of your grace just yet, but there's a chance you'd kill some folks. Not to mention, you'd be rushed off to the zoo. A simple incantation and they stay hidden, although you can still feel them and notice them, at least if you're not in a vessel." Gabriel said, shrugging. "One of the few perks of being tied to this body, I guess."

Castiel groaned again and Gabriel just grinned. Castiel could tell that Gabriel thought he was winning him over. Gabriel said something in a language that meant absolutely nothing to him and suddenly, he felt feathers brushing against the back of his neck. Gabriel stared at him and Castiel swear he saw a bit of pride in the angel's eyes. Gabriel motioned at the full length mirror that sat across the room and it flew directly in front of him, giving him a chance to see himself.

What he saw was in the mirror was his own scrawny frame, a young face with eyes still blotchy and red from crying, and a set of wings emerging from his back, exactly where he had felt pain for the last six months. The feathers were black as pitch, with a filmy, luminous texture. The wings were scrawny, not even three feet across and slightly bedraggled looking. Despite this, they were still wings. Seeing the wings, seeing his true reflection in the mirror, all of Castiel's hopes and dreams for leading a normal human life went flying like a feather out the window.

Over the next couple of months, Castiel learned more from Gabriel than he'd ever learned during in 14 years in school and in his "human life" as Gabriel called it (always said with some venom). Gabriel told him all about the "other world" and Castiel found out that demons, angels, vampires, ghosts, spirits, werewolves, basically everything that went bump in the night, were all real. Not to mention there was a God and a Satan, although Gabriel wouldn't elaborate on that.

Basically, everything Castiel ever had nightmares about existed and he didn't know how to feel about this. On one hand, it made him feel better that he wasn't the only one out there who was "different"—because hell, at least he wasn't a werewolf or a ghoul- but on the other hand, he was now terrified to go outside by himself. If a demon didn't get him, then it could be a vampire or a vengeful spirit. Gabriel laughed at all of these creatures, but Gabriel had also been alive since the dawn of humans and probably saw himself as invincible.

Castiel could hardly grasp Gabriel's true age. The sheer number of years he'd been alive was incomprehensible and he'd seen things that Castiel couldn't even imagine. Castiel also sometimes had a hard time believing that Gabriel was thousands of years old because the angel occasionally acted like he was a 15-year-old boy. He behaved in a way that would embarrass Castiel if they ever went anywhere in public together. He had a hard time buying that this entity was his biological father. Gabriel was a goddamn angel and they had a shared grace, but that is where the similarities ended. Castiel often felt that he was the more mature of the two of them; especially when Gabriel did things like convince gullible humans that the Incredible Hulk was out for their blood.

Gabriel also told him, with some pride, about his adopted brethren, the Pagan gods. Gabriel's "family" had no idea he was an angel. Castiel was slightly appalled that Gabriel constantly preached to him about "no more hiding" but had been living under a false identity for three or four millennia. Fortunately, he didn't spend too much time with the Pagan gods, though Gabriel wouldn't shut up about a chick (okay—she's a god, but Castiel can't believe that there are_ Gods) _named Kali. Castiel didn't know how Gabriel would introduce him if they ever came into contact with these beings. Was he Gabriel's son? His entertaining sidekick? Could Pagan gods even bear children? Castiel didn't know. He hoped Gabriel wouldn't expect him to adopt these creatures as his family. He'd never met them, but like everything else Gabriel told him about, they scared the living daylights out of him.

Gabriel eventually enrolled Castiel in school, just as he'd promised, although he questioned why he wanted to go. Gabriel didn't see the need for education, mainly because thought the things Castiel would learn about were pointless. Moreso, Gabriel also considered himself the greatest teacher of all since he'd been alive for so long and was one of the most powerful creatures living on earth. Castiel needed school though. His life had been turned upside down and he needed to be around people his own age, needed physics and English classes in order to maintain some sense of normality. Gabriel didn't understand why Castiel would want human peers, when he was "so far beyond" humans.

Gabriel was unknowable in many ways. Castiel didn't always know what with his spare time and how he stayed amused after so many years on earth. Gabriel often disappeared while Castiel was away at school. Sometimes didn't come back to the London apartment for days at a time. In a way, this suited Castiel just fine. He enjoyed his alone time, enjoyed being away from Gabriel, whose personality and utter being were both huge. It gave him a break, gave him a chance to pretend he was just a normal kid, even though it couldn't be further from the truth.

Gabriel never stayed away for more than three or four days, always returning with stories that hardly seemed real. He spent hours educating Castiel about angels and their history, including necessary information about Enochian spells and banishing sigils. He tried and failed to teach him Latin, which he insisted was still the most important human language. In many ways, Gabriel also became very paternal toward him, which neither of them had expected. When Castiel first moved into the apartment, he had vivid, terrible dreams about demons and blood sigils every night. Some nights he would wake up, screaming, just to find Gabriel standing there, staring at him with a bizarre, pained expression on his face. Gabriel would never say anything, but whenever Castiel found him there, he'd fall back asleep in seconds and the dreams would fade. He didn't realize until much later in life that Gabriel was literally taking him under his wing. He was also paternal in the most obnoxious ways possible. He yelled at Castiel about his temper whenever he made glass explode and even tried to ground him once when he invited several classmates over to their lavish apartment without permission.

All in all, Castiel and Gabriel made a strange pair. He missed Anna with an ache he couldn't even describe, but slowly but surely, his mother and the rest of his human family were fading from his mind. He suspected that Gabriel was doing something to speed his grieving and his transition into his new life along, but Castiel didn't know what and he didn't ask why. He didn't want to know. All he knew was that he felt better around Gabriel, both physically and emotionally, something that the angel said was related to their grace. Castiel also knew he'd be completely alone in the world if it weren't for Gabriel. After many months, he'd come to accept that he was the child of an Archangel, who he'd began to view as family.


	6. Chapter 6

_12 years later – Santa Cruz, California_

Dean Winchester might only have a GED and $6 to his name, but he's an expert on creatures that go bump in the night. What he's looking at right now isn't something that goes bump in the night. This case, handed to him and his brother by a disgruntled and currently injured friend of Bobby's, does not actually appear to be a case. This annoys Dean, because, you know, he's in the middle of trying to stop the apocalypse from happening right now and doesn't really have the time to spare.

The "creature" he's supposed to be hunting, what Rufus suspects is some kind of Jinn, is actually just some guy. Granted, he's an extremely beautiful guy, but he's just a guy nonetheless. Dean and Sam have been watching him for nearly two days and so far, the most exciting thing he'd done is go to a peep show. Dean followed him into the peep show, thinking the guy might be looking for an unsuspecting performer to drug and kill, but the guy just sat there, looking bored and not even slightly turned on. The guy didn't even seem to suspect he and Sam were following him either. If he really were a Jinn, then he'd be on high alert for hunters.

Dean and Sam are sitting outside the guy's apartment in the Impala, watching the guy load dishes into a dishwasher. Even from 50 feet away, the guy still looks bored. Dean understands the feeling.

"How do normal people live?" Dean groaned. "This guy is so painfully normal that I'm bored stiff even THINKING about his life."

"We don't know yet, Dean. He's new to town. Rufus might have been right about him." Sam said, even though he wasn't sounding convinced.

"Rufus has a half-assed report from some drunken witness about how the guy's eyes glowed and two towns over there was a possible Jinn attack." Dean said. "That hardly means that this is our killer."

"We've taken on cases for less." Sam said.

"Yeah, but Sam, we're in the freaking fight of our lives. Demons are everywhere, the Devil's Gate is accessible, and Lilith is nowhere to be found. We still don't know what they want with you. We should be out there, kicking demon ass, yet we're here instead, watching this guy do his dishes." Dean said.

Sam shrugged. "At least he's pretty." He joked, imitating what Dean had said when they'd first laid eyes on the possible Jinn.

"Shut up."

Inside the house, the guy stops what he's doing and looks around, as if he feels someone watching him.

"Now you're suspicious?" Dean muttered. "Two days, dude. We've been watching you for two days."

Dean picked up his binoculars to take a closer look at the guy. It's almost suspicious that the guy is suddenly apprehensive after all of this time.

"What, hoping he'll undress?" Sam cracked.

Dean swatted Sam on the side of the head, but doesn't remove the binoculars from his eyes. He doesn't say it out loud, but he kind of _is _hoping for that.

The guy stops looking around and smiles, now that he's seemingly convinced that no one is watching him. He moves to the window and closes the blinds and turns out most of the lights.

"Damn." Dean swore. Just when Joe Normal was starting to get interesting.

"You're a creep." Sam observed, raising an eyebrow.

"What the hell kind of a name is Castiel, anyway?" Dean said, lowering the binoculars. "I mean, seriously, who names their kid that?"

"A weirdo? A hippie? I don't know, Dean. I think you're right though. Despite the guy's name, I think he's just your average Joe. Maybe we should take off. There are some possible omens in Oklahoma City."

Dean's about to respond, when he sees something that makes him drop the binoculars. From outside, even though most of the lights in the guy's house are off and his blinds are closed, Dean is sure he sees the shadow of a pair of huge fucking wings unfurl from the guy's back.

"What the fuck?" Dean whispered. He lifts the binoculars again and stares through them. Sure enough, he sees the shadows of the wings move. They're flapping as if the guy is trying to work a kink out or something. The guy's human body is totally obscured, hidden by what appears to be 8 or 9 foot wingspan.

Sam grabs the binoculars from him and stares inside. "Jesus." Sam muttered "Is that… are those… does that guy have wings?"

Dean just nodded. Somehow he feels like watching this is more intimate than watching the guy undress.

"I don't think he's a Jinn." Dean responded. He can't stop seeing the way the guys' wings unfolded from his narrow back, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. He wasn't going to say this out loud either, but it had been kind of awe-inspiring, even though he'd just seen it in shadow.

"Well, no shit, Dean. I think this case just got important again." Sam said, his mouth falling open as he watches the guy through the binoculars.

"Dude, what should we do? Should we kill him?"

"No! Why would we kill him?" Sam responded. "He's minding his own business. We haven't seen him do anything to indicate that he needs to be killed."

"He has wings_. _Sam, he's not human_."_

"We should talk to him. We don't even know what we're seeing, Dean. He's definitely not a Jinn."

"Well, then what the hell is he? He's definitely not human. In my experience, we kill something if it isn't human."

"Maybe he's an angel." Sam said, a little wistfully. He was still hurting from a not-so-recent case where "angel sightings" had just ended up being a vengeful spirit that was convinced it'd been reborn as messenger of God. They'd ended up burning the bones, just like almost every other case.

Dean burst out laughing. "Oh yeah, an angel. Tell me, do angels live in the suburbs? Do angels go to peep shows? Do angels wash their own dishes? Come on! You know there's no such thing."

"If there are demons, why can't there be angels?" Sam accused.

"Sammy, God love you, but you're an idiot. This guy has to be some kind of monster. A shapeshifter, maybe, or possibly some kind of witch. Who knows, but I can tell you, this case is going to end bloody."

"Whatever he is, I'd say it warrants some research. We should at least look into his background before we kill him." Sam said, nodding, as if he were excited by the prospect of research.

Two hours passed and Dean hadn't found any creature that lived like a human, yet also had giant fucking wings and eyes that glowed. There were, of course, creatures that had wings, but they couldn't pass as human. Nothing in John Winchester's notebook or Bobby's brain matched what they'd seen and heard about their mysterious winged man.

"This guy is just as boring as we thought." Sam announced from behind his laptop. "Castiel James Smith, aged 23. Born and raised in Chicago, went to University of Chicago, where he majored in computer science. He moved to Santa Cruz two months ago and he works as a data analyst at the local university. A couple of speeding tickets, but no criminal record. This guy is as vanilla as they come."

"Anything about his parents? His family?" Dean asked. "There has to be something."

"Nothing I could find. Raised by a single father who died a few years ago in a car accident. Mom died when he was a kid from cancer or something. No siblings. Like I said, nothing."

"Maybe we were seeing things. Maybe he just has a weird angel fetish or something and they weren't even real wings. We did see them through the blinds."

"They looked pretty real to me. The way they were moving…" Sam said, shaking his head.

"They were twitching. He looked pretty happy when he realized he was alone, like he could finally let them out or something." Dean said.

During the two days they'd been watching the guy, they hadn't seen him smile once. Right before he'd let the wings loose, he'd been grinning a lot.

Sam raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Obviously Dean had been watching their mystery man a lot more closely than he had been. Sam surfed through the search results for the name "Castiel." So far, that was the only strange thing on record about this potential case. People gave their kids peculiar names a lot these days, but he'd never even heard the name Castiel. Sam typed in "Castiel + Illinois," curious about what else would come up since their winged man had grown up in Chicago. Shockingly, he found something fairly recent in the first page of results.

"Hey Dean, I found something. Maybe." He called.

Dean sauntered over and looked over his shoulder. "Pontiac, Illinois—Local Teens, Castiel and Anna Milton, ages 14 and 16, killed in home invasion." He read. "Sam, when was this?"

"Around 12 years ago." Sam scrolled down the page. "Oh god, this is horrible. The mom came home from work and found their bodies. They were both home sick with a cold. Jesus, they were just kids."

Dean read over his brother's shoulder "Anna Milton, 16, described as one of the most popular girls in her class and Castiel Milton, 14, a bright honors student, were found dead in their home on February 1, 2001, the alleged victims of a home invasion gone wrong. The teenagers were found in their home with multiple stab wounds. The community knows them as the siblings of hometown hero, Benny Milton, who was recently drafted by the San Diego Chargers. Tina Milton, the mother of young Castiel and stepmother of Anna, described her children as being 'inseparable.' The scene indicates that Castiel died defending his older sister, proving the Miltons are a family of heroes. Police have a suspect in custody and details are forthcoming."

Dean stared at a picture of the siblings together, one that was taken when they were younger. They were posing in front of a football jersey that said "Milton #33." They looked ecstatic and proud, and incredibly young. Anna had bright red hair and braces. Castiel had a mop of brown hair and huge frightened blue eyes. The sister had an arm around the brother, clutching him tightly, as if she were protecting him from the flash of the camera.

"Jesus Christ." Dean breathed. "Those poor kids."

"Don't you think that's strange though? Another Castiel from Illinois, roughly the same age as the one we just saw unfurl his wings?" Sam said, wrinkling his nose.

"That Castiel died when he was 14, Sam. He was stabbed to death in a robbery. They had a body. Tragic, yeah, but I'd write it off as a coincidence. He died a human death."

"The guy who killed them committed suicide in prison a couple of months after being caught." Sam said, reading the next result.

"What a tragedy." Dean said bluntly.

Sam shrugged and closed the laptop. "Maybe there's nothing to this. We'll go check up on him again tomorrow. Maybe we could even talk to him. Maybe he's just a guy with an angel fetish, like you said."

"Maybe." Dean said, his memory flashing back to those wings. He didn't think so.

Castiel was sitting in his tiny kitchen, wings flapping listlessly. He was aching to fly and his fingers were itching for a blade. Instead, he was reading the Sunday Times and dreading going to work tomorrow.

As usual, he was bored.

Since he'd given up hunting demons four months ago, he'd been bored to tears. He'd quit because Gabriel had told him needed to stop, until he figured out what had been the purpose of opening the Devil's Gate. These days, demons were everywhere. Clouds of black smoke had been reported in many major cities across the globe and the word was that the demon queen herself, Lilith the great, had somehow escaped too. In cities across the world, especially in the United States, demons were possessing record numbers of humans and there was little anyone could do to stop it.

You'd think this would have inspired Gabriel to tell him to keep kicking demonic ass, but his father was sure something apocalyptically awful was about to happen. He didn't want Castiel to get caught in the middle. Castiel thought this was stupid, especially since he was more equipped to hunt demons than any of the pathetic humans who tried to do it, but he'd learned from a young age that Gabriel knew what was best. The archangel Gabriel, or "the Trickster" as everyone else knew him, might be a pompous ass, but he hadn't survived three millennia on earth posing as a Pagan God by being stupid. Castiel trusted him with his life.

Still, he was incredibly bored. Human life had lost its shiny sheen years ago and he had no interest in posing as one. He knew he was quite the opposite of that and he hardly empathized with humanity as a 26-year-old child of an Archangel. Five years living under the protective wing of Gabriel and seven more years living mostly on his own as a hunter and a wanderer had that effect on him. Not to mention that he found humans somewhat appalling, with their tiny and limited brains, short life spans, and bodies that were so easily broken. True, he was still somewhat human, but he no longer saw the appeal.

Castiel reached behind his back and absently scratched at a feather. He sighed. He glanced around, hoping Gabriel didn't have his eyes on him. He could usually feel it when the angel was watching him. Gabriel didn't watch him as much as he used to, but he still kept his eyes glued to Castiel more than he liked.

Castiel stood up and stretched, his twitchy wings still flapping. He was thinking about India. It was one of his favorite places in the world. He'd spent some time there once he'd left Gabriel's side and it had been a beautiful place to start his life. During his time there, he'd developed an interesting relationship with a young woman named Nalini, who worshipped Kali. Castiel was good friends with Kali, so of course Nalini had appealed to him. He and Nalini had some good times and he'd actually fancied her quite a bit for a human, but then there had been a mass possession in a small town in Iowa and he'd had to take off.

"Maybe I'll just pop over there and see what Nalini is up to." He said to no one in particular.

Castiel couldn't fly far distances that often, so he knew if he ended up in India, he'd probably be stuck there for at least a week, unless he purchased a plane ticket or Gabriel retrieved him. He did have a job here, not that he cared for it in the slightest. He'd promised he'd keep up appearances though, at least until Gabriel figured out what was up with all of the demons. God though, he was _so bored._

Castiel was not cut out for the mundane existence of human life.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the lack of updates... been busy with life, I guess O.o

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Dean stared in the rearview mirror of the Impala and adjusted his tie. He made a face, trying to look stern. He and Sam had posed as FBI agents numerous times now, but he was still secretly nervous that he didn't have the brains to come off as a college-educated criminal justice professional without his brainy younger brother by his side.

Today Sam was two towns over, investigating the Jinn attack that had brought them to Santa Cruz the first place. Dean was going to be Agent Angus Young, looking into some random disappearance that had taken place a week after Castiel Novak has rolled into town and started working at the university. For all Dean knew, Castiel had perpetrated the disappearance of the UC Santa Cruz student. Mostly he needed a reason to get their mystery winged man alone.

Dean took a deep breath and got out of the car, trying to walk with a sense of purpose into the building where Castiel worked as a data analyst. He'd never admit this to Sam, but he was still getting used to hunting alone. He was used to having John or Sam by his side. Now that John Winchester was dead and gone, Dean knew he'd have to get more comfortable working alone. Their cases often required it.

He entered the building, straight to the reception desk. An older woman looked up. When she saw his face and his suit, she perked up.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"Hello m'am. Agent Angus Young, FBI." He said, whipping out his fake badge.

The receptionist looked a little nervous. "Oh, hello Agent. Anything I can do for you?"

"I'm here to talk to one of your employees, a Mr. Castiel Novak." He said confidentially.

"Oh, you're here to see Cas? I can't imagine you have the right man. He's such a sweetheart! He's an analyst in the IT department here. Cute as a button." The woman smiled, clearly charmed by a man that Dean knew he may have to kill.

Dean grimaced. So far this wasn't going well.

"It's nothing he's done, m'am, I can assure you of that. Mr. Novak is not in any kind of trouble. I just need to speak with him immediately."

The woman raised an eyebrow, but lifted the phone and called Castiel. She whispered to him conspiratorially that there was someone from the police here to see him and giggled when he said something in response. Dean hadn't even met him face to face, but he could tell that this guy was definitely a charmer.

Castiel Novak appeared in the reception area a few minutes later and his appearance made Dean swallow. He'd been following him for two days, but he still hadn't seen him up close. The man was definitely pretty, but with a slight rough edge to him. He was definitely Dean's type, at least when it came to the same sex. Sometimes it was horrible playing on both sides of the fence. He could never decide what he liked.

"Can I help you, officer?" Castiel asked.

His voice was coarse, as if he'd been smoking for 40 years. It wasn't the voice he'd expected. Dean felt a jolt go straight to his crotch. He tried to shake it off. Dean had never been affected by the more attractive creatures they hunted. That was usually Sam's deal.

"Yes. Mr. Novak, if you have a moment…" He started, swallowing again.

Castiel smiled at him and Dean felt the man's gaze catch his, blue eyes drilling into green. Castiel was basically having eye sex with him in front of the receptionist. Despite this, Dean found himself unable to look away.

"Of course." He said. Somehow, Castiel was managing to smolder at him with only his eyes.

Dean's mouth went dry and he just motioned to the door. No one affected him like this. Men, women, or the things he killed. No way was Castiel Novak human.

A few minutes later, they were sitting outside the building at a picnic table. Castiel kept his eyes on him, not letting his eyes leave him once. Dean actually began to feel a little creeped out.

"Hey man, what's with the stare?" He snapped.

"I should be asking you the same question. Why is an 'FBI agent' here to question me?" Castiel asked, smiling at him.

"I'm here about the disappearance of Christy Gaines." Dean said, trying to regain the upper hand.

"Never heard of her." Castiel said, shrugging. He continued to stare at Dean, his smile growing a little colder. Castiel leaned forward a little bit, his big blue eyes practically flashing.

"She disappeared right after you moved into town. Her address…" Dean felt himself drift away.

Castiel stared at the "FBI agent" that was currently sitting in front of him. The guy had been almost too easy to charm, to easy to put into a trance. All it had taken was a few long stares. He'd dipped into his brain as soon as he'd saw the guy and all he saw were thoughts of lust. The "FBI agent" found him incredibly attractive and had been nervous about this meeting since before he'd gotten here. Castiel sighed, shaking his head at the "FBI agent", who was sitting there with a dumbstruck expression on his face.

"Humans." He muttered, shaking his head some more.

He leaned forward and pulled out the guy's badge. "Agent Angus Young. Nice." He said, chuckling. He didn't quite understand the reference, but he was sure it related to a band or something. It sounded like an alias that Gabriel would use. "Too bad, Agent Young. You're kind of cute yourself."

Castiel heard a flutter of wings. He groaned internally. Gabriel was supposed to be giving him space, letting him do his own thing now that he was "human," but he just kept watching.

"Are you stupid?" Gabriel hissed into his ear. "Working a trance in broad daylight? Now, with everything that's going on? You're supposed to be keeping a low profile, you stupid fucker!"

"He's not a real FBI agent." Castiel intoned. "I could tell by the second I saw him."

"No shit! He's a hunter. Not only is he a hunter, but he's Dean Winchester. You're working your mojo on Dean Winchester, of all people, in public, in broad daylight? I know you're young, I know you're cocky, but are you stupid too? Why is he talking to you?" Gabriel demanded.

"Dean Winchester? Is that name supposed to mean something to me?" Castiel said, raising an eyebrow. "Come on, he's a hunter. We've dealt with plenty of hunters."

Gabriel just continued to hiss in his ear. "Get rid of him. Do whatever you need to do to convince him you're a boring human who works with computers for a living. You do not want the Winchester brothers coming after you, especially not now, believe me!"

Gabriel disappeared. Castiel felt a little stunned. He hadn't seen Gabriel that worked up since the last time Kali had broken up with him. He sighed again, so annoyed that he'd have to keep up this façade.

Dean blinked, feeling like he was coming out of a slight haze. Castiel Novak still sat in front of him, looking as delectable as ever. Except now he looked slightly annoyed and his eyes were no longer on Dean.

"S-sorry. I must have blanked there for a minute." He said, blinking some more. He straightened up, adjusting his tie. "Christy Gaines. She was a student here, disappeared right after you moved to town. Her address is listed as being two blocks from your current address."

Castiel just blinked back at him. He smiled a little, trying a little too hard to look sweet. "I'm sorry, Agent… what did you saw your name was?"

"Agent Angus Young. Back to Ms. Gaines." Dean said, trying to make his voice boom.

"Christy Gaines… I remember seeing her name in the paper and online. I've never heard of her besides that though. I don't even really remember what happened to her." He said, shrugging. "It was kind of crazy around that time, you know? I'd lived in Chicago my entire life, then moving here… it was like uprooting my whole life."

"Why did you move here, Mr. Novak?"

"Please, Agent Young… call me Castiel. Mr. Novak was my father and he was kind of a dick." Castiel said, almost a little too loudly. "Anyway, I moved here for a job. That simple. I graduated from college, took the first job I was offered. Just my luck that it was across the country, which is actually what I wanted. I needed to start over."

Dean's eyes studied Castiel's face. He'd had years to study liars, while also being quite a liar himself. Castiel Novak did not seem like he was lying, but there was something there. Dean could sense something just beneath the surface. This man obviously had nothing to do with the disappearance of Christy Gaines, God rest her soul, but there was something he was hiding.

"How long have you been in town, Agent Young?" Castiel asked, changing the subject.

Castiel's face changed from earnest to slightly flirtatious. Dean felt the jolt again.

"A few days. Following several leads." Dean said.

"I swear, I've seen you somewhere." Castiel said, squinting at him.

_The peep show_.

For less than half a second, Castiel's face changed and Dean saw it again, something that made him sure he was hiding something.

"Tell me, Agent Young. Am I really a suspect here or are you just questioning every new employee at UC Santa Cruz? I swear, I have no idea who Christy Gaines is, let alone what happened to her. I can even come in for an official interview if you want. I don't want my co-workers to think I'm a weirdo or anything." Castiel said.

"That… won't be necessary." Dean said. As the words came out of his mouth, he wasn't sure why he was saying them. The guy was basically offering to volunteer more information and Dean was very suspicious of him. He didn't know why he was turning it down.

"Well, if it's unofficial, maybe I could buy you a beer when we get off work? I'd love to pick your brain about a typical day on the job. When I was a kid, I always thought it'd be awesome to be in the FBI." Castiel said, leaning forward a little bit.

Castiel rested his chin on his palm and smiled at Dean, looking up at him through a shade of dark lashes. Dean felt himself transform into a woman as he thought this, but he believed this is what Tyra Banks referred to as "smiling with your eyes." For the third time in less than five minutes, he felt the jolt and then he found himself taking Castiel's phone number and putting it into his phone.

He had just made a date with their case.

Castiel waited until Dean Winchester had driven away in his obscene black gas guzzling vehicle before he started to properly freak out. Dean Winchester had been watching him, possibly for days now. The hunter had clearly thought "the peep show" when Castiel had just ventured to one less than a day and a half ago. This meant that the hunter had a reason to be watching him, had a reason to be questioning him in the first place.

Hunters normally didn't scare Castiel, but if Gabriel had told him to watch out for Dean Winchester, then it was possible that he posed some kind of threat. He didn't know why, but whatever it was, Castiel knew he hadn't kept a low enough profile. Once again, his sense of himself had been overinflated. Castiel felt rattled and that was something that he wasn't used to feeling anymore.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." He muttered to himself. "Fuck. How did I miss him? He's so obvious."

Castiel paced in front of the building for a minute, trying to decide what to do. If he went to Gabriel, then he was in for an epic ass-whooping, but at least Gabriel could clean up his mess. He could try to find out what Dean Winchester was doing on his own, but that could make things worse and Gabriel would find out anyway.

Castiel stalked back into the building, went straight to the receptionist, who adored him. He told her that the agent had some bad news about his family and that he had to take the rest of the day and maybe the week off. Castiel had dealt with plenty of tragedy during his short life and knew how to play this card. All it took was a deep stare into her eyes and a sob story about a missing aunt, and she was crying her eyes out and calling his boss.

He immediately went to the empty bathroom and took off, flying back to his small human house, still unaware that it was his wings that had drawn Dean Winchester to him in the first place.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey everyone- I just realized that throughout this story, at least in the last two chapters, there has been an issue with the formatting, at least on Google Chrome. This story is meant to go back and forth between Dean and Castiel's perspectives, but it's not super clear without the line breaks. From now on, I will note the change in perspective with a line from FF's HTML editor—sorry about that! I honestly wish that FF's editor wasn't so shitty, another reason I'm crossposting to Ao3, so I'm not going to go back and try to fix the other chapters.

Once again, thanks for reading—sorry for the erratic updates, I've just been super busy with summer fun and work. As usual, reviews are the writer's life blood.

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As soon as he landed in the living room of his current home, Castiel immediately felt suffocated. He was hiding in plain sight from hunters and demons by pretending to be a human man with a boring desk job and a small house in the suburbs. His house was incredibly mundane, with low ceilings, beige furniture, and small rooms. He'd picked it because it looked like the kind of house the Milton family would have occupied. He couldn't even unleash his wings or his grace in this house without knocking something over. The house was tethering him to a life he no longer wanted, just like the Milton family, had kept him tethered to a false identity for 14 years.

Castiel longed to fly, to feel ocean air on his face as he swooped over open waters somewhere off the coast of Timbuktu. He needed to wander to earth; the beautiful earth that had become so open to him once he'd discovered who he really was. He needed to fight and he needed kill, he missed the enormous power that he harnessed every time he burned the life out of a demon. Castiel wasn't a man—he was a hunter, a wanderer, partly an angel—and he was not cut out for this kind of life. He couldn't believe there was a time where he craved normality. Just pretending to be normal was killing him. Just being in this house was killing him.

Castiel considered what was happening to him. His situation felt rather precarious simply because of Gabriel's warnings, but in reality, it was quite dull. He was almost thankful to Dean Winchester for adding some drama to it. Gabriel had seemed hyperaware of the hunter, even though they usually laughed at them. He didn't know what was so special about this one. Castiel felt ridiculous for how he'd reacted a few minutes ago, before he'd flown home. He knew he was being arrogant, but he felt that getting worked up over a human was simply absurd.

So what if Dean Winchester was watching him? Castiel wasn't a demon and was no threat to Dean Winchester and the humans that hunters held so dear. He'd fought for years to protect humans, saving them from demons, even convincing Gabriel to choose less deadly ways to act out his role as "the Trickster." Castiel had never even killed a human that wasn't possessed. Still, if Gabriel was worried… he knew he should be worried too. It nagged at him though. Gabriel never got worried and Castiel had no idea what had changed. He was obeying without question, stuck in this human life, because he was doing what Gabriel thought was best.

On cue, Gabriel swooped in. The angel visibly grimaced when he looked around Castiel's living room. His father wasn't used to being contained either. Gabriel stared at him for a minute and then just shook his head in disappointment.

"So I gather from the whirlwind in your head that he's been watching you? He saw you at a peep show? You didn't even notice that you had a tail? Also, going to a peep show in the middle of the day? Come on, Cas, I taught you better than that, in both respects." He said, looking disgusted.

"I was bored! You ALWAYS go to strip clubs." He protested. Castiel didn't say anything else. He could explain the peep show. He couldn't explain why he hadn't noticed that he had a tail.

"I've said it over and over again, you've gotten too cocky." Gabriel said. "That's my fault, because hell, I'm sure you learned it from me, but kid, you aren't me. You've been alive for 26 years. You're an infant. You can't be this presumptuous when you're an infant."

Castiel hung his head. Despite being annoyed with his situation and thus, Gabriel, he was embarrassed. He couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed that hunters were watching him. After years of being with Gabriel, who was the best liar in the universe, he'd become convinced that he was second best. His cover was good, but it wasn't that good. It seemed his reaction to the hunters following him wasn't a result of fear, but embarrassment. The Winchester brothers had gotten the best of him.

Gabriel read his mind, even though Castiel had told him repeatedly not to, and he eased up. "Don't beat yourself up too much, kid. The Winchesters… just don't piss them off, and you should be fine. I did some quick reconnaissance and found out they're here because of a Jinn attack. Chances are they think you're a Jinn."

Castiel snorted. "Me? A Jinn? Gabriel, that's insulting."

"There's that cockiness again, Cas!" Gabriel leaned forward and poked him above his right eye. "Those big baby blues of yours? That's why they'd think you're a Jinn. The way those suckers glow, it's awfully Jinn-like."

Castiel bit his lip and just looked away.

"Have you gotten unreasonably pissed off recently? I know how you operate. When you throw a hissy fit, your grace glows like a beacon." Gabriel said. His voice was condescending. He considered Castiel's temper tantrums and emotions to be an enormous weakness. Castiel didn't say it out loud, but he did too.

"I almost got into a bar fight, last weekend." Castiel muttered. "I didn't hurt anyone, but I might have… well, I might have made a lamp explode. I didn't notice the eyes."

Gabriel looked outraged. "A bar fight? You got into a bar fight? Jesus Castiel, you're not supposed to be feeling emotions this strongly anymore! Not to mention, unintentionally using your powers in public? What, are you 16 again?"

"Humans get into bar fights all of the time." He griped. "I was… well, he insulted me. I was drinking. Occasionally my emotions get the best of me when I'm intoxicated. I'm sorry."

"You're acting like a child!" Gabriel screamed. "An immature child! You are not invincible, you stupid moron! You don't lose control like that after 10 years of training! You shouldn't feel things this intensely after this many years!"

Castiel cringed. He heard just a hint of Gabriel's true voice and it hurt his ears. Gabriel was currently standing over him and although Castiel had about 4 inches on his human vessel, the angel looked like he was 20 feet tall. Castiel's human heart was leaping around in his chest. Gabriel rarely got angry, but when he did it was terrifying. Castiel remembered when he was 17 and he'd let his wings out in order to impress a particularly attractive human and Gabriel had caught him. He'd screamed so loudly at Castiel in his true voice that his ear drums had literally exploded. The pain had been almost unbearable. Luckily, they'd healed after an hour or so.

"Why didn't you notice the hunters were after you?" Gabriel demanded. "How could you miss that?"

"I thought they were normal guys. I don't know, he doesn't look like a hunter. I didn't notice them." Castiel said, rubbing the back of his neck. He considered the way Dean Winchester looked, and he was actually surprised he hadn't noticed him.

Gabriel stared at him with such rage in his eyes and then his face softened when he saw the fear on Castiel's face. Gabriel wasn't a normal father, but Castiel knew he cared, probably more than he'd ever admit.

Gabriel closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I know this is hard for you. I taught you for years to live as I did, and now I expect you to live as a human. It's no wonder you're fucking up so much. It's not the norm. I know it's not fair, Castiel. But it's what you have to do."

"Why? What is so bad about some extra demons? I should be out there killing them, not stuck in this house, in this boring life." Castiel huffed.

"Lilith is the reason you are here. Until Lilith is eliminated or sent back to Hell, I have to keep you here. As a human, you will go unnoticed, and that is what is safest." Gabriel said.

"Why don't we just kill her then?" Castiel demanded.

"She's hidden from us and even if we did find her, I'm not sure we could kill her." Gabriel said. He looked a little embarrassed to be saying this out loud.

Castiel felt his heart leap again, but this time it was at the thought of a demon he couldn't kill, not Gabriel's wrath. He moved the conversation back to its original subject. "So what does Dean Winchester have to do with Lilith or a bunch of demons getting loose? He's just a man. They're just hunters."

"Sam Winchester is why they are important, although I'm still not totally sure what they want with him." Gabriel admitted. "He was supposed to open the Devil's Gate, but I think that was just the beginning. Azazel wanted him and children like him for a reason. Something huge is going to happen."

"Azazel is dead. Maybe the demons are just doing whatever they want. Fancy free, escaped from Hell and all." Castiel suggested.

Castiel didn't say it out loud, but even for demons, that seemed like a flimsy plan. Yet, if their leader was dead, maybe the demons were doing what they did best, and that was killing, maiming and possessing. Being loose on earth was probably like a party to them.

"Demons are murderous creatures who regale in torture and death, but they aren't stupid. There is a reason they're out. There's a reason Lilith is out. Something is going to happen and you are staying out of it."

"Why? We can kill them. If there's a battle with demons, you know that I could help. We could both help."

"That isn't what we do! We stay out of it. You will stay out of it." Gabriel said, his voice rising.

"I hunted demons for four years!" Castiel protested. "I'm good at it."

"That was before they had a plan! You needed a hobby, so I let you have one." Gabriel spat.

"But…" He started. "We could help…"

"Are you deaf? I told you, we aren't getting involved! Castiel, you prove to me again and again, how naïve you are. If you become involved in this, you will die! We don't know what's coming and I am trying to keep you safe. Stay away from the Winchesters and stay out of it! If you don't, I will be forced to act." Gabriel snapped.

Before Castiel could respond, Gabriel disappeared in a flutter of wings.

When he left, Castiel thought about how strangely Gabriel was acting. It was the second time that day he'd seen the angel get angry. Gabriel was a creature who enjoyed luxury, pranks, and causing minor mayhem. He'd gotten his kicks for years that way. He never got emotional over what humans or demons were doing because he simply didn't care. Gabriel lived his life in the pursuit of leisure and entertainment. He was usually jovial and carefree. Unless Castiel was doing something really stupid, he pretty much let him do whatever he wanted. In the last four months, that had changed. Since the Devil's Gate had been opened, Gabriel had become more intense and more invested in what was happening with the humans and demons. Ironically, this was manifested in trying to keep himself and Castiel not involved.

The two of them had always lived on the fringe, popping in and involving themselves in the affairs of monsters and men, but only if it pleased them. Gabriel killed demons for kicks and he occasionally spurred hunters into action by orchestrating bizarre disasters or kills on deserving humans. He did this for fun. He'd seemingly been proud when Castiel had left and started living his own life, killing demons and living it up in foreign countries. Gabriel had encouraged this lifestyle and often joked that his half human son wasn't violent enough.

Something had changed for Gabriel. This meant that Castiel's life had been changed too. The angel was so insistent that they stay out of it, that Castiel act "normal", that Castiel was sure there as something his father wasn't telling him. He trusted Gabriel to keep him alive, but Castiel couldn't stand that his father was lying to him and making proclamations about hunters and demons that he didn't back up.

Castiel didn't understand Gabriel's fear of Lilith or the onset of demons on earth. He certainly didn't understand why Gabriel thought the demons might kill him. He didn't know of anything that could kill Gabriel, so he saw the angel as invincible. There were a few spells that could kill Nephilim, but otherwise, now that he was an adult with more grace than humanity on his side, Castiel felt the same way about himself. He knew that was arrogant, but Gabriel had convinced him that was true. All of Castiel's cockiness came from his father.

Despite this, after years of living life however they had wanted because they had grace on their side, Gabriel was singing a different tune. He had uprooted Castiel's entire life for the second time, forcing him back into the shell of human existence.

He hadn't even considered it until now, because it didn't seem possible, but Gabriel wouldn't do this unless he was terrified. Gabriel was scared and he wasn't telling Castiel why. The angel didn't get scared. The angel didn't make Castiel stay away from demons and he especially didn't make him stay away from hunters. He didn't force Castiel to hide among a bunch of meat suits and he certainly didn't show any fear for his son's life.

Just hours ago, he'd been determined to stay away from the hunters simply because Gabriel had told him to, but now he was sure there was something larger at stake and sure that Gabriel was lying to him, Castiel decided to do just the opposite. Somehow Dean Winchester and his brother were involved in a way that went beyond the Devil's Gate. Castiel was a good son and he tried his best to obey Gabriel, but right now, he couldn't.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed the hunter's number. Let Gabriel act. Castiel was kind of curious to see what he'd do anyway.


	9. Chapter 9

I am not sure what to do with this story.. As you can probably tell by the sparse updates, I've lost quite a bit of interest in it and I've been very busy recently, while also working on another fic that is more up my alley. I'm posting this chapter because it's been finished, but I'm not sure if you should expect anymore from this story, at least for awhile. Despite that, thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, followed, etc. :)

* * *

Sam Winchester rarely worried about his brother's choices. Sure, Dean was a pig who slept around with basically everyone, abused alcohol on a nightly basis, and sometimes killed too quickly, but Sam didn't worry about these things. Usually he was worried about himself. After all, he was the one with the psychic powers and the demons that wouldn't stop following him around.

Right now, he was worried about Dean. He was wearing his prototypical bitch-face and judging his brother harshly.

"You're going on a date with him?" He cried. "A date? Last night you wanted to kill him!"

"It's not a date. I do not go on dates with men." Dean said. He crossed his arms and looked away, trying to avoid looking embarrassed.

"I don't give a shit about what's between his legs! It's his wings that worry me! Did you question him at all today?"

"Well, I don't think he's involved with the disappearance of Christy Gaines." Dean said.

"Did you find out about his background? Did you bother to use the EMF meter? Did you break into his house? Did you even bother to smell the air for sulfur? Did you do anything?"

Dean's face turned even redder. He hadn't done any of those things. Sam just stared at him expectantly.

"I didn't smell sulfur." He said finally.

Sam let out a strangled cry. "We should just leave then! You're the one who insisted staying to check this guy out and now you're dating him!"

"It's not a date. I'll interrogate him." Dean said defensively.

"Oh yeah, maybe with your tongue. You're meeting him for dinner, Dean!"

Dean just looked even more embarrassed. "He seemed normal. I don't know. He was kind of twitchy, but normal. I don't know, Sam, I just don't think I want to kill him anymore."

"Maybe when he takes you home, you could try to search his house." Sam said sarcastically.

Sam stormed out of the motel room, off to do more research at the library. Dean just thought to himself that Sam's last comment was the best idea he'd heard in days.

(~)

"Agent Young" could not be plied with alcohol.

After 5 drinks that Castiel could tell were very stiff simply by the way they smelled, Dean Winchester kept up the FBI agent persona with ease. Even his thoughts were clear, although they were tempered with lust and confusion.

There was nothing to indicate what the Winchesters were up to, at least in relation to the demons, and there were no suspicious thoughts about Castiel. The hunter simply found him very attractive and was confused about what he should do about it. Castiel was on a mission, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued by Dean's lust.

After the 6th drink, Castiel realized that Dean Winchester was probably an alcoholic who had the tolerance of a bear. Even he was beginning to feel a little tipsy and part of him was a celestial being. Castiel almost wished that he'd taken Dean's brother out instead.

"My work is very dangerous sometimes." Dean explained, slugging back a Jack and Coke with ease. He reached over and grabbed a French fry off Castiel's plate.

"How so?" Castiel asked, smiling at him, trying to at least ply him with lust. He squinted at him and dug into Dean's brain, even though mind reading was becoming increasingly difficult because of the alcohol.

_Last week, I had to destroy a vengeful spirit who was killing babies. That motherfucker just wouldn't go down without a fight. Sam dislocated his shoulder, yet again._

"Some of the creeps I deal with on this job, you wouldn't believe." Dean said. "Sometimes it's hard to sleep at night, although I handle it a lot better than my partner."

"Tell me about your partner." Castiel intoned, trying to focus on the task at hand instead of Dean's mouth.

"Sammy… erm, Agent Sam Smith, he's been through a lot since he started this gig. He's only 24, but he's basically a veteran at this point." Dean said, looking wistful in kind of a miserable way.

_Sammy just wants to get out. Wish he could. Wish I'd never brought him back into this._

Castiel frowned. Dean kept coming back to this. It was clear he adored his brother and felt guilty for bringing him back into the hunting life. Castiel hadn't gleaned why Dean had brought him back, but Castiel suspected that the elder Winchester would be very lonely if his brother weren't around. Castiel actually kind of felt bad for him.

_The hits started when the kid was 6 months old. Now this goddamn demon wants him._

Castiel perked up a little bit when he heard that. Now he was getting somewhere. "He's so young. You know, I get that though. By the time I was 15, I'd been through more than I can bear. Your… partner sounds tough though. What happened to him?"

"Sam is like my brother. His mom died when he was 6 months old, killed by an arsonist and now he has a serial killer after him." Dean said. "I mean, not after him directly, but she has a hard-on for him and we don't know why."

Castiel had hit the jackpot. He captured Dean's eyes, which were actually a little misty. He dug into his brain as much as he could after drinking 4 double bourbons. This was what he'd been waiting for all night.

"Serial killer?" He asked with awe.

"It's nothing I should talk about with you." Dean said abruptly.

_Fucking Lilith. Fucking Azazel. Why Sam? I don't understand it. I wish I understood why this was happening to us._

The hunter slugged back the last of his Jack and Coke and slid out of his chair and went back to the bar. Castiel watched him go with some interest, amazed that he was able to drink this much and not keel over. Then he thought about what Dean had just "told" him. Basically, the hunter had just revealed that he was useless. He didn't know what was going on any more than Gabriel did. If anything, the Winchesters were probably 10 times more clueless than the angel.

"Well this was a waste of an evening." Castiel muttered to himself.

Castiel felt a mixture of emotions right now and he did not like it. It was obvious that he had been wrong about almost everything. He had thought that Dean Winchester would answer questions that Gabriel would not, but clearly that was not the case. When he thought about it in hindsight, it had been a stupid idea in the first place. He was also irritated by the fact that his instincts had been off about Dean. He'd assumed it'd be easy to get Dean talking or at least thinking about his current hunts. That hadn't been the case either. Dean was not an open book.

Dean came back and sat down across from him. He looked a little less depressed now that he had a full drink in his hand. He smiled at Castiel and to Castiel's irritation, it was a genuine smile.

"What's your story?" Dean asked. "I've been bitching all night. What's up with you? Do you like this town?"

The smile grew a little more and then Castiel noticed how ruddy the hunter's cheeks were. Maybe the booze was finally starting to hit him. Maybe it was hitting both of them, because Castiel found that he quite liked Dean's smile.

"I don't like it at all." Castiel said. When the words came out, they surprised him. Now he was being honest, which was rare.

"Why not? It seems like a nice town. There are certainly a lot of babes and you're close to the water."

Castiel gulped. "I feel contained." He confessed. "I'm used to… something different. I'm used to the big city. This place is too small."

"Man, I'd kill to settle down here." Dean said, leaning back in his chair. "This place seems like paradise."

"Why don't you then?" He asked.

Dean's eyes changed again and Castiel didn't pry into his head. For some reason, he didn't have any desire to do so while they were having a semi-honest conversation. For two liars, that was something big.

"I have a job to do." He said, shrugging. "I'm used to moving around a lot. I have since I was a kid. I actually don't know if I could settle down somewhere."

"I get that." Castiel said, looking into his drink. "Sometimes it doesn't seem like it'll ever be possible to get used to a normal life."

(~)

Somehow, Dean was drunk. He had no idea how. He hadn't been drunk in years. He didn't even think it was possible any more, but here he was, drunk with their "case" in a tiny pub in Santa Cruz, California. They'd been here for four hours now and Dean was long past the point of wanting to hunt and kill Castiel.

In fact, he really was just enjoying hanging out with him. They'd discussed everything from Dean's nomadic childhood to Castiel's adoration of Bollywood movies. They'd shared a bucket of fries and a pitcher of beer and it was so normal that Dean was almost sure he and Sam had been wrong when they'd spied on him through his window. Besides, Sam was right. It didn't seem like he'd done anything to warrant being killed, even if he wasn't 100% human. It didn't hurt that Dean was developing somewhat of a crush on him either.

"Agent Young." Castiel slurred. "I have to tell you, I never thought I'd be spending my Friday night getting drunk with an FBI agent."

A loud giggle escaped his lips when he said "FBI agent."

"Well, Castiel. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm not actually an FBI agent." Dean slurred back.

Castiel's face froze. He squinted at Dean.

_Oh shit._

"I don't know why I just said that." His voice sounded thick and stupid.

This was why he didn't get drunk. Dean honestly had no idea why he'd just said that. Granted it was the truth, but why the hell would he admit it? Especially to someone who he'd just met and might not even be human? He was suddenly just saying everything that came into his head. He was hazy with whiskey and horniness. That had to be why.

To Dean's utter shock, Castiel burst out laughing. Dean just stared at him, watching as he threw back his head back, laughing with utter abandon. Castiel's reaction was so bewildering that Dean started to laugh too. Within a minute, they were both laughing so hard that there were tears. Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed like that.

Castiel wiped his eyes. "Oh God, Agent Young. It's… oh God, never mind. Just forget it."

"Ummm… you know I was just joking right?" Dean said lamely. "Sometimes I like to pretend. It sounds way cooler than it actually is."

Castiel laughed again.. "Of course." He said, still giggling. "Don't worry Agent Young, I believe you. God, all humans are the same." He uttered the last part of his sentence almost under his breath.

A cold chill ran down Dean's spine when Castiel said "humans" like they were a disgusting pest to be wiped off the earth. "Uh, so maybe we should get out of here." He said. "It's getting kind of late."

Castiel reached over and took his hand. "Would you like to come over?" He asked, staring at him dead in the eyes with that creepy, yet totally entrancing stare.

Dean gulped. Somewhere, his wires had gotten crossed. Somewhere in the last day, he'd gone from wanting Castiel dead to simply wanting him. After Castiel's utterance about "all humans being the same" he was somewhere in the middle. The way he'd said it had been so cold. Dean knew going home with him would be a terrible idea. His instincts were screaming at him to run far away.

"Dude, um, I don't think that's a good idea." He choked.

"Is it because I'm 'a dude'?" Castiel said, saying it like he'd never heard anyone say dude before.

"No. Ummm…" He sputtered. "I'm totally cool with that. In fact, I mean, sometimes, I do like dudes. I just… I don't think it'd be smart. My brother-"

_Since when did he sputter?_

"Sam?" Castiel said, smiling sweetly. "Your brother, Sam?"

"Yeah, he won't be happy." Dean finished. "We have to get on the road tomorrow."

Dean couldn't even keep his lies straight anymore.

Suddenly, Castiel's back went stiff and his face froze up into a mask. He grimaced and rubbed the side of his head.

"Shit." He hissed. "Dean, I have to go. You're right. This isn't a good idea."

Castiel got up and sped out of the bar without looking back. Dean jumped up and tried to follow him out, but he was very drunk and Castiel moved with almost inhuman speed. By the time he got outside, Castiel was gone.

(~)

Castiel knew it was stupid, flying away in the middle of the street, but didn't think Dean had witnessed it. Honestly, right now he didn't even care. The screeching in his head was suddenly so intense that he knew something was wrong. He was in trouble. Something was screeching at him Enochian, a language he recognized, but could never hope to understand. What he was hearing was an angel's true voice, as being spoken through the wavelengths that connected all angels together.

This had to be Gabriel taking action.

"Gabriel, please stop. Please. I'm sorry." He begged, clutching his ears, trying to drown out the noise.

Castiel fell to his knees in the kitchen of his small house, doubling over in pain. He felt something wet. He looked down at his palms and they were coated with blood. His ears were bleeding. He was reminded vaguely of his childhood, when he'd first become aware of his own grace, and his ears had never stopped ringing. He groaned, moved his fingers to the side of his head, clutching his temples, which felt like they were about to explode.

"Please." He cried. "Come on, I understand! Just stop!"

Gabriel appeared in front of him, looking panicked. He placed his hand on the side of Castiel's face and suddenly, the ringing stopped as quickly as it had begun.

Castiel released his hands from his hand. "Jesus." He muttered. He looked down at the floor, which was splattered with his blood.

"Castiel, what happened?" Gabriel asked, his eyes wide.

"I get it, I shouldn't have… gone out with Dean. I'm sorry." He murmured, trying to blink back the tears that had formed when he'd heard the screaming in his ears.

"I don't care about that! What did you hear?"

"That wasn't you?" He asked feebly. If what he was hearing wasn't Gabriel, then he didn't even want to imagine what was happening.

Gabriel just shook his head. He looked shocked.

"You didn't hear it?" Castiel murmured.

"No." Gabriel said simply.

"It was… an angel." Castiel said. "It was Enochian. I didn't understand it."

Gabriel fell bonelessly to the floor of Castiel's house. He sat there, wearing the same look of shock that had been on his face when he'd appeared in the kitchen. Castiel just stared at him, afraid to say anything. Finally, Gabriel looked up at him. His eyes were glassy.

"They're back. The angels are back on earth." He said.

Gabriel sat on Castiel's kitchen floor for a long time. He went into a trance of his own, eyes unblinking, face unreadable. Castiel couldn't possibly comprehend what the angels' return to earth meant to Gabriel.

This is why he let Gabriel sit on his floor for three hours. Castiel sat next to him, letting his wings flare out, knowing he was more angel than human when he let them appear. He hoped in some way this would comfort Gabriel. Maybe it made things worse, he didn't know. Gabriel didn't say one word to him.

Around 4 in the morning, Gabriel finally stirred.

"I can't feel them." Gabriel said, so softly that Castiel didn't even hear him.

Castiel only felt the connection that had always been here. He hadn't been able to tell before, but Gabriel was thrumming with pain and sorrow. For some reason, this had cut him deep.

"Gabriel? " Castiel asked softly.

"Tell no one." He commanded, not looking at Castiel.

Then he was gone.

Gabriel had been alone, cut off from Heaven and all forms of grace until Castiel had come stumbling into his life a mere 12 years ago. Castiel didn't know what it would be like to live without grace. When he'd met Gabriel, he immediately understood the meaning of grace. His entire life, something had been missing. His grace connected to Gabriel's and that hole was immediately filled. Unlike Gabriel, Castiel was also connected to Heaven in the smallest of ways. This connection is what gave him his most powerful abilities. Castiel realized now at age 26 that even before he could understand it, he'd always felt the faintest traces of angels.

Castiel wouldn't want to live one day without these connections. Now the angels were back and it seemed that Gabriel was still without shared grace.

Once Gabriel had disappeared completely, Castiel realized that, yet again, he was in trouble because of what he was. Castiel was admittedly self-absorbed, considered himself the crème de la crème of creatures on earth, able to kick almost anything's ass, but now there were angels. For Castiel, it wasn't a spiritual issue like it was for his father. It was purely situational.

Angels abhorred Nephilim and considered them disgusting abominations. In the early days, the Archangel Michael had come to Earth and smote all products of human and angel conception. Throughout history, more angels had fallen, giving into their desires for love, sex, and free will. Nephilim were rare, despite the angels falling, but their fates remained unknown. It was likely they'd been killed before they reached adulthood. Gabriel had only met two Nephilim during his long life, young adults who hadn't lasted as long as Castiel had. Both were eventually killed by Michael.

In other words, Castiel was fucked.

(~)

When Dean arrived back to the motel, he was in a very bad mood. He felt like a complete idiot for blurting out that he wasn't an FBI agent and also for admitting that Sam was his brother. He was also sexually frustrated and was wishing a little too hard that he had gone home with Castiel. The thing that annoyed him the most is that Castiel had just taken off into the night and Dean had no idea why.

It was obvious what had happened, Castiel had spun a web and Dean had somehow fallen right into it.

"You look terrible." Sam observed as Dean trudged into the room.

"Thanks, Sam. I really needed to hear that." Dean snapped.

"What, did he turn you down or did he fly away on you?" Sam said sarcastically.

"Ding, ding, ding. Bit of both." Dean said, throwing himself onto the bed.

"Wait." Sam said. "He didn't actually…"

"He ran out and disappeared into the night. After he asked me to come home with him and I said no." Dean moaned. "So in a way, it was both."

"He didn't actually fly though?" Sam asked slowly.

Dean sat up and gave his brother a disgusted look. "No Sam, he didn't fly. He ran out and by the time I caught up with him, he was long gone."

Sam nodded. "Good. Now we can leave this town. We've wasted too much time here anyway."

"I agree." Dean muttered.

Dean was packing up his suitcase, wishing he were still drunk, when he got a text message from Castiel.

"Are you fucking serious?" He muttered. He opened the phone and read the text.

_Dean, I lied to you. I'm sorry. _

_I need yr help. It's life or death. _

_I know you know about demons. Please call me. _

_-Cas_

"Well I'll be damned." He said loudly. "Sam, I was right."

"What?" Sam said.

"We definitely might have to kill this guy." Dean said.

A few hours later, Dean and Sam showed up at Castiel's house a mere two days after they'd witnessed him unsheathe his wings in the shadows. Dean had no idea why Castiel had contacted him, but he was prepared to kill the other man, even though he had no desire to do so. His "date" with Castiel the previous evening had softened him on Castiel even more. Dean, once again, didn't say it out loud, but it also seemed wrong to kill something so pretty. It'd be like killing a unicorn.

"Why the hell would he text us and ask us for help? How did he even know who we are?" Sam muttered as Dean pulled the Impala in front of a quaint tan house in a very suburban neighborhood.

It still didn't seem like this was where some kind of horrible beast would live.

"Dude, I don't know. It doesn't necessarily mean he is something supernatural. You and I don't exactly keep a low profile. " Dean said, squinting at the house.

"I tend to agree. Also, would a supernatural creature ask for our help?" Sam asked. "The whole thing is strange. Your 'date' with him and now him asking us for help."

"Maybe it's a trap." Dean said. His voice quavered a little bit. He did not want this to be a trap. He didn't want to kill Castiel.

"If it is, it's a pretty shoddy trap." Sam said. "I mean, come on. As far as plans to kill us go, this is a pretty bad one."

Dean just nodded. Sam was right. If this was Castiel setting them up to be attacked, it was strange way to do it. They got out of the car, carrying a bag of knives and other tricks, guns holstered at their waists. Better safe than sorry.

Castiel opened the door before they even arrived and stepped out onto his front porch. He was still wearing the clothes from the night before and he looked awful. His eyes were blotchy and his face was ashen.

"Thank you for coming." He said hoarsely. "I apologize. I didn't know what else to do. It isn't every day you need information about demons and you two happen to be experts."

"How did you know who we are?" Sam demanded in a low voice.

"Everyone in this world knows who you are." Castiel said. "The reason I lied is because I had no idea why the Winchesters would be checking me out. I don't care though. I need some information and then I will send you on your way."

Dean opened his mouth to say something and then he noticed the red flecks on Castiel's stubbly cheek.

"Is that blood?" He asked.

Castiel nodded, face growing even warier. "I had to ward my house. Don't worry. It's my own."

"Why?" Sam asked. "Also, if the house is warded, maybe we should go inside."

Dean shot a glance at Sam. That was Sam-code for "it'll be easier to kill you inside because we won't be in public."

Castiel just shook his head. "No, this is fine."

"We need to make sure you're not a demon. No offense, but this is pretty strange. Better to do it inside." Dean said.

Castiel just groaned, but let them pass without a word. Dean walked into the house, shocked at how normal, how plain it seemed. This was what he thought until he saw the walls, at least. The stark beige walls were covered in symbols that looked like they had been painted with blood. The dark red symbols didn't resemble like devil's traps or any demon warding that he had seen before. Dean felt his heart drop into his stomach. Blood covering the walls was never a good sign. Maybe it was a trap.

"It's hoodoo." Castiel said, sounding annoyed that he had to explain himself. "My family, let's just say that demon hunting goes back a few generations. These symbols are old school."

"Why do they require blood?" Sam asked slowly.

"The banishing symbols require blood. The warding, which keeps me hidden, do not. I don't have time to explain. Please, help me. I need to know what's happening, what I should be planning to do."

"If you know all this crap… and believe me, I've never even seen these symbols before, why do you need us?" Dean asked incredulously. His eyes skated over the walls, trying to commit the symbols to memory. Something didn't seem right. They didn't look like demon warding. Usually blood was used to access demons, not to repel them.

"Something apocalyptically terrible is going to happen. If it isn't already in motion, that is. You two are involved. You have been involved since the beginning. As of last night, my family is involved too, yet they won't tell me anything. I need to protect myself." Castiel said, gesturing at the morose symbols.

Sam bent over and picked up the bag. "Okay. So your family is involved. We get that. Before we help you, there are a few tests just to make sure you aren't one of these creeps we hunt."

Castiel nodded. "I understand."

Sam handed Dean the silver knife with the iron handle, which they had purchased specifically for tasks such as this. Without warning, Sam threw holy water in Castiel's face. Castiel just spit the water out, looking even more annoyed. His eyes didn't turn black and he didn't recoil in pain. He wasn't a demon.

Dean stepped over and handed him the knife. "We just need to see a little blood, some proof that you won't start smoking and transform into us."

"Iron handle? Appropriate. I'm slightly insulted that you think I'm a shapeshifter though." Castiel commented, his face wrinkling with distaste.

Castiel reached over and took the knife. He rolled up his sleeve and swiftly sliced the knife into his forearm. He didn't even cringe. The skin didn't smoke, he didn't recoil, and the iron didn't have any effect on him. He didn't even seem bothered by slicing open his own arm. Castiel appeared to be human, albeit a human with a high pain tolerance.

"Satisfied?" He asked, handing the knife back to Dean, rolling his shirt sleeve down.

"Why don't you have an anti-possession tattoo?" Sam asked. "Why the blood spells?"

"Who says I don't? I don't want to show it to you. It's in a slightly intimate place." Castiel snapped again. He appeared to be getting more irritated every second.

Despite everything, Dean felt his face grow hot.

"First, to get a little, you have to give a little. How is your family involved?" Sam asked. He was really grilling this guy. This was Sam, who'd told Dean just two days ago that they didn't kill things just because they were supernatural.

"My father has disappeared. He won't respond to my… calls for him. I don't know what country he is in or if he's okay. He started behaving strangely the second the Devil's Gate was opened. Last night, other family members, people I haven't seen in years, started coming up out of the woodwork. They are involved. My family, well, not all of them are good people."

"So now you're involved." Dean said, nodding. "Missing dad, we get that, don't we, Sammy?"

Sam nodded, but he didn't respond. Instead, his eyes grew darker at the insinuation.

"What the demons planned to do once they escaped from Hell. Why Lilith is involved and how she even got out. We were confident she was confined the deepest layers of Hell, content to torture and kill for eternity down there. They have a plan and you two are intertwined in it. Now my family is too." Castiel said.

"We aren't involved. What would they want with us?" Sam asked.

Dean glanced at his brother. Sam wanted so desperately to believe that their involvement had ended the second he'd opened the Devil's Gate. For weeks, Sam had insisted that Lilith simply wanted him dead. Dean agreed with him on this, but only on the surface. He knew in the deepest, darkest corner of his mind that Hell had plans for his brother. They prayed that this wasn't the case, but there was a reason Azazel had chosen Sam. The brothers knew their involvement wasn't over, but it was something they didn't discuss. It's a strange day when you hope your enemies aspire to kill you, but Sam and Dean's world had never been normal.

Castiel's face grew dark and he stared at them with such intensity that Dean felt like he was suddenly covered in spiders. "Don't insult me by lying to me. I know you are the one who released the demons. You and Azazel started this and now I am involved because of you. You will tell me what I need to know."

"No, we won't." Sam said, returning the dark stare.

Castiel didn't say anything but Dean saw him swallow nervously. Sam had never been intimidating, not until Azazel had cast a spell on him and forced him to open the Devil's Gate. Something in Sam had changed that night. He could feel it in the way his brother was looking at Castiel. Dean felt his blood run cold when he saw the way the two of them were looking at each other. He had no doubt that Castiel could take Sam in a fight, despite being much smaller than his brother. There was something in his eyes and in the way he had so easily cut open his forearm with the silver knife that made him sure that Castiel could handle himself.

"You will tell me. Now." Castiel demanded. His polite, slightly world-wary demeanor from just minutes ago faded instantly.

Dean couldn't help but notice how the air changed when Castiel started glowering at Sam.

"Dean, we should go." Sam said.

A vase sitting on side table a few feet away suddenly exploded. Sam's eyes widened and he leapt out of the way to avoid the glass. Castiel looked horrified and his face turned red, as if it had been his fault the vase had exploded.

"Whoa." Dean said, grateful that something had broken up their stare-off. "Weird!"

"Are you psychic?" Sam asked, staring at the glass on the floor.

Castiel's eyes widened even more and for a moment he didn't say anything.

"I'm nothing like you." Castiel spat. "Demons don't want me like they want you."

Sam opened his mouth to say something, when Castiel's expression changed again. His eyes shot skyward, just like they had the night before. He immediately zipped out of the living room, once again with inhuman speed, running into another room and slamming the door behind him.

Dean just watched the door slam. He felt Sam tense up next to him. This morning was just getting stranger by the moment.

"We need to kill him." Sam said as soon as the door slammed.

Sam said this phrase was such ferocity and finality that it sent involuntary chills down Dean's spine.

"You need to cool down, little brother." Dean said quietly. "You don't know him and suddenly you're rearing to kill him?"

"Says you! Dean, he's not human. It's so fucking obvious that he's lying to us and he's NOT human!"

"Because you think he's psychic? Because he has demons after him?" Dean murmured. He reached over and lightly removed the gun from Sam's grip. "Give me a second. I think… well, I think we might need him. I think he could help."

"No, Dean! We have to kill him!" Sam hissed. "Just trust me, something about him feels wrong!"

"Give me five seconds." Dean said. Castiel had opened up to him the night before. Most of the words out of his mouth had been a lie, but he could tell that the other man had been somewhat honest at different points throughout the night.

Dean didn't want to kill Castiel. He hadn't wanted to kill him from the second the other man had looked up at him through his eyelashes during their initial meeting. Finding out Castiel was the son of the hunter and that he had demons after him, made Dean feel even less like killing him.

Dean approached the door. He stood outside. Castiel was arguing with someone. He caught snippets of the conversation and Castiel sounded desperate.

_You can't do this!_

_You can't leave me here and not tell me what's going on!_

_I called them because I didn't know what else to do. No, no, I didn't tell them anything about that! I'm not stupid. I'm terrified._

_Yes, the house is warded, but where are you?_

_I've never met one. You know they would kill me in five seconds._

_What happened? Why are they back?_

_I don't know what that means. Rituals? I have no idea what that means!_

No, please. Please. Don't leave me. I need your grace. Please don't leave me here alone. You can't leave me here alone after everything. I need it. Please. No!

Castiel let out a horrified scream that made Dean quit eavesdropping. He kicked open the door, which wasn't even locked. Castiel spun around, looking horrified. Dean had broken down the door with the intention of rescuing Castiel, but then he saw his eyes.

Castiel's eyes were white. Not in a hazy way like the white-eyed demons he'd read about, but pure white, glowing with the brilliance of twin stars. His pupils and eyelashes were completely invisible, hidden under the blaze of light Dean had never seen anything like it and he had been hunting for most of his life. For a moment, he just stared, completely drawn into the glowing orbs on Castiel's narrow, decidedly human looking face. It took a minute of staring, but Dean realized that Castiel definitely wasn't human. He opened his mouth to yell for Sam, knowing Sam had a gun, as well as a strong desire to murder the strange entity standing before him.

Just as Dean was coming to terms with what he was seeing, Castiel's eyes changed, faded back to their luminous, yet totally human, blue color. Just looking into this set of eyes made Dean's heart ache, because they were currently filled with a sense of loss that was all too familiar to Dean.

"He left." Castiel said numbly. "He cut it off."

All Dean could do was continue to stare.


	10. Chapter 10

Gabriel was gone. For the first time in 12 years, Castiel didn't feel the distinct tug of the Archangel's powerful grace. All he felt was a shattering emptiness, something that he hadn't felt since his mother had smeared her own blood on the wall and sent him hurtling across the globe to a field in Japan. He never had imagined he'd feel it again. He didn't think it was possible. Humans were so utterly alone in this world, their souls left to wander the earth unaccompanied during their short lives, until they died and became part of something larger. Being human was being alone and Castiel had never felt his humanity more strongly than he did right now.

Castiel blinked a few times, silently screaming for Gabriel to return to him, sending out waves of prayer, begging the Archangel turned Trickster to at least send something back, but he still felt nothing. All he saw was Dean Winchester, standing in front of him with the strangest look on his face.

The hunter already thought he was some kind of monster and now he had seen his eyes. The eyes that gave him away, illustrated his otherness almost more than the wings that were currently fanned out around him, invisible to human perception.

"Dean." He said quietly.

"What are you?" Dean whispered. "What just happened?"

Castiel knew he had to get it together. He was already too wrapped up in his emotions, as he always had been. Right now he needed to stow them. He straightened up and flicked his wrist, slamming the door closed.

"Your brother wants to kill me." Castiel said. He straightened up, tried to overcome the emptiness in his brain, tried to keep it from overwhelming him.

"You're… I've never seen anything like you."

"Your brother, despite his own mixed emotions and denial about his own fate, was right about a few things. I am, by your narrow definition, psychic. I suppose you have realized by now that I am also not completely human."

"No shit." Dean snapped. He spun around and tried to open the door.

Castiel squeezed his hand into a fist and held the door shut from a distance. He sighed brokenly. "Dean, I'm not going to hurt you. I am not your enemy."

"Open the goddamn door, you freak!" Dean yelled.

Castiel winced involuntarily, which surprised him. No one had called him a freak in years. He was surprised that it still hurt. He didn't think he was capable of being hurt like that anymore. Accompanied by the lack of Gabriel's grace, it hurt more than it should.

"Dean." He said softly, approaching the hunter. "I wasn't lying about everything else. I am in trouble. Now… well, my father is gone. I am truly alone. I need your help. I know you don't want me dead like your brother does. Please, just listen to me. I need to know what is happening. I'm… alone."

"Somehow I think you can take care of yourself." Dean growled, stepping back.

"Not against what's coming. Please, I have no one else. Literally no one else." Castiel said.

For some reason, he was almost begging. He was trying to be gruff, trying to be steel, and it wasn't working. Now that Gabriel was gone and the angels were back, Castiel felt defenseless. The humans in his house were truly the only ones who could help him. When this thought occurred to him, Castiel foolishly reached out for Gabriel again. He didn't feel anything. For the second time in as many minutes, his humanity slapped him across the face.

"Please." Castiel choked. "I'm… alone."

Dean softened up again and Castiel could feel his reservations once again melting away like butter. Except Castiel wasn't working a trance and wasn't reading his mind. He could see it on Dean's face, in his stance. The hunter's body relaxed and he stepped forward.

"Are those tears on your face? Right below those freaky eyes of yours?" Dean asked.

Castiel hadn't even realized he was crying. He'd forgotten what it felt like.

"I suppose."

Dean reached over and ran a calloused finger below Castiel's left eye, thumbing away a few stray tears. "These tears, they're human. So tell me, what happened?"

"He left." Castiel gasped. He felt himself breaking under the other man's light touch.

"I know what that's like. It sucks. My dad ran off for months last year. We finally found him, just to watch him die." Dean murmured.

"I don't like it."

"So, you're alone and you need help. Do you need to be rescued? If so, from what?" Dean asked.

Castiel cringed a little bit at Dean's words. He was still tingling a little bit from the light touch on his face. He'd spent a lot of time with humans, but his purposes for engaging with them had always been duplicitous and self-serving. He got close if he needed information about a hunt or maybe when he desired sex or momentary companionship. Otherwise, humans were of little use to him. He flashed back to the previous evening, remembering how in his drunken stupor, he'd allowed himself to get lost in Dean's stories and in his smile. This wasn't like him. He had to reassert himself. He could not let Dean think he was weak or that he needed him in any way.

Castiel straightened up and cast a dark look Dean's way.

"The help I require doesn't involve physical protection. I need to know what to expect." Castiel said. "As you said, I am not defenseless. I can handle myself against demons, probably far better than you can."

Dean looked slightly outraged when he said that, but he didn't respond. He just stood there for a minute, ignoring Sam, who was yelling at him from outside the locked door. His silence began to bother Castiel so he spoke again.

"I would never hurt you." He said. "I don't hurt humans. I help them, just like you do."

"Humans." Dean said. "So you're confirming it. You're not human?"

"Mostly not, no." Castiel said. "I'm sorry if that disappoints you. My mother was human, but she's gone now. She threw me out when she realized what I was."

"Your father?"

"He's not human, but he's a good man. He raised me, taught me how to hunt, how to defend myself. He was the only one who was ever completely honest with me. Now he's gone because of what is happening here."

Dean just stood there for a minute, as if he were trying to identify the parts of Castiel that were human and the parts that were not.

"Call it a leap of faith, call it understanding daddy issues, but I'm going to trust you." Dean said finally.

"Thank you." Castiel said. "All I need from you is information and maybe I could be helpful to you as well."

Castiel moved forward and opened the door with ease. When they opened the door, Sam was standing there, holding a knife. It was their largest, sharpest knife, the one they used to disembowel wendigos and werewolves.

"Sam, it's okay." Dean said to him.

"Move." Sam growled.

"He isn't going to hurt us." Dean said to him. "He just needs help."

Sam shoved Dean out of the way and lunged at Castiel with the knife, a scream that could only be described as feral escaping his throat.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" Sam screamed. "It won't work on me!"

Castiel's eyes widened and he moved his hand backward, sending Sam flying backward into a wall. It happened so quickly that Dean didn't have time to respond.

Sam scrambled to his feet and lunged at Castiel again, this time with almost super human speed. Castiel threw him backward again, sending the knife flying from his hand.

"Stop!" Dean yelled. "Sam, what are you doing? Castiel, don't hurt him!"

Castiel didn't respond, instead approaching Sam, who he had pinned to the floor. Sam was yowling like a banshee and flailing, trying to escape the half-angel's invisible grip. Castiel put one leg on either side of Sam and bent over and lifted the younger hunter off the ground by his collar. He squinted at Sam and suddenly, everything became clear. He couldn't believe he hadn't sensed it before.

Castiel bore his eyes into Sam's. He captured Sam's gaze and within seconds, the younger Winchester had a glazed expression on his face. Castiel dug into his brain. Sure enough, it was a tangle of self-hatred, confusion, and exhaustion. Sam was tired of fighting, sick of hunting, but he felt horribly guilty about the Devil's Gate, so he wouldn't stop. None of this surprised him, but this wasn't what he was looking for in Sam's head. What he was looking for was supernatural.

"Cas?" Dean asked. "Castiel! What did you do to him?"

Castiel released Sam and broke away from the gaze, but not enough to bring Sam out of his trance.

"Sam is fine. I just hypnotized him." Castiel said.

"You can hypnotize people? Why? How can you do that?" Dean asked.

"Your brother just tried to kill me."

"I… well, Cas, I was there. I don't know why. He's never done something like that before."

"Why? I know he doesn't trust me, but does he typically stab first, ask questions later? I have done nothing to either of you to warrant being killed and you said it yourself, you're the more violent one."

Dean shrugged again, but didn't answer immediately. "I don't know."

Castiel squinted at Dean and probed his mind, plucking the word "blood" out of the hunter's thoughts.

"I might understand why." Castiel said, almost to himself. "Dean, I'm going to do something. Once again, I promise it won't hurt Sam." Castiel said.

Before Dean could say no, Castiel put his hand on the side of Sam's face and began searching Sam's mind, soul and even his biology. He'd sensed Sam's otherness immediately, but he'd thought it was just the psychic ability that he'd heard the younger Winchester had. Clearly there was something more going on here.

Angels can pierce the veil and see beyond human faces and spells. They can recognize demons, angels and Gods with one look. They can see and touch souls. Castiel isn't as powerful as an angel, but he can see beyond these facades too. If a demon or a Pagan God walked in, he wouldn't recognize its true nature right away, especially if it was wearing a human body. Instead he would sense it, just like he sensed something with Sam.

Castiel continued searching Sam, until he saw it. He saw the reason for Sam's otherness and the root of his power. He saw it so clearly that his ego deflated immediately. He couldn't believe he hadn't sensed it before. He felt weak and powerless for missing it.

After a minute of trying to glean the extent of Sam's condition, Castiel pulled away. He knew he was wearing a grave expression. Dean was looking at him, looking equally curious.

"Is he okay? Wake him up."

Castiel turned to Dean. "Demon blood." He muttered. "Your brother has… demon blood inside of him. No wonder."

Dean's mouth fell open and before Dean could start firing off questions, Castiel placed two fingers on Sam's forehead. He poured his grace into Sam's soul, trying to wipe away the stain the demon blood had left on it. Sam was marked by the demon, physically repelled by angels, and physically conditioned to kill them. Angels were stronger than demons and Castiel knew he could overwhelm the demon blood, even if it was momentary. It took seconds and Castiel felt Sam's soul change. He brought him out of the trance. Sam blinked a few times. He looked around, more confused than murderous now.

"It's no wonder you tried to kill me." Castiel said to Sam. He bent over and helped him up.

"What… why did I do that?"

"The demon blood, of course. You have kilos of it pumping through your blood." Castiel said bluntly. He felt hypocritical about the disgust in his voice, but he couldn't keep it out.

Sam's eyes widened for a minute and then he looked away, his face reddening a little. It became painfully obvious to everyone in the room that Sam knew about the blood.

"What?" Dean said.

"The blood. I knew it. It's been… changing me." Sam said, almost to himself.

"You knew?" Dean screamed. "What the fuck, Sam? You didn't tell me?"

"There's nothing I can do about it." He muttered. "I didn't… I knew how you'd look at me."

"How could you do this? How could you not tell me? I had to find out from him? Another freak of nature? Is no one in this room normal?"

Castiel just blinked when Dean called him a freak for the second time that day, but Sam looked horrified.

"Shut up." Castiel snapped. "Sam, do you still want to hurt me?" He asked.

Sam shook his head.

Castiel just nodded.

Castiel took the brothers into the kitchen, which he had covered with protective wards against angels and demons. The living and bed rooms were angel proofed, but he'd only bothered to demon proof the kitchen. Gabriel was right. He was getting way too cocky. Sam had gotten close. Too close. The three of them sat around the kitchen table. Sam and Dean were both quiet.

"Sam, how did you find out about the demon blood?" Castiel asked. He pointedly ignored Dean, whose eyes were shining and fists were clenched, who was currently shaking with anger.

"During the spell." Sam muttered. He looked down at his feet, avoiding Dean's stare.

Castiel could sense Sam's shame and Dean's fury. Castiel didn't need to read their minds to know that Dean currently wanted to kill Sam and that Sam was perfectly aware of this. The tides of emotion coming from the brothers were nearly overwhelming, so completely human. It bothered Castiel more than he'd like to admit. It reminded him of how he was still at the mercy of his foolish human emotions.

"Tell me more about this spell." Castiel pressed.

Sam lowered his head even more. Castiel cocked his head to the side, trying to understand why Sam wouldn't talk about it.

"Would you prefer me to pluck it from your head? Would you rather me invade your privacy than be honest with your brother?" Castiel snapped.

"Yeah!" Dean shouted, sensing that Castiel was on his side on this. "You never told me any of this!"

"I needed to deal." Sam mumbled. "It was… well, you weren't there, Dean. It was horrible."

Dean just stared at his brother. "You lied to me."

"I did not lie to you! I just didn't feel like it was the right time to tell you."

The brothers began to yell at each other again, Dean calling Sam variations of the word liar, Sam calling Dean judgmental, Castiel's need for information completely forgotten. He stood there for a minute, watching the hunters scream in each other's faces, hurling petty, hurtful insults that made Castiel's blood boil. Finally, after 5 minutes of watching this apish display, Castiel was the one who lost it. He'd already had one of the most trying days of his life and now he had to witness this.

"Enough!" He hollered, letting his true voice seep out. It was a fraction of Gabriel's, but it got their attention.

"Holy shit!" Dean yelled, stumbling backwards as his voice reverberated through the small room. "You… that hurt my ears!"

Castiel shot him a nasty glare.

"You are behaving like children. I do not care about you or your daddy issues. Tell me about the fucking spell or I will tear it from your puny human brains!"

Sam and Dean just stared at him for a minute, their mouths agape. Castiel suddenly felt embarrassed, because now he was the one getting unnecessarily angry. He half expected them to try to kill him again and he half expected them to leave.

"Please." Castiel whispered. "I'm sorry for yelling. These demons, they've ruined my life, like they have ruined yours. I just need answers."

"Fine." Sam hissed. "Like you, I'm a freak. That's why he wanted us, because we were strong, because we're like demons. Azazel had us in a town, all of the children like me. He made us kill each other. I won. When it was over, he did a spell. It was a blood spell."

"What did you have to do?"

Sam just stared at him expectantly. Dean looked nervous again, less angry this time.

"I had to kill them."

Castiel nodded, urging him to go on. Maybe it was the trance or maybe it was just because he needed to get it out, but Sam Winchester spent the next 10 minutes describing what had happened prior to the opening of the Devil's Gate.

Sam told him how "special children" were coerced into using their powers on each other, killing each other violently. Their powers could control demons; create and destroy memories; move matter through thin air with just a look; and stop a heart with just one touch. Sam had held on until the end, escaping demons and the perils of the other special children utilizing his skills as a hunter. He didn't kill anyone until the end either. When he did, it was in self defense. When it was over, he wished he had been the one who died.

"The yellow eyed demon used a spell. A blood spell made me open the Devil's Gate. He gave me his blood, which I've had inside of my veins since I was a baby. It linked me to him psychically, allowed him to penetrate the Devil's Trap. I saw… I felt… the blood of every one of his victims. Every single one, probably thousands of them over the centuries. I felt their bones crack, their blood on my hands, smelled the burning of their flesh." Sam finished, choking a little bit.

He quit talking for a minute, and then looked down at his feet.

"I felt myself killing our mother."

Dean choked a little bit too, as if he were the one telling the story instead of Sam. Castiel searched Dean's mind for a minute and saw their mother, who had burned to death in a fire caused by Azazel. Sam hadn't been old enough to remember it, but Dean had.

"That's why the demons got out. It was me. If I had killed myself after killing Jake, none of this would have ever happened."

The three of them stood there for a minute. Sam's demeanor was strange, a combination of rage and sorrow, with a curious undertone that Castiel didn't immediately. Once again, he searched Sam's thoughts, which was easy to do because right now he was so open. Castiel didn't even need to put him into a trance. He recognized the emotion immediately, even though it was something he had never experienced.

It was a craving.

Sam Winchester was craving demon blood. Retelling the story, remembering the spell, the power, made him want it again. The very prospect of it made Castiel feel sick and it made him want to smite Sam Winchester on the spot.

"Did he tell you why?" Castiel said, his voice soft.

"No. Before he could, Dean killed him. He killed him to break the link." Sam said.

Castiel's eyes widened. Humans who could kill demons? Gabriel was right; these were not normal hunters. You did not want to be on the Winchesters' bad side. He reaches out for Gabriel yet again, wishing the archangel would appear and provide some real answers.

"He said one thing." Dean grumbled. "As he was dying."

"What?"

"She's free. Lilith is free. I've won."

"He opened the Devil's Gate to free Lilith." Castiel said slowly. "But why?"

Dean and Sam shrugged at the same time.

"One more thing." Castiel said. He turned to Dean, captured his gaze, trying not to be entranced himself by the unusual hunter. Within seconds, Dean's eyes were glazed over and he was hypnotized.

"You crave demon blood." He said to Sam, trying once again not to show his disgust.

Sam's face turned purple. "You read my mind?"

"Yes. You want it. You don't want to crave it, you don't know why you want it, but you do. The power, it has to be addictive."

"Dean?" Sam asked, his voice going a few octaves higher. "Why would you say that in front of him?"

"He won't know. He's out, comatose. He won't remember this."

Dean didn't move. He actually looked content, the lines on his face gone for the first time all morning.

"I don't know why. It's all I have thought about since the spell." Sam said, his voice breaking a little.

When he was younger, Castiel had thought there was nothing worse than an angel copulating with a human. He had abandoned that notion a long time ago. He knew that it was demons that were the abominations. Their blood, their evil, everything about them stank of sin. Sam Winchester had demon blood inside of him and now he was addicted to it. Did this mean that the younger hunter was an abomination?

A stray tear fell down Sam Winchester's face and he suddenly looked more like a boy than a man. He wasn't an abomination. He hadn't asked for this, just like Castiel hadn't asked for his wings.

_These tears, they're human._

That applied to Sam Winchester too.

"I don't understand it either; the physical cravings you must be having. I've never heard of such a thing. But I think that I can stop it." Castiel said.

Sam just nodded a little bit, wiping his eyes. "Whatever you can do. I'll try anything."

Castiel stood up and went over so he was standing directly behind Sam. "This might hurt." He murmured.

He placed a palm on the back of his head and willed his grace into Sam Winchester's soul, just like he'd done earlier when Sam had tried to kill him. The urge to destroy angels was encoded into Sam's DNA and into his soul. Sam was physically tied to the demon blood. Light and dark were both fighting for influence in Sam's soul and body. Castiel had to overwhelm the power of the blood with his own grace. He didn't understand how it worked, but he suspected it was how he was able to heal minor human injuries and kill demons. His palm lit up with a radiant white light and seeped into the other man's soul. Castiel felt enormously clean whenever he did this, whenever he killed demons, the grace taking over completely, ridding his body of humanity for the briefest of moments. He let out a sigh of relief, which was at odds with Sam Winchester's howl of pain.

After 30 seconds, he pulled his hand away, confident that his grace had worked. Just as Sam's cries died down, Dean snapped back to life.

That had never happened before. No one had ever overcome one of Castiel's trances, especially when he worked them intentionally.

"Sammy!" He cried, he leapt out of the chair, to his brother's aid.

"It worked." Sam said in disbelief, completely ignoring his brother. "Castiel, it worked."

"What worked?" Dean shouted. "What did you do to him?"

Castiel just stared at Dean Winchester, mouth agape, amazed that the human had overcome his trance.

"He helped me." Sam said.

Now they were all staring at each other in disbelief. It was a house full of hunters, freaks, and weirdos. Was anyone human these days?

Rather than argue about their collective humanity, Dean and Sam left. Castiel was relieved to see them go, even though he had no idea what the hell was going on with the brothers.

From his window, Castiel watched the brothers drive away. He considered the new information he had and he felt sick. Sam Winchester was important, he was sure of that. He was a human being with demon blood— blood given to him willingly by an incredibly powerful demon who was loathe to even come to the surface to be among humans. Castiel had never heard of such a thing happening, and with an archangel for a father, that was rare.

He paced his small living room, trying to absorb what was happening around him. The Devil's Gate was open; the angels were back; Lilith was undoubtedly free and nowhere to be found; Sam Winchester had demon blood inside of him and was physically addicted to it; and Gabriel had severed their ties, so for the first time since he'd discovered his true identity, Castiel could not feel his presence. He had arranged the meeting with the hunters to get information. Unfortunately, this information meant nothing to him. All he knew was that it meant something terrible. There was nowhere he could run, nowhere he could hide. The angels or possibly even Lilith would eventually find him. He didn't know what to do.

So, for the first time in a long time, Castiel did as he was told.

He sat down on the couch, suppressing the urge to unsheathe his wings. He considered his job. Being a data analyst wasn't so bad. He knew a lot about computers and he enjoyed working with them. If he needed money like a normal person, the job would undoubtedly be monetarily satisfying. Santa Cruz was a nice place for humans to live—it was by the water and there were lots of attractive women, as Dean Winchester had stated during their little bout with normalcy the night before. Strangely, he hadn't minded the normalcy during his "date" with "Agent Angus Young." Maybe he could embrace normalcy and humanity. He could go back to school, get a real degree instead of just claiming the one that Gabriel conjured for him. He still loved physics and could probably finish a bachelor's degree in less than two years. Working, living in a house, going to school for awhile—he knew he could do it. After all, in the grand scheme of his life, which would undoubtedly be very long, the time he'd spend playing human would be minute, a couple of years in an existence that was potentially limitless.

"I'll have to do this for a year at most." He muttered to himself. "Maybe two years. That's nothing when you live as long as I do."

Castiel stared at the walls of his human abode. They were still beige. Beige and boring. He decided he'd paint the walls. He would liven up his human existence, starting with the walls of his home. He'd pretend he was a human for just a little bit longer. After all, Gabriel was probably right. This might be the only way he'd go unnoticed.

His wings twitched behind their invisible wall. He breathed and tried to remember what life had been like without them.


	11. Chapter 11

I am so sorry for the horribly sporadic updates. I have been incredibly busy with work and life. I've also suffered some nasty writer's block. As a treat, I present to you a long chapter. More are written too, so expect a few chapters over the next week or too. Thanks to everyone who is still keeping tabs on this story. I am doing my very best to complete it!

* * *

The Impala was speeding down the freeway at 85 miles per hour when Dean started to get angry again. It had been less than a week since the events in California and things were tense between the brothers. All Dean had discovered in California was a mysterious, possibly winged man who knew more about his brother than he did. He pressed his foot down on the accelerator, trying to break 90.

"I can't believe you never told me." Dean said to Sam for the third time in three days.

"There is nothing I can do about it." Sam snapped. "Besides, Castiel 'cleansed' me, or whatever, so maybe the demon blood is gone."

The look on Sam's face told Dean that his brother knew that it wasn't gone.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dean pressed.

"That look on your face right now is the reason I didn't tell you. You think I'm a freak and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't feel different. I don't feel evil. It's blood, just blood. It has no impact on me as a person." Sam said.

"It made you attack Castiel. You went after him with a knife. You wanted to kill him." Dean said, shuddering a little bit when he remembered the look on Sam's face when he'd lunged at the other man with a knife. "Doesn't that worry you?"

"Maybe it's because he's not human. Maybe those were just my instincts."

"They weren't your instincts, they were something else. I know you better than anyone, Sammy. You don't kill people without provocation. You don't even do that with vampires or other beasties. Do you remember how you acted?" Dean said.

"I thought this was about me lying to you." Sam said. "Instead, you're just judging me. You think I'm a killer."

Dean didn't respond. He was angrier at Sam for not telling him about the demon blood than he was about Sam attacking Castiel. His brother had a point. He could lie to Sam, but he couldn't lie to himself. The demon blood and the sudden violence that seemed to engulf his younger brother scared him.

"I'm not judging you." Dean said finally.

They drove for awhile longer without speaking, heading toward Erie, Pennsylvania to check out some potential demon omens. The past week had been tense. The brothers had always fought, but they had never outright lied to each other before. Dean sacrificed everything for his brother and was always honest. If Sam died, he would make the same deal his father had. His father, who went to hell for him and would suffer there for eternity, had doomed himself for his son. Dean would do the exact same thing for his brother.

Dean pressed down on the pedal, making the Impala purr. Sam didn't even say anything when the car hit 100, and his brother was always after him to drive slower. Dean gritted his teeth and tried not think, tried to think about anything besides Sam and his demon blood.

Just as Dean was about to apologize to Sam for the third time in three days, everything changed. He opened his mouth to speak, to tell his brother that they'd move on with their lives and forget about the demons, when everything went white. He was driving down the freeway, and then he was blinded by light so pulverizing that it made him white out.

Dean awoke in an unfamiliar room that's colors echoed the burst of white light he'd experienced before he'd passed out. He sat up slowly, looking around, trying to get his bearings. The first thought that came to mind was speculation over how clean everything looked. The floor where he lay was covered in brilliant, white marble, not a mark on it, and the walls were a creamy white, covered in insipid paintings of bible scenes. A single white, leather couch sat in the middle of the room. Dean was sure he'd been kidnapped by demons, but the room was almost too immaculate to be the resting place of any kind of hell spawn.

Dean groaned and sat up, trying to get his bearings. "Hello?" He called, knowing as soon as the words left his mouth that talking was a bad idea. He stood up, rubbing the back of his head, which ached.

He heard a rustling that almost sounded like feathers.

"Well, at least Michael's true vessel is what humans would call attractive." A snotty voice said.

Dean spun around, coming face to face with two humans. One was an older man with beady eyes and a pot belly and the other was an attractive, blond woman who looked to be in her late 20s. They were dressed impeccably in navy blue suits, tailored perfectly for their figures. They stood next to each other, backs completely straight, their posture perfect. The blonde wore a mask, not a single emotion showing, but the man looked smug, his funny, birdlike features twisted into a smirk.

Dean reached for his knife, which he always kept holstered on his ankle. He wasn't fast enough, because the man in the navy suit burst out laughing, twitched his wrist and sent him flying.

"Silly boy." The man said, laughing more. "It wouldn't work anyway. You're coming with us."

Dean landed on the couch, which he supposed was lucky, or perhaps was the point.

"Be careful with him." The blonde said, her voice filled with ice.

"Who are you?" Dean asked. "Where's my brother?"

The blonde's face twitched, an imperceptible eye movement. "Your abomination of a brother is of no concern to us. Only you. You are the one true vessel."

Dean stood up. "If Sam's an abomination, then why do demons have me instead of him?"

The man cackled. "Dean Winchester, the one true vessel, thinks we're demons! How ironic is that, Hester?"

"We're angels. I am Hester and this is my associate, Zachariah." The blonde said, ignoring Zachariah's laughs. "We are on earth for the first time in 2000 years. We've been waiting to make our move. You revealed yourself to one of our kind and we knew it was time."

It was Dean's turn to laugh. "Angels? You're angels? I mean, lady, I can see you being one… but him? Dude looks like more like a constipated turkey than an angel."

The woman's face twitched again, this time into a quirk of a smile. The man, Zachariah, frowned.

"The war is beginning and it is being fought on earth." Zachariah said, his face darkening. "Your destiny has arrived."

"Whatever you say, angelface." Dean muttered, scanning the room for an exit. He didn't see one. He felt his blood go cold, a sense of danger setting in. He reached for the knife, lightning speed this time, and threw it at Zachariah. It landed squarely in his chest. Hester gaped at him, seemingly amazed he had the gall to attack the bird man in the blue suit. Zachariah just looked outraged and pulled the blade from his chest. He ran a palm over the shirt where a little bit of blood was beginning to seep out. When he moved his palm, the wound was gone.

"The archangel, Michael, has chosen you." Zachariah said smoothly. "You are coming with us."

"Archangel?" Dean squeaked.

Zachariah glided toward him and grabbed him by the shirt. "You do not defy me. You will say yes." He said, his voice coming out like a hiss. Then, without warning and with enormous strength that Dean had never experienced before, not even in a demon, Zachariah threw him clear across the room.

Dean's body crashed into the wall, which was made of some kind of stone, judging by the way pain shot through his body hard and fast. He fell limply to the ground. Dean blinked and tried to stand up, but his vision blurred and black dots swam in front of his eyes. He stumbled and tried to get up again, only to once again be lifted clear off the ground by Zachariah.

"Scum. I don't care that you're the vessel, you're all scum." Zachariah hissed. "Coming back here to get you, a womanizing, sinful, heathen makes me embarrassed to be an angel. I'm embarrassed that our leader will have to go within twenty feet of your meat."

Dean stared across the room at Hester, who was watching the scene with a cool detachment. He didn't know why her twist of a smile made her seem safer. Zachariah dropped him to the ground and kicked him in the stomach. Dean choked in pain as Zachariah kicked him again and again, his shiny black loafer landing blows that were surely tearing apart his internal organs and breaking his ribs. Sure enough, Dean felt his ribs crack and he cried out in pain. Zachariah just looked down on him, his face giddy. Seeing his chance, Dean tried to stand up again, but Zachariah simply clenched his fist and Dean fell back down the ground, tethered there by some unseen force. Zachariah kicked him again, hitting him square in the pelvis. Hot pain shot through Dean's legs and he screamed out in pain, which made Zachariah smile more. Not knowing what else to do, Dean curled himself into a fetal position, trying to ignore how heavy the middle of his body felt.

_Internal bleeding. _He thought as the loafer landed a blow on his head.

Hester appeared next to him and Zachariah stopped his assault. "Perhaps you'd better stop and heal him now. Michael won't be pleased." She murmured to him.

"We've been watching this worm since we came back. He's not worthy." Zachariah spat. "Michael can put him back together."

Dean stared up at Hester for help, but she did nothing as Zachariah kicked him in the face. The pain was overwhelming and all-encompassing now and he didn't even notice when he instinctively spit out a tooth. He was about to pass out, sure death was close, when he heard a voice.

"Leave him alone." The voice said, echoing throughout the room.

Zachariah stopped kicking him. From the floor, Dean watched Hester and Zachariah's faces change.

"How did you find this place?" Hester asked. For the first time since they'd snatched him from the highway, Dean heard emotion. She was confused and surprised.

Zachariah looked outraged, then pleased. "My, my, I thought we'd killed all of you." He said.

"Leave Dean alone." The voice said.

Suddenly the man whose voice he'd heard was standing in front of him. It was Castiel. He stood before the two beings in blue suits. Dean wanted to say something, but he was in too much pain.

"Are you working for Lucifer?" Zachariah spat. "It wouldn't surprise me, since you're sin itself. The Winchester boy would be a valuable pawn."

Castiel's face remained stoic. "I'm taking him with me."

"What are you?" Hester asked. "Brother, you're not one of us, but I can see your grace."

Zachariah let out a laugh that sounded like a bellow. "Hester, sometimes I forget how young you are. It's a Nephilim, a filthy, half-breed Nephilim. It's not a brother, it's a monster."

Hester gasped. "But I thought Michael killed them all?"

"This one somehow escaped detection. I'll take care of it, then we'll be able to bring him the body of this abomination and his true vessel. I'll surely get a promotion." Zachariah said, another smirk dancing across his face.

A blade appeared in Zachariah's hand, long and silver, shining and lethal. From the floor, Dean watched as Castiel's eyes turned white and the edges of his body started to gleam, light pouring from him like sunbeam. He disappeared and so did Zachariah. They reappeared on the edge of the massive room and began to fight. Dean struggled to get up, dragging himself to the wall, where he could lean and slow some of the bleeding. Hester ignored him completely. Dean knew this was his only chance to get away, but he knew he couldn't move and he didn't know where he'd go. Instead, he watched a battle unfold between two angels.

Castiel landed a punch on Zachariah, which bounced off the angel like a quarter. Zachariah dove at Castiel with the blade, but Castiel popped out of sight, appearing behind Zachariah. He lifted up a hand, which was emanating a blue glow and brought it down on the back of the angel's head. Zachariah howled and toppled to the ground.

Next to Dean, Hester gasped. "His grace. How could his grace do that?" She whispered.

Only momentarily deterred, Zachariah picked himself back up and Castiel popped out again, this time landing back in front of him and Hester. Zachariah appeared a second later. Dean watched as the burn on the angel's neck healed before his eyes. He threw a punch that made Castiel grunt in pain and sent him back a few feet backwards onto the ground. He quickly got up, his hands still glowing, and reached for Zachariah, who dodged him. Castiel's fingers skimmed the bottom of Zachariah's blazer and it burned, the fabric singed away. Zachariah grabbed Castiel's hand and flipped the smaller man over his shoulders, launching him ten feet into the wall next to Dean. Castiel landed with a thud and looked momentarily dazed, but was immediately back in front of Zachariah, throwing a punch that was teeming with light. The punch landed and Zachariah grimaced and his face bloomed in a purple burn, but brushed it off.

"You're fast!" Zachariah snarled, launching himself at Castiel.

Castiel dodged Zachariah's lumbering body and the angel literally flew over him. "Faster than you."

He popped out again, this time appearing about 5 feet in front of Dean and a horrified Hester.

"Zachariah! His grace! You can't handle this grace! He'll kill you!" She screamed.

Zachariah and Castiel circled each other in the cavernous room. "She's right." Castiel said, his eyes glowing brighter.

"You're a monster." Zachariah hissed, holding the blade out in front of him as a shield. "Your grace, it destroys instead of creating."

Dean couldn't really see, but he thought he saw a smile creep onto Castiel's face. "Actually, that's my soul." He said.

Castiel unleashed his wings.

The wings appeared out of nowhere, but the air around them quivered with magic and the glow around Castiel's body seemed to thicken and vibrate. Castiel's wings were huge, 15 feet of power and muscle, with feathers that were black as coal, but brilliant enough to reflect the light in the white room, making it look like the feathers were fixed with tiny diamonds. Dean was transfixed, and despite all the pain he was in, he longed to reach out and stroke the feathers.

"Those are your wings? You're showing off _those_?" Zachariah snarled, lowering his arm. "Pathetic."

Castiel grinned, his eyes cooling down and becoming their human-blue again. "They were just a distraction."

Zachariah looked down and his silver blade was in Castiel's hand now. In a split second, the blade was shoved into Zachariah's throat. Zachariah looked confused and then his eyes filled with light and it also began to pour out of his mouth. He screamed and the lights in the room began to shatter. Dean screamed too because the noise was deafening and it hurt, hurt more than the kicks and punches Zachariah had doled out just minutes before. He held his hands to his ears and felt blood. He was sure these were the last minutes of his life. Dean passed out and the last thing he saw was Castiel approaching Hester.

(~)

Castiel was healing the last of Dean Winchester's wounds when the hunter awoke. His eyes flew open and he sat up with a start.

"Where the hell am I?" He snapped, his green eyes darting back and forth.

Castiel smiled gently at him and stood up. He looked around his human house, knowing this was the last time he would probably inhabit it. Dean was seated on his beige couch and his head had been in Castiel's lap, making it easier for him to heal the last of his bruises.

He'd been at work, distracted and not working, because after a week, he'd finally been able to "tune in" to the angels' conversations. The shared grace and the large influx of angels within the United States made it easier. He'd been listening when he heard their plans for Dean Winchester. From that moment on, he knew his false existence as a human was over.

"This is my home, although it won't be for much longer." He said, trying to sound wistful.

"What… happened back there?" Dean choked. The hunter stopped and looked down at his hands. He ran a palm over his face, which had been shattered and deformed. "Why am I alive?" He asked, his voice quieter.

"I healed you." Castiel said, raising an eyebrow.

"How did you…" Dean started. He stopped and his mouth fell open.

"I was quite surprised myself, since I usually can only heal mortal wounds. I suppose that the shared grace accounts for that too." Castiel said.

This was the truth. He was still quite stunned by it. The hunter had fallen into a coma. His pelvis, jawbone and ribs had been shattered. These wounds alone would have almost certainly resulted in paralysis. He'd also had a concussion and quite possibly suffered brain damage. These injuries were nothing compared to the internal bleeding, which had almost finished the hunter off during his fight with Zachariah.

Castiel had almost wept when he returned to the house. He had been sure that Dean would die, that there was nothing he could do to save him. Then he'd started to heal him and it had worked. The light poured from him, just like it had during the fight and Castiel's grace had somehow been able to put the hunter back together.

"What are you?" Dean whispered. "Castiel, why did you help me?"

He shrugged, almost helplessly. "I couldn't let you die. The angels… they want war."

"You're an angel?"

He stood up, "No, you heard them. I'm sin itself." He said mutely.

Castiel flashed back to the look of disgust that Zachariah had been wearing when he flew into the room. The angel, who had infinitely more grace and generations of life on Castiel, had looked at him like he was a roach. No, worse than a roach, because a roach was one of God's creatures, a roach was pure, while Castiel was the result of a selfish and nearly impossible union between a fallen angel and a human. The easy way that Zachariah had called him "sin itself" and a "monster" had gored Castiel to the bone. He couldn't have read Zachariah's thoughts, but he'd felt the disgust, hatred, and confusion rolling off the angel. Zachariah had been one hundred percent convinced that Castiel was an affront to God and his belief had been so absolute, that Castiel almost believed him.

"You're not sin itself. You saved my life." Dean said.

"They would have healed you. The reason I came is because of what would have happened if they'd gotten you to Michael."

Castiel had heard it all too clearly.

"Angels are real?" Dean said, more to himself than anyone else.

"Yes. Angels are real. God is real, although he's been gone for millenniums. More importantly, Lucifer and Michael are real." Castiel said, trying to forget about how easily the blade had slid into Zachariah's gut.

It was just now occurring to him that he'd killed an angel.

Dean stared at him. "Lucifer? No… no way."

Castiel nodded. "Way." He stared at a fixed point on the wall behind Dean's head. There were still crusty, week old sigils on the walls. Sigils to keep angels out.

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked suddenly.

"He's coming. After I healed the worse of your wounds, I called him. Luckily he picked up." Castiel said, remembering how angry the younger Winchester had gotten when he'd told him he had Dean.

"Can't you just… teleport us to him?"

Castiel stood up. He began to pace the living room, like he'd done just days before when he'd been overcome by the boredom of his "human life." The numbness of it was over now. Surely with the death of Zachariah, the fear he'd struck into Hester, and the abduction of Dean would bring the angels right to his doorstep.

"And you'd be right, you fucking idiot." A voice said out of nowhere.

Gabriel was standing in front of him, looking bitter, resigned, and slightly amused. Castiel was so caught up in his brooding that he hadn't even noticed that Gabriel's presence had once again joined with his. Castiel relaxed, enjoying the feeling of the shared grace between them. He was suddenly grateful his father was back.

Dean let out a growl and jumped to his feet, injuries and shock forgotten. "You!" He roared.

Gabriel just smirked at Dean. "Nice to see you too, Winchester."

"We killed you! Twice!"

Gabriel shrugged. "Yet despite that, my idiot son still felt the need to bring you back to life."

"This is a lie! It was all a lie!" Dean screamed. "What was the point of that? To make me believe in angels?"

Dean approached Gabriel. He stood nearly 7 inches higher than Gabriel's vessel, but he approached slowly, showing how cautious he was of the Archangel.

"Why won't you die?" Dean hissed. "Why do you keep messing with us? What was the point of even bringing Castiel into it? Is he a trickster too?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Go to sleep." He commanded. He touched Dean on the forehead and in a flash, the hunter was falling to the floor. Gabriel caught him easily and dragged him back over to the couch.

Castiel stared at Gabriel. His father knew the Winchesters? He knew what was going on?

"I had no idea that buffoon would be so important." Gabriel said, raising an eyebrow.

"Gabriel, what's going on?" Castiel demanded.

Gabriel sighed and closed his eyes. "I warned you to stay out of it, but I knew once you met the Winchesters, once I realized how you felt for Dean, that you'd get involved."

"What is going on? Why does he know you?"

"I ran into them on a couple hunts." Gabriel admitted. "I killed Dean a bunch of times to punish him for the first time they tried to kill me."

"You KILLED him?"

Gabriel just shrugged. "Hey. I brought him back."

"Why does Michael want him? Why does he need Dean to kill Lucifer?" Castiel asked , trying to keep the incredulousness off his face.

"The end of the world, at least this world. Son, it's the goddamn apocalypse." Gabriel said.

Castiel tried to keep his mouth from falling open. He'd suspected something was happening. He knew it'd be bad. He knew they were going to war. He just hadn't thought the the war would be on earth.

"Why? Why would the angels want to end the world?" Castiel whispered.

Gabriel just cocked his head to the side and smile bitterly. "They're lazy assholes. They don't want this world anymore. It's too messy. They want earth to go one way or another. The demons want to free Lucifer and bring on non-stop darkness. The angels want Michael to stop Lucifer and bring on paradise."

"Why don't they just stop Lucifer from being released then? It has to be easy for them. Hell, demons are even easy for me."

"If he's not released, if he doesn't fight his brother, they don't get paradise. They'd have to keep the mess, the freewill, the humans." Gabriel said. "The angels and the demons, they need their war, they need the symbolism, they need to follow what has been written. What was written was that Lilith will release Lucifer and Lucifer and Michael will fight to the death on neutral ground: earth."

"What do we want?" Castiel asked, feeling numb.

"We don't get involved. We don't care. We're leaving this plane, Cas. I disappeared for a few days and went and saw some old contacts. Some of the Gods are hopping dimensions. They want us to come with them." Gabriel said.

"Why not paradise?"

"They'd decimate you. They'd try to decimate me. The Gods will be killed too. Our entire family will be gone." Gabriel said. "The only way out is to leave."

"What does this have to do with Dean and Sam?"

"It's destiny, Castiel. This is their destiny. We can't do anything to help them, not that they would ever want our help."

"We can fight." Castiel said. "We can fight with them."

"We don't care about them." Gabriel said sharply. "I told you years ago, we don't care about humans. I thought you had gotten past that."

Castiel stared at the archangel, not sure what to say. He'd grown up on earth. He didn't know anything else. For him, there wasn't anything else. He knew that Heaven and Hell existed but he didn't think he'd be able to get into either of them. Not his whole self. His soul would go to one or the other, but Castiel, his whole self would be lost. Earth was his home. He was partly human and if he went with the Gods, he had no idea what would happen to his humanity or his grace. He didn't want to leave earth.

"You'd still be you, Cas." Gabriel said. "It's the only way."

"Why? Why can't we fight?" He murmured.

"Kid, they'd destroy us. You can't fight Heaven. You can't fight Hell. You certainly can't fight both."

"Is Kali going?" Castiel asked.

Gabriel was silent for a minute and a flash of sorrow crossed his face. "No. She's staying here."

"Why?"

Gabriel didn't respond.

"It's her home." Castiel said. "It's ours. The angels haven't been here in 2000 years. It doesn't belong to them. Gabriel, we can't let them have it."

Gabriel sighed. He looked defeated. Slightly devastated. More than anything, the archangel was scared. He knew that they didn't stand a chance against the angels. He knew that the demons didn't either, although with Lucifer, the demons themselves thought they might stand a chance. Gabriel had always looked out for Gabriel. Now he looked out for Castiel.

"We're leaving in a week." Gabriel said simply. He was direct, commanding. "I have to prepare. I will come for you soon. Stay in this house, stay hidden. I strengthened the wards. Leave, your soul and your grace will shine like a beacon."

Gabriel flew away.

Not caring that he was a beacon, Castiel picked up Dean Winchester, and he flew away too.


	12. Chapter 12

**The road so far:**

Thrown out of his home, Castiel uncovers he's half-angel, half human. He's a nephilim, possibly the only one left on earth. Saved by Gabriel the archangel, his true father, Castiel sets out on a life separate from humanity.

Many years later, Dean and Sam roll into Santa Cruz, California to investigate a potential Jinn attack, their first "normal" hunt since Sam opened the Devil's Gate and all hell broke loose on earth.

Castiel encounters the hunters and they take him as a suspect in the Jinn attacks, only to discover he has wings and a connection to their impending war.

Castiel realizes his connection to Dean and takes him out for drinks, but the date is interrupted when the angels return to earth for the first time in 2000 years and Castiel feels Gabriel leave for the first time since his father entered his life 12 years ago.

Dean and Sam confront Castiel and Sam tries to kill him. Castiel partially reveals his true nature by telling the brothers that the demon blood inside Sam makes him violent and unpredictable. Castiel uncovers something more disturbing when he realizes that Sam is addicted to demon blood.

The brothers leave and Dean is snatched by the angels Zachariah and Hester, who tell him he is the true vessel for the archangel Michael. Castiel intervenes and kills Zachariah and takes Dean to safety.

Gabriel reappears and tells them the apocalypse will happen, a war between Lucifer and Michael. He tells Castiel that they must leave this plane or else they will not be safe. Castiel decides to stay with the brothers and save earth, the only home he's ever known.

* * *

"The apocalypse." Dean stated.

He stared at a blank spot on the wall behind Castiel's head. As usual, Castiel looked slightly bored and wore an ill-fitting tan overcoat that swallowed his narrow figure. Dean couldn't believe that less than 20 minutes ago, this seemingly normal data analyst slash hunter had unsheathed an enormous pair of wings and brutally killed an angel. Right now he looked more like a homeless person than a ruthless, beautiful and rare supernatural creature. For some reason Dean couldn't believe that he was thinking about Castiel's appearance, especially considering everything that had happened to him in the last day.

Sometimes his life became too crazy to even process.

Sam sat next to him, tense as a drum.

"The apocalypse?" Sam said, repeating what Dean said, but as a question.

"Angels, Lucifer, the apocalypse, Nephilim, and me… the true vessel of Michael. Sounds more like a super fucked up kiddy bible show than anything legit." Dean muttered.

Castiel's eye twitched and he clenched his teeth. Dean noticed it, but didn't say a word. Then Dean realized that he had probably just read his mind.

"You're just not very imposing." Dean explained.

Castiel sneered a little bit. "So you've been sitting here for twenty minutes 'taking it in.' Why is it so hard for you to believe this is happening? Especially after the Devil's Gate?"

"We didn't even know angels existed. Now you're telling us they do, and so does God and Lucifer and they want to end the world." Dean said, trying to keep the shock out of his voice. "Excuse me, but it's a lot to process."

"God hasn't been a factor for many millennia." Castiel said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"What?" Sam said, practically snapping back to life.

"We don't think he cares. If he did, he wouldn't let the angels do this. We don't even know if he's still alive." Castiel said, shrugging. "He doesn't matter in this. You two matter, the angels matter, Lucifer matters and so do Lilith and he demons who want to bring him back."

"God is gone and you don't care? You know he's real, you know he might be dead, and you don't care?" Sam said, standing up. He rose a full five inches over Castiel and cast a dark look down at him. "It's the apocalypse. We're screwed as a species and you're telling me that God is out? How can you be so calm?"

Dean knew his brother had faith. He always had faith, even when he shouldn't have. Dean had lost it a long time ago. He'd been a self-professed atheist, but even now that he knew God existed, it didn't make much difference. Dean felt similarly to Castiel. Sam was clearly devastated.

"I've learned to live with it." Castiel said calmly, almost too calmly. He bore his eyes into Sam's, looking up at him and Sam backed up and sat down. Dean knew that his brother hadn't sat down by choice.

Dean knew that Castiel had muted him. Except he'd done it with his brain. Or his grace. Or whatever it was that gave him the abilities he had. Dean still could hardly fathom what Castiel was.

"Why me?" Dean asked, breaking up Sam and Castiel's pissing match. He knew there would be trouble between them again soon. He just had to wait for the other shoe to drop.

"It's your blood. Michael has other suitable vessels, but you were pre-destined to be his host during the apocalypse. Your bloodline, your destiny, well, you were meant to be part of this war. We just don't want you be involved the angels think you will be."

"What about Sam?" Dean asked.

Castiel shrugged helplessly. "I only know what Gabriel told me and what I pick up from the angels."

"You can hear them?" Sam asked incredulously. "Do they know where you are? Where we are?"

"They can't find me. My father made sure of that many years ago. Now I will do the same for both of you."

Castiel closed his eyes and murmured something that wasn't in English to himself. He opened his eyes and, of course, they were glowing. The air seemed to quiver with power. Dean gulped. Although he was grateful to Castiel for saving his life and he still found him unreasonably attractive, he was more than a little scared of him now. The angel Zachariah had no trouble beating Dean into a pulp and, although he wouldn't admit this to Sam, he had not fought back. He hadn't fought back at all. The attack had been so swift, so powerful, that he couldn't. He was physically unable to fight Zachariah, nor did he have any idea how to kill an angel. Castiel had taken Zachariah on fairly easily, and he was partially human. Dean had no idea what that meant. He just knew that he didn't want to be on Castiel's bad side.

"This might hurt a little." He said to Dean.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Castiel ignored him. He placed his hand on Dean's chest and, yet again, he was filled with a momentary, searing pain that seem to shake him to his bones. The palm of Castiel's hand glowed and his eyes become white hot moment for a moment. In less than a second, his eyes returned to normal and the pain disappeared. He pulled his hand away and he looked please.

"What did you do to me?" Dean choked. "Holy fuck that hurt."

"I think it worked." Castiel said, sounding amazed. "I'm getting stronger."

Sam backed away, but Castiel grabbed him anyway. He pressed his grace forward and Sam let out a loud yell.

"Shit!" He gasped.

"What did you do?" Dean said, grimacing, standing up. "Thanks for the warning, by the way."

"I marked you. You are now invisible to all angels. They won't be able to find you, not even archangels like Gabriel or Michael." Castiel said.

"Will _you _be able to find us?" Sam grumbled.

"Yes." Castiel said, raising an eyebrow. "After all, I'm not fully angelic. I'm partly human. Like you, I have a soul."

"So, what do we do now?" Dean asked, changing the subject.

Castiel smiled a little bit, almost too happily for someone who was about to be thrown into an apocalyptic battle between Heaven and Hell. "I suppose we research and hunt some evil sons-of-a-bitches. Killing Lilith before she pops Lucifer's cage seems like a good goal to have, right?"

Dean couldn't help but snort when he said "Sons-of-bitches." Maybe they had more in common than he thought, angelic or not.

(~)

It had been three days. Three days and squat. They researched Lilith, Lucifer, the Devil's Gate, angels, demons, the apocalypse and they even read the bible. Castiel listened to the "angel radio" until he felt like his head was going to explode.

When they'd first arrived, their voices were so deafening that the voices had made his ears bleed. Now, it was more of a gentle roar and all it did was give him a headache. He understood it too; the words came to him in English, although it had originally come to him in Enochian. It didn't make sense, but a lot of his powers and abilities didn't make sense, so he didn't question it. It seemed that since the angels came to earth and Castiel tapped into their shared grace, that he was growing more powerful. He had easily taken down Zachariah (when, in truth, he hadn't thought he stood a chance), he'd healed all of Dean Winchester's wounds, and he'd flown the Winchester brothers and himself across the country with little to no "jetlag" as Gabriel had always called it. He felt his grace stronger than he ever had before. He felt more angelic, less human, and he could almost feel his soul burning away, the grace taking its place and making him a full-blown angel. Even his wings themselves felt more muscular.

Castiel felt like new man. Or at least a new angel. More accurately, he was a new and improved Nephilim.

Despite this, it had been three days and they hadn't found much of anything.

"I think we need to go hunting." Castiel announced.

Sam and Dean looked up from their laptop and books. Sam looked irritated, but Dean actually looked relieved. He'd been with them three days, albeit he spent the time flying rather than sleeping in the cramped motel rooms where they chose to stay. Castiel could tell that the brothers were still on edge with each other. Sam was not pleased with his presence either. Despite the fact that Castiel had "cleansed" Sam of his rage and temporarily quelled his craving for demon blood, the younger Winchester did not like him.

"I'm down." Dean said, slamming the book shut. "What's the plan, Cas?"

Sam furrowed his brow when Dean used the nickname. Castiel frowned a little bit and dug into his brain. He was honestly trying his best not to read their minds since they were supposedly allies, but Sam Winchester worried him.

Sam wanted to hunt. He desperately wanted to hunt because he thought kidnapping and interrogating a demon would be more effective than researching, but he didn't want Castiel to come along. He also didn't want to be near demons because he was afraid the craving would come back. Castiel frowned more and shivered involuntarily. He couldn't help it. Due to his hatred of demons, a small part of him still saw Sam Winchester as an abomination. Even worse, he felt this way more strongly every time Sam thought about demon blood or wondered what happened to his demon-gifted psychic powers.

"You've been tracking omens, right?"

Dean nodded.

"Well, I have a spell that should be able to detect where there is the largest amount of demon activity. I can't use this spell for everywhere where there are omens, but if we pin it down to one or two places, I should be able to track, very specifically, where the demons are. I can transport us there and we can kidnap one." Castiel said.

He tried not to sound happy. He hadn't been hunting in months. He'd been itching for it, dying for it, and now he was finally going to be able to do it.

"Sounds like a really good plan. Damn dude, we should take you with us everywhere." Dean said, shooting him a grin that sent happy chills down Castiel's spine and assured him that his soul remained fully intact.

It took five more hours of research, but they were able to pin down two locations where demons almost certainly were and another three hours for Castiel to track down the ingredients for his locator spell. The spell would show them where the most demons were and they planned to go the place that was closet to their current location of Erie, Pennsylvania. Sam had protested against picking their location of choice on number of demons, but both Castiel and Dean had assured him that they could handle it.

Using a map, some very smelly herbs, a few human teeth, and human blood, Castiel tracked the demons.

Castiel pointed at the part of the map that remained unburned. This indicated where the demons were.

"Dayton, Ohio." He said.

Sam stared at the street name and typed it into his computer. He pulled up an image on Google Streetview.

"Residential." He said, turning the screen to show Dean and Castiel.

"Demons pick the worst places. God, this could be a high casualty rate." Dean said with a groan.

"I doubt it. It's a concentrated area. There are at least 15 demons in this neighborhood. Strong ones too. All of the humans might be possessed. We're going to need a lot of weapons and salt." Castiel said.

"I thought you could just whammy them with that light power you have?" Dean said, sounding nervous.

"Well, yes, I can burn their souls out of their hosts, but these are strong demons. I also prefer to exorcise them if I can. If I sense humanity, I do my best to save them." Castiel said.

It was a lie. Castiel had long ago given up on exorcising demons. He felt slightly guilty for the lie, but he was eager to get into the fold. The Winchesters still didn't like killing humans, possessed or not, in the line of duty. The power Castiel had felt when he worked the spell indicated that they had stumbled across some powerful demons—demons that would almost certainly be able to tell them more about Lilith, her whereabouts and possibly even information about how she planned to unleash Satan.

"I don't think that's gonna be an option here." Dean said.

Castiel nodded, twisting his facial features into a mask that he hoped looked somber. The truth was, he didn't care. When it came to humans, he often didn't.

(~)

While Sam was gathering weapons from the Impala, Dean confronted Castiel. Although he had come to Castiel's defense, again and again, he was still terrified of him. He was unlike any creature Dean had ever come up against and they were working together instead of fighting. He didn't know why Castiel cared about the fate of the planet so much, especially if he could "hop dimensions" as he'd so casually stated.

"Why are you helping us?" Dean whispered, grabbing Castiel by the shoulder of his nearly ubiquitous trench coat.

Castiel turned to face him and sighed. "I told you, Dean. I don't want this planet to go up in flames."

"Why do you care if you can just go somewhere else?"

"This is my home and I don't want to see its creatures destroyed by angels or demons."

"Can't you find a new one?" Dean asked.

"Yes, but it won't be the same. I don't belong in a parallel universe with Pagan Gods, Dean. I don't belong in Heaven or in Hell. I belong here. If I went somewhere else, I don't know what would happen to me. I don't know what would happen to my soul or my grace." Castiel said.

He looked resigned and for some reason, Dean could tell he was telling the truth.

"Do you actually care about humanity? Do you care about me and Sam?"

"Yes." Castiel said, his voice sounding somewhat pained. "Dean, I don't want Michael to take you over. If he did, there would be nothing left of you."

"Why does Michael want me?" Dean asked for the fiftieth time. "Can't he take someone else? Someone who would just say yes easily?"

Dean was still incredibly relieved about the clause that angels had to receive consent in order to take a host. In his mind, this made them way better than demons.

"Every angel has one true vessel. There are many humans who can contain angels, but only one human is meant for an angel. Your body, your blood, your soul, and even your biology are meant for him."

"What about you? Is this a vessel?" He said, pointing at Castiel's face and body. "Are you possessing some poor guy?"

"Strictly speaking, no. I was born in this body and if I die, I will more than likely die in it. There isn't much that is known about my kind, but I know that this is my body and no one else's. Yet, despite this, this human body isn't truly me. There is much more to me than skin and bones and guts." Castiel said.

"That's one reason you want to stay here."

"Yes."

"Earth is glorious, Dean. Its creatures, its natural beauty, everything about it deserves saving. This is our home, not the angels' or the demons'. I won't see it lost." Castiel said.

With that, he turned around and continued to load a pistol with salt rounds. Sam returned a few minutes later with a cache of weapons.

Castiel stood in front of Dean and his brother. He looked at them both, blue eyes burning holes into their skulls.

"Get ready to fight." He said coarsely. He reached forward and grabbed them both by the shoulders and with a flutter of wings, they were gone.

With a thud that made Dean's stomach leap into his throat, they landed a few streets over from where the demons nested. Dean fingered the gun that was strapped to his side and Sam hoisted the bag of weapons over his shoulder. Slowly they approached the neighborhood, Castiel keeping his eyes closed and senses awake, trying to sense the demons. Within 10 minutes, they arrived in the neighborhood where the demons were. They stood on the end of the street and Castiel silently pointed at a large white house that could only be called a McMansion.

Dean nodded and clutched his weapon close. Castiel grabbed them and transported them into the house. They landed inside a garishly large empty room on the second floor, which Dean secretly admitted to himself was a good idea. Better to go down then up. The upstairs seemed empty, but they heard voices downstairs.

"There are at least four of them." Castiel whispered. "They're all possessed. Paint this floor with Devil's Traps. I'm going to go check out who were up against."

He vanished.

"This is really bad." Sam murmured, pulling a bottle of spray paint out of their weapons bag. "Dean, four demons? One house? What if they possessed kids?"

"Then we'll kidnap daddy demon and exorcise the kids." Dean hissed. He grabbed spray paint from Sam and began to paint the walls and the floors.

He and Sam had only finished one Devil's Trap apiece in the one room when they heard a crash and screaming downstairs.

"Now! It's time!" Dean yelled.

He took off running out of the room, Sam following behind him. They barreled down the stairs to see Castiel facing off with three demons. A fourth demon lay on the floor dead already, eyes burnt out of his skull. Dean tried not to cringe when he saw it was the body of a teenage boy. One was wearing the body of a 40-something housewife, another was wearing the buttoned-up father, and the third was wearing the body of an attractive brunette who looked to be college-aged.

"Angel." The male demon hissed. "How dare you."

"Oh, I more than dare." Castiel hissed, brandishing a knife in front of him. His eyes glowed white and he was crouched in a fighting stance.

"You are deeply stupid then." The older woman said. "Could that be… the Winchesters? Are you that stupid, angel? Bringing the vessel here?"

"He's not their goddamn vessel." Castiel snapped. He lunged at the woman, who teleported out of sight. Castiel followed her, leaving him and Sam to fight two demons.

Dean leapt into the fray, slashing at the young girl. She stood there, backing up slightly, her eyes black as coal.

"I don't want this." She warned, holding a hand out.

Dean ignored her and raised the knife. The girl sighed and flicked her wrist, sending Dean flying. Sam promptly took over, firing at the girl with a salt-packed rifle. The girl wailed and lunged at his brother, clawing at him with fists that had never seen a fist fight before. Dean scrambled to his feet and dove to grab the rifle that flew from Sam's hand. The male demon jumped in front of him.

"Ruby, you little bitch. Fighting back! Nice!" The demon snarled.

The demon punched Dean in the face, making him see stars. It was nothing like the angel Zachariah's punch though and Dean recovered quickly, returning the punch. The demon stumbled backwards and his eyes turned black. He moved his hand and sent Dean barreling to the ground.

"Goddamn telekinesis." Dean groaned, struggling to move.

In the fray, Sam was holding the girl against the wall and chanting an exorcism under his breath. The demon knocked him off her and disappeared.

The demon held Dean there and gave him an appreciative onceover, as if he were a piece of steak he was about to devour. The demon grinned and began laughing maniacally.

"John Winchester's boy certainly knows how to put on a fight! You've got more fight in you than that coward ever did!" The demon cracked. "My boss is going to love this. Wait until Alastair realizes I took on the vessel!"

The name Alastair meant nothing to Dean, but the mention of his father did and Dean was stunned into inaction. The demon bent over and wrapped a hand around his throat. "Oh what joy it will give me to kill the vessel. Even if your fine feathered friend does just bring you back." The demon hissed.

Dean struggled and broke the hold. He kicked the demon in the balls, which was a low-blow, but effective. The demon howled and stumbled backward. Dean leapt to his feet and tackled the demon, slashing at him with the knife. The demon growled and punched him in the face.

Castiel appeared moments later holding the body of the female demon. His face and shirt were covered in blood.

"Enough." Castiel shouted. He threw the body to the ground. The woman, who'd undoubtedly once been a soccer mom, was gutted, her prim blue cardigan slashed open, a deep knife wound in her stomach seeping blood and the slightest pink of entrails. Her eyes were burned out and her face was blistered red with garish burns.

Castiel threw the demon with his own version of telekinesis. Dean watched from the floor as he moved forward. His eyes burned white and he shoved a hand against the male demon's face. The demon screamed and white light poured into the human host. Castiel grinned and pulled his hand away and the demon slumped to the ground, eyes charred.

"It's over." He announced. "Dead."

Castiel grinned and it was positively ghastly.

Dean just now noticed that Sam was unconscious on the floor. The demon wearing the young girl was nowhere to be found. Castiel bent over and lifted Sam up. Castiel brushed a hand over his face and Sam woke up.

"What happened?" Sam muttered. "That bitch knocked me out."

Dean just pointed at the bodies. Sam's mouth fell open. "You burned their eyes out?"

"They're dirty fucking scum." Castiel said. He smirked. "God, it felt good to get that out. It had been way too long."

Dean stared at the bodies. Getting a closer look, the woman showed signs of torture. Her arms, face, and shoulders were covered in blisters and third degree burns. She'd been stabbed repeatedly, bloody knife slashes melding with the burns. Her eyes were charred black, the eyeballs gone, the sockets the only thing visible.

"You tortured her." Dean said thickly.

Castiel shrugged. "I got what we needed . I know how Lilith is going to free Lucifer."

Dean was about to congratulate him, but then Castiel spit on the dead bodies, his smirk growing wider, and teleported them back to Pennsylvania. The look in Castiel's eyes made Dean's blood run cold.


	13. Chapter 13

For the zillionth time, I apologize for the sorry lack of updating. To anyone still reading, I praise you and shower you with cookies. Life is so damn busy! I added a "the road so far" to the last two chapters to help people keep up, since this is apparently going to be a monstrous fic that has sparse updates. THANKS FOR READING!

* * *

**The road so far**

- Thrown out of his home, Castiel uncovers he's half-angel, half human. He's a nephilim, possibly the only one left on earth. Saved by Gabriel the archangel, his true father, Castiel sets out on a life separate from humanity

- Many years later, Dean and Sam roll into Santa Cruz, California to investigate a potential Jinn attack, their first "normal" hunt since Sam opened the Devil's Gate and all hell broke loose on earth.

- Castiel encounters the hunters and they take him as a suspect in the Jinn attacks, only to discover he has wings and a connection to their impending war.

- Castiel realizes his connection to Dean and takes him out for drinks, but the date is interrupted when the angels return to earth for the first time in 2000 years and Castiel feels Gabriel leave for the first time since his father entered his life 12 years ago.

- Dean and Sam confront Castiel and Sam tries to kill him. Castiel partially reveals his true nature by telling the brothers that the demon blood inside Sam makes him violent and unpredictable. Castiel uncovers something more disturbing when he realizes that Sam is addicted to demon blood.

- The brothers leave and Dean is snatched by the angels Zachariah and Hester, who tell him he is the true vessel for the archangel Michael. Castiel intervenes and kills Zachariah and takes Dean to safety.

- Gabriel reappears and tells them the apocalypse will happen, a war between Lucifer and Michael. He tells Castiel that they must leave this plane or else they will not be safe. Castiel decides to stay with the brothers and save earth, the only home he's ever known.

****- Unable to track down Lilith on their own, the brothers and Castiel find a house full of powerful demons in a suburban part of the Midwest in order to capture and interrogate one about how the demons plan to free Lucifer. After a fight that almost ends Dean's life, the brothers see what Castiel is really capable of doing and they are horrified.

**(~)**

Castiel did not take Sam and Dean back to Erie, Pennsylvania or the Impala. Instead he took them to a warehouse that sat along a remote part of the coast of Southern California. He'd purchased it years ago for his "work." Once it had been a port. Now it was empty, except for a few abandoned warehouses and docks. The emptiness suited Castiel, because the demons he brought here always fought back. Sometimes they screamed when Castiel got his hands on them.

The second they landed, the brothers began to scream at him.

"What the fuck was that, Cas? What did you do to them?" Dean shouted, dancing backward to get away from him.

"What happened to interrogating a demon? You just killed them all!" Sam yelled, directly in his face. The younger hunter, for some reason, was not afraid of him like Dean was.

Castiel stared at them, momentarily confused about their reaction. He had saved them both from the demons. Dean would have been slaughtered, yet again, if it weren't for him. Despite this, they didn't care what measures Castiel had taken. Their outrage was pure and it was outright. They both were disgusted with how he had handled the demons.

Castiel honestly couldn't understand their feelings. The Winchesters were hunters, and for this reason, Castiel hadn't realized his demon hunting tactics would bother them so much. He knew the brothers had empathy; he knew they had humanity; he knew they weren't shells; but he hadn't expected them to be so disgusted with him. He had hunted this way for years, but he had always hunted alone, and the brothers' reactions stunned him.

Dean stopped yelling and looked around. "Where the hell are we?" He said, the ever-present anxious tone returning to his voice.

"We are in a warehouse in California. If you notice, it is demon proofed and isolated. This is where I often take them." He said.

"You bring them here to torture them?" Dean asked. His face paled as he said these words.

Dean stared at him expectantly, but Castiel knew he couldn't answer this question honestly. His silence only made Dean more nervous.

"Well, you didn't get any of them." Sam said. He was self-righteous and Castiel could tell it gave him great satisfaction to prove to Dean that they could not trust him.

Sam's self-righteousness brought out Castiel's very human defensiveness.

"If you two would shut up and quit worrying about a few meatbags who were probably dead anyway, then you'd have given me a chance to show you that I did." Castiel snapped.

Castiel felt his own self-righteous indignation run over him. It mirrored Sam's, but for a difference reason. Once again, Castiel felt his usual mild revulsion toward humans return as Sam Winchester smirked at him. Humans were so petty, so caught up in a few lives that were meaningless, so convinced their own way was right. Hunters were the worst of them. So moral, despite the fact that they spend their lives killing, just as Castiel always had.

"What did you do?" Dean muttered.

"I got the girl." Castiel said. "She tried to escape, but I caught her."

Castiel pointed to the end of the warehouse.

"The others were strong, much stronger than her. They had to be eliminated." He said, trying to keep his voice even. "I tried to get the woman to tell me more before I killed her, but there wasn't time."

"Why'd you torture her?" Dean asked, returning to his original issue.

"She deserved it." Castiel snapped.

"Well, take us to the girl." Dean said.

Castiel stalked to the corner of the warehouse, Dean and Sam followed him tentatively. Castiel closed his eyes, trying to ignore their emanating collective feeling of horror.

In the corner of the warehouse, hidden behind an immense wall of debris, the demon who was possessing the college coed sat tied to a chair. A massive devil's trap was painted on the ceiling, keeping her trapped.

"When did you bring her here?" Sam asked. "We were fighting for our lives and you ran?"

"Aftershe knocked you unconscious, naturally she tried to escape. I captured her, brought her here and came back to your rescue." Castiel said, not caring that his tone was heavily sarcastic.

"You were quick." Dean said. "Got back just in time to save my ass."

Castiel couldn't help it, he read Dean's mind when he said that. Dean did feel genuine gratitude toward him. Dean still trusted him. Due to those thoughts, a small part of him wanted to go easy on the demon just to prove to the brothers that he wasn't a monster.

He knew he couldn't though. Instead, bent over and grinned at the demon.

"What's your name?" He asked.

The demon rolled her eyes and looked away. "Ruby." She muttered.

"Ruby, your family is dead." He said, capturing her pretty brown eyes. "What do you think about that?"

"I don't fucking care about them." She snarled. "Let me go!"

"They certainly had you on a leash." Dean said. "Why's that?"

"Because I'm not part of this! I tried to tell you!" She cried. Her eyes stayed on Castiel's face.

"How is Lilith going to release him?" Castiel asked.

"Who? The Devil? He's not real! You can't release something that doesn't exist!"

"We know he exists." Dean said. "The angels came back to earth to fight a war with him. Angels haven't been here in 2000 years. Don't tell me it's a fantasy."

Castiel stood back up, his gaze never leaving the demon's. He summoned his grace forward. He looked down at his hands, which began to glow white.

"What are you? You're not... you're not one of them, not one of us." Ruby breathed, her eyes moving from his face to his hands.

"Not an angel, not a human, sure as hell not a demon." He said, lifting his hands and flexing his fingers, which were glowing hot. "Thanks to what I am though, I can burn the skin off your face with one touch."

Castiel glanced over at Sam and Dean who were watching him with fascination. Sam looked a little sick. He kept glancing over at the demon, as if he emphasized with her.

"Where is Lilith? What is her plan?" Castiel asked.

"I don't know!" She said.

Castiel grinned again. "I was hoping you'd say that."

He thrust his palm forward and placed it on the demon's chest, right below the neck. He willed his power forward, into the demon's core. Ruby began to scream. The smell of charred flesh filled the air and Castiel pushed forward even harder, searing her human host's skin. His grace combined with the power from his human soul charred anything supernatural. Ruby's skin was smoking and bubbling. She screamed even louder and tears filled her eyes. Castiel drew his hand away when the first tear fell.

"Where is Lilith?" He snapped.

Ruby sat there breathing heavily, trying not to sob. "I don't know! They hate me, they won't tell me anything!" She whimpered.

Castiel turned and drew a knife from his bag. He smiled at her and with one quick movement, sliced over the blistered and reddening skin on her chest. She screamed and her eyes turned black.

"Lilith won't tell me anything!" She sobbed. "Please! I'm not the right demon!"

_You have the wrong demon._

_I don't know anything._

_My boss would never tell me anything, I'm just a minion._

These are excuses. Castiel had heard them a thousand times and they were never true.

Resigning to what he'd have to do, Castiel turned to the brothers. "This is going to get ugly." He said simply. "You should leave or at least go outside."

Dean stared at him, his eyes filled with a mixture of awe and terror. Castiel dipped into their brains. Sam was appalled by him. Absolutely appalled. He thought Castiel was a murderer with no soul. Dean didn't think that. In fact, despite his horror, Dean was curious.

Castiel waved his hand. "Leave." He commanded. "Come back in an hour. I guarantee you we will at least have Lilith's location."

The brothers walked away, although they seemed hesitant to leave Castiel alone with Ruby. Once they were beyond the debris and out of sight, Ruby changed. Although her face was streaked with tears and her chest was charred and bloody, she smiled at him.

"You're an even bigger freak than I am." She said, her eyes as black as coal. "A half human, half angel abomination who's making moon eyes at a hunter."

Castiel felt his rage flare when she said that. He was already on edge. The brothers' reaction to his demon-hunting tactics and the mere presence of a demon were compounding the anger he felt about the impending apocalypse. His grip on the knife tightened.

"I've never even see a creature like you." Ruby taunted from the chair. "I've been alive for 1500 years, and most of those years were spent in hell. That's how much of a freak you are."

"That's because I'm part angel, you whore." He snapped, waving the knife in her face. "Angels don't go to hell."

"Right, like they'd ever take you to Heaven." She said, tossing her hair over her shoulder, wincing slightly as she moved. "Let me go or at least let's talk. I think we'd actually make a good team. The younger one and me, you and the older brother.

"I would never work with a demon, even if she were on my side." Castiel growled. "You are scum. You're evil, murderous, angry spirits who have nothing better to do than cause chaos and death everywhere you go."

"Pot. Kettle, Black." She said, raising an eyebrow.

"You all have Lucifer's scythe up your collective ass. You can't even think for yourselves."

"I don't know anything about Lucifer." She countered, her eyes turning black again. "I told you, I don't believe in him."

Ruby looked smug, so Castiel took the knife and slashed it across the human host's stomach. Ruby yelped a little, but kept her cool. The sobbing, sopping mess from moments before was completely gone. In her place was a hardened, cocky demon. This is what he was used to killing.

Castiel began to circle the Devil's Trap. "Why the show?" He asked. "When the Winchesters were here, you were pleading for your life."

"The Winchesters actually have a heart. Everyone knows that. Those boys can't help but fall for the damsel in distress act. You, on the other hand, don't care. I don't even think you have a heart."

"Thank god for that." Castiel said. "How is Lilith going to release Satan?"

Ruby pursed her lips. "Even if I did know, why would I tell you? Whatever Lilith cooks up would be way worse than anything than you can do."

Castiel smiled at her. He knew the smile was cruel, but now wasn't the time to think about the brothers' disgust or his dwindling humanity. He held up his free hand and it glowed white again. He ran the edge of his palm over both sides of the knife, effectively turning it into a boiling hot fire poker. He turned to the demon and smirked. He felt his old self returning, the cocky, invulnerable half-angel who didn't give one thought about the pain he inflicted upon demons.

"Your eyes." She said, her face changing, her smugness fading. "They're like…"

Not allowing her to finish, Castiel lifted the burning knife and jammed it into her gut, right to where her liver would be. The human host's pink shirt was stained red immediately and blood began to trickle from the wound. Ruby's eyes rolled back in her head and she screamed, her throat gurgling with human blood. Castiel twisted the knife in deeper and put his still glowing palm on the side of her face. This is when Ruby stopped screaming.

(~)

Two hours had passed and Castiel still hadn't given Dean and Sam the green light to return to the warehouse. Castiel had said an hour. Dean had been sure it'd take less time than that. The demon Castiel had inside appeared weak. She didn't seem to be the kind of demon who would withstand torture from someone like Castiel.

Dean paced along the water. Every few minutes, the demon's muffled screams would come through the warehouse walls. Every now and then, she'd stop screaming, and Dean would be sure they were in the clear, but then they'd begin again, the cries growing more horrible every time.

Dean glanced over at his brother, who was perched on a large rock. His face was a mask.

"Hey buddy, you alright?" He asked.

"He's killing her." Sam said, his voice tight.

"He's torturing her." Dean muttered, as if that were much better.

"This isn't how we do things. We don't torture the creatures we fight. We get what we need and move on. Castiel is torturing her for fun." Sam countered.

"I don't think it is fun for him." Dean said. "Even if it is, Sam, this is different. The world is ending. A super-powered archangel wants to make me his bitch. Lucifer could walk free. Sometimes in desperate situations, you have to take desperate measures."

"Like trusting a psychopath? Trusting a bizarre supernatural creature whose main goal might be to deliver you to his uncle, or whatever? Trusting someone who's related to the Trickster?"

"He saved my life." Dean said.

Dean sat down on a big stone along the rocky shore and sighed. He didn't know where to turn. His entire life had been turned upside down in the course of a week. He was the one true vessel to an archangel. Sam was addicted to demon blood. Satan was real and he was on his way to town. He was working with a Nephilim who both terrified and titillated him. He'd never wanted normalcy more in his entire life. Even if normalcy meant a nice, safe Wendigo hunt.

Another 20 minutes passed and fortunately, they were a silent 20 minutes. Dean was thinking about telling Sam they should just leave when, suddenly, Castiel was sitting next to him on the rock. Dean about leapt out of his skin when the other man appeared.

"I'm sorry if you heard any of that." Castiel muttered. His hands and white shirt were splattered with blood.

"Well, what'd you get from her?" Sam said. "Please tell me after all of that, that we at least know something."

"I know what Lilith plans to do." Castiel said. "The demon was stronger than I thought she'd be, but she finally told me."

"Well, don't keep us waiting. What is Lilith going to do?" Sam said.

"Three trials. Once the trials are completed, Lucifer will be free. The first has already happened." Castiel said.

"The Devil's Trap." Sam said, his voice thin.

Castiel nodded wearily. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"We can stop the others." Sam said, standing up. "We can stop him from rising."

Castiel didn't respond, just stared blankly at the ocean.

"Did you kill her?" Dean asked finally.

"No." He muttered.

"Why the hell not?" Dean cried. "You had no problem killing her 'family' and you sure as hell had her in there for a long time!"

"She's not like other demons." Castiel murmured, looking down at his bloodied palms. "I needed the information, but I couldn't… I couldn't do it."

"How the hell are we supposed to kill her then?" Dean said.

"She has a knife. A demon-killing knife." Castiel said. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead in his hands, seemingly not rattled by the blood.

Dean's blood turned to ice when he said that.

"What?" Dean said. "Like the Colt?"

"Yes. That's not all though. She wants Sam to do it. She says she's in too much pain to live."

"Me? Why?" Sam yelled. "You do it!"

"I can't. In her first life, she… she was like me. She was a Nephilim." Castiel whispered. He looked up at the brothers, his face covered in dried blood, eyes shining. "I'm sorry."

Castiel was a psychopathic killing machine, until he started to feel bad about it.

Angels existed.

The archangel Michael wanted to wear him to prom.

A demon had a demon-killing knife and wanted his younger brother to kill her with it.

Lilith was going to release Satan with three trials.

Sam had already completed the first trial.

"Son of a bitch." Dean grumbled.

Life would never be normal again.


End file.
